(03-02-2017, 03:49 AM)Yunas13 Wrote: About this time, the Kingdom holds a ball where she is inadvertently picked as Princess, the details are still a mystery on how she was selected but after being Princess for 2 years, Rydian is prospering under her guidance. Her guardian and chosen future husband, Lord Byron, is her military commander along with Keiki Saito, who is her friend and advisor, they alert her to the Garleans making moves toward their kingdom. Her people care for her so much that they risk everything to save her life.
(03-13-2017, 12:05 AM)Yunas13 Wrote: I know my history on royalty
Well, I've got some issues here.
So, the Star Wars franchise being excluded, princesses are 1. not elected, 2. not given any authority, and 3. are either princess by birth or by marriage.
So, the fact that this Yuna-inspired character was given actual sovereignty over an entire nation, because she was prom queen (...?) is a little... off. Especially if we're going to play along with her actually being a competent leader, despite having never run anything, and having her best pal as her only advisor.Â
And I know we can sit here all day and say "Well magic isn't real either so anything goes" but that's just not true. The FFXIV setting is a little off-the-wall, granted, but it holds together as having a believable society, culture, and government. There are leaders, advisors of all stripes, well maintained militaries, local enforcement divisions, dissenting political opponents in some cases, and an infrastructure. Â
So how does this government ...work? Who abdicated the throne to Dancing Queen? Do you mean to tell me a government leader said "Well, she was elected by the kids at the dance. Guess my economic stimulus package can wait." Not very believable.
Not to rub this all in your face, but this just isn't a very original or plausible idea. You basically just said "my favorite video game character is in the setting of my favorite mobile game, and marries https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_Byron this guy (idk if that one was intentional, but Lord Byron is definitely already a famous man) and then has to flee so she goes to the setting of my favorite MMO and now I can play as her." It just needs some flare of originality.
And this one isn't just you, there's other people that do this, but I'm just going to vent about it while it's relevant: Can we stop IC race changes? Just retcon it. Saying "I woke up in a different body whooooooa" isn't half as interesting as some people think it is. It's more frustrating than anything, because everyone else is then pulled away from their group narrative, and into some wacky Freaky Friday/Shrek plotline they don't want their characters to be a part of. --Trust me, they don't.
And so... you're from Othard, where there are Au Ra, and it would totally make sense to just say "Yeah my kingdom (princessdom/student body president election) was highly Au Ra populated because that's the region I'm from, and I fled here." why complicate it with "I had to flee my nation, THEN I turned into voidsent, THEN I glamoured myself to look Au Ra." Streamlining is key when it comes to backstories because generally speaking, nobody wants to listen to anyone go on and on and on about how sad they are because of whatever-the-hell-who-cares-we-weren't-there. Remember: You're making your own kingdom. You don't need an excuse as to why you're the race you chose. It just helps ease people into your headcanon if you keep it simple.
Honestly, I hate being this harsh when people ask for feedback, but you're making about a dozen RP faux pas in your backstory and everyone's being pretty light about it when I know they're just being polite, so I figure I'll just throw in some reality here. But again, You can RP whatever you want, but keep in mind you're playing with other people who may or may not accept it. The more streamlined, plausible, and lore appropriate, the better, when it comes to interacting with other RPers.
