(10-18-2013, 03:30 PM)Lament Wrote: Tease I say.
Okay maybe just a little
(10-18-2013, 04:21 PM)Vito Wrote: I think you have an awesome writing style. Very descriptive, yet subtle at the same time. I can see what's happening and I especially liked the ending. Not sure if you edited your story or not, but I feel like the scene transitions were just fine. I interpreted it as your character recalling fragmented moments during.Â
For example, if we were all to look back on memories we've had, we rarely remember the whole picture. We probably only remember only a portion of what was actually happening at the moment. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but that's how I envisioned it.
Thanks so much Vito! I try to be as descriptive as possible, but I also know that I sometimes get TOOOOO detailed and that can start to bog down the story xD Sad that I lost my notepad filled with my creative writing lessons though since I can't remember a lot of what was taught >.< Short-term memory loss? Or just...sucky...brain...syndrome xD
Oh and yes, I had edited my story by the time you read it I believe! I have Desmond and a few others to thank for their input to change it up!
(10-18-2013, 04:34 PM)Desmond Aryll Wrote: Nice job. The change in your word choices to something more grounded also "break the spell" of the dream we just read. The imagery breaks for the reader like it breaks for the poor soul in the infirmary. Great stuff.
Thanks again, Desmond! At first I wanted to try and make it subtle yet clear that the scene had changed, but after I did the revision I realize how much better it actually flows, despite the sudden 'break'.
