(06-27-2013, 11:27 PM)Uther Wrote: I really like the story-telling theme. It should be interesting to hear what your character has to say should one of mine ever run into him on a slow afternoon. Other than that, it's a very simple tale.Thanks, that's sort of the feeling I have as well. Â I want Zha'li to really cone to life in game through RP.Â
Don't take that the wrong way. Simple is good. I'm not a fan of too much fluff, since I believe the characters' stories should come from the game itself, not from prologue.
It was an enjoyable little read.
Hopefully he can make some of those slow days interesting for those around him.
(06-27-2013, 11:29 PM)Shuck Wrote: This is a fair enough origin story, and serves as a nice, reasonable jumping point to have this character travel the world.Ahhh... very good points. Â I'll definitely work to round those out more. Â This is why I need someone outside my head to poke me. =)
Here's some ways to make it even better:Â
1. Let's explain why the calamity pushed him to leave his tribe once he'd already "refused" the call to adventure, so to speak. What was it about the rock dropping out of the sky that said "Hey kid, go live life"? You don't need much, just a little touch-up.
2. Not something you need to publish on the Wiki, or via any kind of extensive writing, but why Chocobos? Why not sheep? Why not marmots? Opo-opo's? Everyone's got their favorite something or other, and that's a given, but I would suggest that you think about the "why" in regards to the character themselves.
More as I think on it, but these are the most obvious areas of (admittedly minimal) improvement that I can spot.
