Honestly I'd say its a bit complicated and while I don't think the story is bad or anything I will say that it is very involved and seems to come off as if it does not allow alot of room for people to stretch their arms in. I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying allow more legroom.
I also have a question maybe I missed the answer but how was he born with such an eye as the one mentioned? How could something like that be put into a baby? I would say if anything go with him receiving the eye later on as he was growing up. You could put in a great reason why in there and link the father to it. Perhaps he lost it in a dragon attack and father got it, perhaps something else happened that got him that eye. To simply be born with it is a bit too easy, and comes off as unrealistic.
A good way to improve roleplaying is by not trying to do too much all at once. Its better to have some things develop over time.
I also have a question maybe I missed the answer but how was he born with such an eye as the one mentioned? How could something like that be put into a baby? I would say if anything go with him receiving the eye later on as he was growing up. You could put in a great reason why in there and link the father to it. Perhaps he lost it in a dragon attack and father got it, perhaps something else happened that got him that eye. To simply be born with it is a bit too easy, and comes off as unrealistic.
A good way to improve roleplaying is by not trying to do too much all at once. Its better to have some things develop over time.
A good FFXIV lore site: http://ffxiv.gamerescape.com/wiki/Eorzea
