Poe's Journal Entry
I have started planning for the party. I wanted to get a jump start, I know Ami needs to rest and I didn’t want to overwhelm her with every detail. Last night seemed like as good a time as any to start. The ship was quiet, the pearl was quiet. Am I being selfish? For wanting…trying to make things better for everyone? There is this pain, so many broken hearts from what has occurred.But like I explained to Ryillin, the party was supposed to be for selling the amulet. I feel like we have so many more things to celebrate now, in addition. Ace and Rose are safe….are free. And Lina, her broken heart, may Menphina mend it for her. I felt foolish, but I prayed for her last night, her and S’anhu. I prayed to Menphina that she would heal Lina’s heart first, that Lina needed this. I feel helpless, knowing what she is going through. And then I begged Menphina to restore S’anhu’s heart as well; that if she could mend them I would carry the burden on their hearts.
I don’t know if Menphina heard my pleas….I can only wait and see.
Ryillin found me on deck going over my lists. It was nice to have someone to converse with, no pressure or anything to worry about. I spoke to him about entertainment. He is right…If we have dancers I need to make sure the dancers are something all would enjoy. I didn’t know Ryillin enjoyed cooking. He offered to take care of that part, he will get me a list soon and I promised fresh ingredients. Even if I have to travel around myself, I will make sure he has everything he will need. He has surprised me…or perhaps it’s my surprise in talking with another keeper. He reminded me that any male would be lucky to have me claim them as my own…. Claim? I so often ignore, overlook the fact that if I were still with my family, I would have a choice such as that. To choose a male? But…I can’t just choose like that. I must be far too emotional to make it a simple thing as finding a male; I would want them to love me back….I am trying to push any thoughts of anything like that far from my mind. I have seen what emotions, feelings have done to those I care about. I know how they have made me feel.
I am tired of feeling bad, perhaps just tired of feeling. I know it’s sad…
