I think I've found this issue arises in games when I try to lead a group -and- try to stay on top of issues with my guild members. I have a tendency to care about their real life situations and the more you know someone OOCly, the more issues can arise when you realize you're not of the same mindset. The closest thing I've experienced to drama lately was two of my members having an issue with their combat (which always arises and is one of the primary reasons people hate IC text-based fights) and it took until our second actual event for this to even happen once. Pretty proud of that. The situation was settled, so far as I knew, but was brought -back- up by someone who wasn't involved. A good point was raised which I need to bear in mind, by this person, but nevertheless, the result was losing one of the members I most cherished and enjoyed.
I tend to do my best to be tactful and to let each person see the other person's side. That's what arbitrating is. It's very difficult to do when one or both people involved think that you are biased towards the other person. I talk to my members OOCly, I try to make sure none of them feel neglected, and I want them, most importantly, to communicate -with each other-. All of these things tend to help circumvent issues.
So far as I know, I'm not hated. I don't know if I'm respected by any means but my LS people make me feel at least a little appreciated. The problem in RP communities is that people, even very good people, tend to separate into cliques. When your friend has a problem with someone else and they're having a negative emotional reaction, whether it's sadness at not being understood or anger or anything, people tend to want to step in and say something in that person's defense.
So many people throw around that they don't want to sugar coat things or they don't want to be pretentious and the issue therein is that they're confusing 'sugar coated' and 'pretentious' for empathy and tact. When you cut right to the chase, you leave out a lot of the details that would make what you're saying sound vastly different than you intend.
The issue, again with cliques is that if one person in the clique thinks you are saying something that you don't intend whatsoever, the rest of the clique uses it to fuel their proverbial flames against you. You can't know what they're saying about you or how they're taking your words, intentionally or unintentionally, and presenting them to others. Communication breaks down and you'll end up looking like the bad guy. The best thing to do is to nip those situations in the bud, dragging everyone involved into a group and cutting through the BS to get to the heart of the problem. The more you wait and watch to see if something bad will get worse, the harder it gets and the worse you look. I've seen it happen where someone has a bad opinion of someone else and they seek out others they think also have a problem with that person, feeding them junk that is unrelated to their issue out of spite to make things worse for their target. This is... I can't put it any other way... a rather bitchy high school mentality that too many people have.
So, basically.
1. Cliques are the bane of RP existence because when a problem arises, it's 'you're with me or you're against me'.
2. Communication is key. Being empathetic and understanding doesn't make you weak. Being straight forward and refusing to compromise doesn't make you strong. Flexibility is far better trait than rigidity-- but there's a vast difference between being flexible and wishy-washy.
3. The better you know someone, the harder it is for you to be unbiased. A lot of people who you don't know you might judge much like you would in real life-- on what you see from them and what you can relate it to in your past. Learning from past experiences are great and all but giving someone the benefit of the doubt as their leader is a necessity, not a frivolous option.
4. Respecting people and trying to see their side of a situation instead of using your own to judge them will get you a lot farther.
5. As a leader, you do NOT need other people to validate your points to your members. Don't have conversations where everyone can see them, take the people involved or the people who will inevitably be involved and take them into a group or something to discuss whatever it is that needs discussing. Just because 90% of your friends agree with you doesn't mean they're being unbiased or objective.
A lot of people, not just RPers, are way too willing to cut people loose because they tell themselves over and over 'well I'm paying for this game and I want to enjoy it so I don't need to deal with this'. That's fine, I mean it makes sense. But when you do it about everyone and you've got no desire to try to understand others, you'll eventually run out of people to talk to and if you're RPing alone, that's not really RPing.
"Haters gonna hate" should be the mentality only after you've done everything in your power to prevent or remove the problems.
I tend to do my best to be tactful and to let each person see the other person's side. That's what arbitrating is. It's very difficult to do when one or both people involved think that you are biased towards the other person. I talk to my members OOCly, I try to make sure none of them feel neglected, and I want them, most importantly, to communicate -with each other-. All of these things tend to help circumvent issues.
So far as I know, I'm not hated. I don't know if I'm respected by any means but my LS people make me feel at least a little appreciated. The problem in RP communities is that people, even very good people, tend to separate into cliques. When your friend has a problem with someone else and they're having a negative emotional reaction, whether it's sadness at not being understood or anger or anything, people tend to want to step in and say something in that person's defense.
So many people throw around that they don't want to sugar coat things or they don't want to be pretentious and the issue therein is that they're confusing 'sugar coated' and 'pretentious' for empathy and tact. When you cut right to the chase, you leave out a lot of the details that would make what you're saying sound vastly different than you intend.
The issue, again with cliques is that if one person in the clique thinks you are saying something that you don't intend whatsoever, the rest of the clique uses it to fuel their proverbial flames against you. You can't know what they're saying about you or how they're taking your words, intentionally or unintentionally, and presenting them to others. Communication breaks down and you'll end up looking like the bad guy. The best thing to do is to nip those situations in the bud, dragging everyone involved into a group and cutting through the BS to get to the heart of the problem. The more you wait and watch to see if something bad will get worse, the harder it gets and the worse you look. I've seen it happen where someone has a bad opinion of someone else and they seek out others they think also have a problem with that person, feeding them junk that is unrelated to their issue out of spite to make things worse for their target. This is... I can't put it any other way... a rather bitchy high school mentality that too many people have.
So, basically.
1. Cliques are the bane of RP existence because when a problem arises, it's 'you're with me or you're against me'.
2. Communication is key. Being empathetic and understanding doesn't make you weak. Being straight forward and refusing to compromise doesn't make you strong. Flexibility is far better trait than rigidity-- but there's a vast difference between being flexible and wishy-washy.
3. The better you know someone, the harder it is for you to be unbiased. A lot of people who you don't know you might judge much like you would in real life-- on what you see from them and what you can relate it to in your past. Learning from past experiences are great and all but giving someone the benefit of the doubt as their leader is a necessity, not a frivolous option.
4. Respecting people and trying to see their side of a situation instead of using your own to judge them will get you a lot farther.
5. As a leader, you do NOT need other people to validate your points to your members. Don't have conversations where everyone can see them, take the people involved or the people who will inevitably be involved and take them into a group or something to discuss whatever it is that needs discussing. Just because 90% of your friends agree with you doesn't mean they're being unbiased or objective.
A lot of people, not just RPers, are way too willing to cut people loose because they tell themselves over and over 'well I'm paying for this game and I want to enjoy it so I don't need to deal with this'. That's fine, I mean it makes sense. But when you do it about everyone and you've got no desire to try to understand others, you'll eventually run out of people to talk to and if you're RPing alone, that's not really RPing.
"Haters gonna hate" should be the mentality only after you've done everything in your power to prevent or remove the problems.
![[Image: ohkg_zpsca8eb911.png]](http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y159/lunar_kitsune/ohkg_zpsca8eb911.png)
 (Click images for link the Grindstone Page.)
