~The morning before the events of Knock, Knock~
Time to wake up.
She sat up in bed, slowly, motions sleep-riddled. Only... not really. An affectation, that, as with so many things. Even the stretch, languid and lazy, tail lifting and arching... her body presented to no one at all as she, too, arched just a little... a display. One that had stirred the ardour of lovers in the past, that had earned her no few bouts of impromptu morning activity. Which was, of course, part of why she did it.
The other part being... well, all that.
The stretch ended, and she turned to look at the spot in the bed next to her. Still cooling, from Shesha's presence. Half-remembered, how she had implored the other woman to go, to lend her aid. To Orrin, to Naoh'a, to Khira.. even to this Reis girl whom she had not even met, yet had somehow become ensnared in this. To go and provide... what? The strength of her arm, yes of course... but also some sort of proof of her presence, of her involvement.
And where would she, herself, be?
While they assailed the home of one of the most powerful and dangerous women in Ul'dah, perhaps in all of Eorzea? To stop her from accomplishing her goals, goals which would not even exist had she, herself, not left her tribe when she was so young?
Where would she be, while they risked their lives, in whole or part, in her name?
There were limits to guilt, she had come to believe. Had managed to convince herself of, through the reassurances of any number of friends and lovers who had beheld her tear-streaked, agonized demeanor on the few occasions that she had brought herself to speak of everything. Limits to how responsible she should feel, and such things made sense; after all, who was she to know what might have happened had she stayed? Such hubris to assume she made all the difference.
And yet... she should be there. Because there were limits, too, to cowardice. As it turned out.
Was it Shesha's acceptance, unquestioning, to risk herself in her name that had finally tipped the balance? Was it the weight of knowledge, of the fact that several people she loved were exposing themselves not only to some of her most dangerous kin, but also whatever defenses Goldentail would have in her deepest sanctum?
Was it simply... time?
She sat up once more, and looked upon her reflection in the mirror. Watched, as that lazy, dissolute demeanor melted away, leaving something hard and cold, someone else, something else. Her true self. Still, after all this time.
But... it did not have to be. And the first steps... no, not the first, far from the first, but the current steps toward truly becoming Anstarra, for good and all, she had to take right now. Now, to the manor of Moiraine Astervane, AKA Goldentail. Now, over the wall, past the guards... or through them, if necessary. Down the safe path Cinna had discovered, to break down the door, and wreak what havoc would be needed.
To distract the enemy, while her friends broke through far beneath. To give them time. Because they WERE here friends... and now it was time for her to be a friend to them, as well. Finally.
Time to wake up. For X'anista Ares... and for Skybreaker. The murderous scion of the Falling Stars she had been, and the murderous 'hero' she had become.
Time to wake up, so that next time, at last, they might be the dream. The dream of her past, of another life.
The dream of a Star's fall... to earth.
Time to wake up.
She sat up in bed, slowly, motions sleep-riddled. Only... not really. An affectation, that, as with so many things. Even the stretch, languid and lazy, tail lifting and arching... her body presented to no one at all as she, too, arched just a little... a display. One that had stirred the ardour of lovers in the past, that had earned her no few bouts of impromptu morning activity. Which was, of course, part of why she did it.
The other part being... well, all that.
The stretch ended, and she turned to look at the spot in the bed next to her. Still cooling, from Shesha's presence. Half-remembered, how she had implored the other woman to go, to lend her aid. To Orrin, to Naoh'a, to Khira.. even to this Reis girl whom she had not even met, yet had somehow become ensnared in this. To go and provide... what? The strength of her arm, yes of course... but also some sort of proof of her presence, of her involvement.
And where would she, herself, be?
While they assailed the home of one of the most powerful and dangerous women in Ul'dah, perhaps in all of Eorzea? To stop her from accomplishing her goals, goals which would not even exist had she, herself, not left her tribe when she was so young?
Where would she be, while they risked their lives, in whole or part, in her name?
There were limits to guilt, she had come to believe. Had managed to convince herself of, through the reassurances of any number of friends and lovers who had beheld her tear-streaked, agonized demeanor on the few occasions that she had brought herself to speak of everything. Limits to how responsible she should feel, and such things made sense; after all, who was she to know what might have happened had she stayed? Such hubris to assume she made all the difference.
And yet... she should be there. Because there were limits, too, to cowardice. As it turned out.
Was it Shesha's acceptance, unquestioning, to risk herself in her name that had finally tipped the balance? Was it the weight of knowledge, of the fact that several people she loved were exposing themselves not only to some of her most dangerous kin, but also whatever defenses Goldentail would have in her deepest sanctum?
Was it simply... time?
She sat up once more, and looked upon her reflection in the mirror. Watched, as that lazy, dissolute demeanor melted away, leaving something hard and cold, someone else, something else. Her true self. Still, after all this time.
But... it did not have to be. And the first steps... no, not the first, far from the first, but the current steps toward truly becoming Anstarra, for good and all, she had to take right now. Now, to the manor of Moiraine Astervane, AKA Goldentail. Now, over the wall, past the guards... or through them, if necessary. Down the safe path Cinna had discovered, to break down the door, and wreak what havoc would be needed.
To distract the enemy, while her friends broke through far beneath. To give them time. Because they WERE here friends... and now it was time for her to be a friend to them, as well. Finally.
Time to wake up. For X'anista Ares... and for Skybreaker. The murderous scion of the Falling Stars she had been, and the murderous 'hero' she had become.
Time to wake up, so that next time, at last, they might be the dream. The dream of her past, of another life.
The dream of a Star's fall... to earth.
![[Image: MBLxxyE.gif]](http://i.imgur.com/MBLxxyE.gif)
