You're doing a lot of Drive-By exposition right out of the gate, it's a little confusing to follow because it feels like you're jumping around frequently to go into more detail. This happens to be a problem I have too when I'm just trying to dump my ideas out before I forget them and what I end up having to do is go back and clean it up, basically proofreading and knocking out what doesn't fit or changing things around so it flows more easily.
A little character advice: Having a long backstory is not a bad thing, you can make your backstory as long or short as you like but...
...backstory is not personality.
I kind of got the impression that you're focusing a lot on what happened to your character and less about how much that has shaped the character to what she is NOW.
I also would like you to consider discrepencies, like he always wanted to raise a girl but sold her this easily? Or rather in a tribe where woman do the hunting getting rid of the only living girl might cause him a disadvantage if he was never taught to, or if he returns to a tribe where women have a higher status there might be issue when he comes home alone.
This is going to get into some...uncomfortable details but as you are playing a Brothel girl we will need to get into some details. For the benefit of everyone I've added this info in a spoiler tag
Those are really all my points. Try to think how every part of the backstory has turned her into the person she is. Does her being rid of by the father who raised her cause trust issues with other people?
If she grew up in a matriarchal tribe then how does she treat men?
Is she a survivalist?
Is she pretty uninterested in sex after having that be half her life now? Is she casual about it?
If her lover has died is she still pining for him? distant from others?
These are my thoughts, I hope it helps.
A little character advice: Having a long backstory is not a bad thing, you can make your backstory as long or short as you like but...
...backstory is not personality.
I kind of got the impression that you're focusing a lot on what happened to your character and less about how much that has shaped the character to what she is NOW.
I also would like you to consider discrepencies, like he always wanted to raise a girl but sold her this easily? Or rather in a tribe where woman do the hunting getting rid of the only living girl might cause him a disadvantage if he was never taught to, or if he returns to a tribe where women have a higher status there might be issue when he comes home alone.
This is going to get into some...uncomfortable details but as you are playing a Brothel girl we will need to get into some details. For the benefit of everyone I've added this info in a spoiler tag
If she grew up in a matriarchal tribe then how does she treat men?
Is she a survivalist?
Is she pretty uninterested in sex after having that be half her life now? Is she casual about it?
If her lover has died is she still pining for him? distant from others?
These are my thoughts, I hope it helps.
