III
Men can be quite moronic at times. Some of them even -most- of the time. Still, I always find myself shocked somehow, when one I expect to be intelligent goes and does something entirely stupid. Case in point, Ric. I get the fighting, really I do. If it wouldn’t blow my illusion of who, and what, I am, sure pit fighting could be fun. However, survival comes first. Always. Before rules. Before reasons. Before anything or anyone. So was it a safe and smart man who stumbled into my home late the other evening? No. Ric’s pig-headed ass went and got himself stabbed. Literally. Abdominal trauma to the most extreme.Â
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You’d think that were the end of it but no. Somehow on top of bleeding out all over himself -and- trying to hide it from me, he also managed to get exceedingly jealous and to put it as bluntly as I can- ended up fucking me up against the wall. Well- wardrobe. To be fair, I might have completely dismissed his injury after I very poorly patched him up, but I wasn’t the one being reminded by a pain throbbing in my side every few seconds amid very vigorous physical activity. Couldn’t have hurt that bad, he didn’t stop till we were both beyond exhausted. What an idiot.Â
Alright, an idiot, but -my- idiot. I think. Look, I’ve been around the block. I know how things work, especially here in Ul’dah. A bedding does not a couple make. Something just feels right with him. Like it’s always how it was supposed to be. Does it really need to be picked apart so finely? We’re enjoying ourselves. So it is whatever we make it.Â
![[Image: tumblr_inline_oy1soudwcJ1v743lm_540.png]](https://78.media.tumblr.com/bbd9456ede07d5abf05415103672b409/tumblr_inline_oy1soudwcJ1v743lm_540.png)
This whole thing has been beyond surreal. Having him back. It’s like when we were kids, and it isn’t. We’ve both changed so much, but there’s a nostalgia there that cannot be ignored. I don’t give much damn if it’s right or wrong, I call it like it is. Being with him feels like home. Even if home is just a collective of memories from our past.Â
I have yet to tell Ric of my ‘other work’. He’s had a difficult enough time handling me sleeping with others, which to be entirely honest, I haven’t wanted to do since he walked back into my life. Quit my job at Herald’s practically the next night. He does that to me ya know? Ric. Gets under my skin. Even as kids he was always overly protective. Though I am here -because- of that habit I find so obnoxious at times. So I really shouldn’t complain.Â
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Anyway, he asked if he could bring his things. I said yes, so, I guess that means he’s moving in. Not like I don’t have the room. We’ve lived together before, and if we could do it back then when we were so young and naive, I imagine with wisdom it’ll be just as easy. If easy is the right word. I sent him off with a key, a lie as to where I would be for the next day, and a promise I’d return home soon. It doesn’t feel right lying to him about where I am going or what I am doing, but somehow I just don’t think, “Oh by the way Ric, I kill peopleâ€, would really go over well. At some point I’ll have to find a cover job. He’ll expect it.
I’m just rambling at this point. Droning on and on like these pages are some sort of friend lending me an encouraging ear. I never used to write so much. Words are best when used in brief and powerful ways. Guess you could call this dribble then. Writing on and on, all the while bigger, more important things are happening all over Hydaelyn, and where am I? Stuck in Ul’dah as I’ve always been. Now my primary source of earning a living is gone and I’ll have to cut back on my hunts, or at least only take the high risk ones to compensate in pay. Not really seeing a ton of savings come from that.Â
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It was a stupid move to quit. Now if I don’t have Ric, I don’t have anyone. Maybe he’ll want to settle down. Make an honest woman of me. Get a job in the market while I raise the kids. As if I could be such a woman. I’d rather die that give up my dream to make something of this live. I remind myself I’ve only seen twenty-five or so birthdays. There’s still time. But first, I’ve got to get out of Ul’dah…
 Zhauric's