Thread Closed
(07-11-2014, 12:55 PM)Aria Wrote:(07-11-2014, 12:40 PM)ArmachiA Wrote: I never avoid anyone, but if you already had the idea set in your head why did you ask for advice?I never mentioned anyone specifically in this thread avoiding me, but I have noticed an increase of people genuinely going out of their way to avoid talking to me.
you asked in the thread
"That being said, are these ideas too out there or do they actually work?"
And when a lot of people went "It's too out there" you say you have to breastfeed people.
I don't know, it feels like you wanted an echo chamber of "Yes" then actual discussion.
Yes, I asked for advice, but there are people who have seemed as if my newness to the lore has been an inconvenience to them or a complete turn off. My point isn't that I'm upset that people didn't agree (there were also as many people saying the concept was fine as people not so I really could care less one way or the other), it's that someone else who may be newer than even I might find the treatment and responses as a complete turnoff to other RPers.
I know several people have approached me after this thread telling me that they're afraid to voice questions and concerns because they're afraid they'll get jumped or make someone angry and that is what I mean by breast feeding. People shouldn't have to change characters constantly to appease the ones that disagree.
I have mentioned that I am grateful for the help and I mean it. However, I didn't post this as a way for people to determine if I'm an irredeemable RPer and that feels like the outcome.
Rp drama is the most common drama out of all the online community groups I've been in.
Why?
Creating and building stories is personal. When things feel personal, emotional investment happens. It's human nature. And when you invest your emotions into it, sometimes trying to be helpful feels like you're trying to save someone from making a mistake -- and so people might appear to be forceful, or condescending, or even like they're condemning you, the player, for some idea you've had.
And, for what it's worth, there are people like that out there -- but from what I've seen in this community, I don't think there are very many (note that I have not experienced any personally, but I haven't met/seen everyone in the community).
But it can be very easy to feel attacked and respond in kind when you are very close to your ideas. I think as writers, roleplayers can sometimes get the two mixed up, both when trying to offer constructive criticism to someone, and in receiving it. And even when it isn't mixed up, sometimes the way things are worded can be misunderstood, or written in a way that seems like something is implied. It might even seem like an obvious attack to everyone but the person writing it.
In those moments, that's where it's important to remember that rping is a social hobby. A very social hobby. Communicating is very important. Rather than give in to the emotional reaction, try sending someone a pm to clarify things. All too often I see people -- sometimes especially at my workplace, which is very unfortunate considering it's non-profit and supposed to be a very supportive and understanding environment -- assume someone meant something negative rather than trying to clarify, ending in way too much negativity. It really saddens me to see it happen.
I mean, if someone is legit mean-spirited, then you'll get that even after trying to understand them. But unless you give them the chance, how are you going to know?
My point is this: take the advice as people legitimately trying to steer you away from things they consider to be hurtful to the lore. Take it as them trying to help -- even if in the end you don't feel that it is helpful. You don't have to accept advice, ever. However, in the spirit of community, even if you don't like the advice try to be thankful that at the very least, people are trying to help. Thank them for their time and move on.
If you truly feel someone is attacking you or being unfair, talk to them. If they don't let you talk to them, then move on -- you don't need them. Lingering on it will only hurt you in the end, and there are so many wonderful and worthwhile people to rp with out there.
