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Nebbs · **04-06-2016, 03:14 AM**

I would agree with most that is said and have been through a few and probably even hurt people. It is not as simple as attacker victim as often these things are done with the best intentions.

Have the ooc talk, make sure that you both understand what you want from the RP. Also what you don't want.
I would like more of...
I would like less of...
I would also like to try...

IC is not the place to resolve things. But be aware that we are attached to our characters and get upset on their behalf.

Even with ooc agreement things change. There is no easy answer but be prepared to move on and deal with fall out. The majority of RP relationships fail so you know this will happen no matter how much you are enjoying the moment.

So have the discussion if it does not resolve it move on.

Kattoki · **04-06-2016, 03:36 AM**

Again thanks for all the replies.

Some of the situational stuff, its common for me personally to take random leaves of absence. It might be I am playing a different game, or busy with real life stuff. I have let people know constantly that my life is this way. There are time due to time zone differences where my partner comes online and I am about to go to bed because of the time zones. We both know each other times zones, and work around them to play together.

Its just for me personally I sometimes feel restricted once that time comes to play or rp with them even if I want to rp or play something else. I of course want to please my partner, and do right by them. I dont despise them or anything like that at all. I just feel somewhat smothered by the amount to time we spend together.

In Character, my character loves her partner. However just as ooc I feel smothered ic she also feels smothered. What I mean is, ic I am a treasure hunter I enjoy going to the quicksand I have friends there and I just enjoy having a good time and a laugh there. IC my partner had a bad experience there so she rarely goes there, and only does come when I have gone there or am missing from my room. IC my partner then comes along and somewhat forces me to leave the place because she feels uncomfortable being there. IC I would say I am fine in Ul'dah, that I have experience living there and being in a place like that, but that doesnt stop them from coming and forcing me back.

Now I dont mind spending time with them, IC or OOC but I am restricted from seeing any other people or friends, or making new friends.

OOC, the often complain how they dont like the place. So the avoid it, but I am fine with going there and have told them that I am fine going there ic or ooc.

Nebbs · **04-06-2016, 04:08 AM**

There are always two sides, and resolution is only possible by understanding and accepting the compromise on both sides.

I'd recommend not getting into specifics in an open forum and try and have a positive ooc chat with them.

Capheira · **04-06-2016, 05:05 AM**

(04-06-2016, 04:08 AM)Nebbs Wrote: There are always two sides, and resolution is only possible by understanding and accepting the compromise on both sides.

I'd recommend not getting into specifics in an open forum and try and have a positive ooc chat with them.

This. But I also disagree with Nebbs' comment "IC is not the place to resolve things."

I would deal with the IC, IC. Maybe it was something that should have been discussed between your characters before getting hitched. If your character decides they've met their soul mate after two weeks, then, like real-life, you're going to have some issues. Hell even if they got hitched after a year you'd still have issues. You have to just roll with what your character would do in those situations. Explain yourself OOC if you have a need beyond, "This is an in-character reaction". My character has turned down IC proposals because it wasn't the right time or place, and because she didn't feel like she was known enough to make a commitment.

Kattoki · **04-06-2016, 05:17 AM**

(04-06-2016, 05:05 AM)Capheira Wrote:
(04-06-2016, 04:08 AM)Nebbs Wrote: There are always two sides, and resolution is only possible by understanding and accepting the compromise on both sides.

I'd recommend not getting into specifics in an open forum and try and have a positive ooc chat with them.

This. But I also disagree with Nebbs' comment "IC is not the place to resolve things."

I would deal with the IC, IC. Maybe it was something that should have been discussed between your characters before getting hitched. If your character decides they've met their soul mate after two weeks, then, like real-life, you're going to have some issues. Hell even if they got hitched after a year you'd still have issues. You have to just roll with what your character would do in those situations. Explain yourself OOC if you have a need beyond, "This is an in-character reaction". My character has turned down IC proposals because it wasn't the right time or place, and because she didn't feel like she was known enough to make a commitment.

I agree with this, ooc we are friends and there are a few things I can overlook how they RP. But IC I can see a tone of things OOC that just raises flags and makes me seriously want to run away IC and ooc.

Warren Castille · **04-06-2016, 08:24 AM**

I have long maintained that obligations are the death of fun and the origin of resentment. The phrasing you're using is cause for concern, I think: You're worried about being chewed out for playing something else, so you stay in offline mode or just don't sign in? That's unsettling behavior to have to avoid, and I think a pretty strong indication that this relationship isn't quite on the up-and-up.

Different time zones can be stressful to work around, but if you're being guilted into giving more than you possibly can (or even just want to!) then it's time to step back and seriously weigh how much your internet pretendy time is impacting your real life behavior and mood and feelings.

desmond28 · **04-06-2016, 09:09 AM**

*comes out of lurk mode*

Repetition for emphasis: Have a kind but frank OOC chat. Be open and honest. Nebbs had some great lines of thought for the conversation. Give it a couple weeks after that and if there is no improvement... Hell, I'd move on. There, I said it.Â There are larger things in life to be anxious and stressed about.

Nebbs · **04-06-2016, 09:51 AM**

(04-06-2016, 05:05 AM)Capheira Wrote:
(04-06-2016, 04:08 AM)Nebbs Wrote: There are always two sides, and resolution is only possible by understanding and accepting the compromise on both sides.

I'd recommend not getting into specifics in an open forum and try and have a positive ooc chat with them.

This. But I also disagree with Nebbs' comment "IC is not the place to resolve things."

I would deal with the IC, IC. Maybe it was something that should have been discussed between your characters before getting hitched. If your character decides they've met their soul mate after two weeks, then, like real-life, you're going to have some issues. Hell even if they got hitched after a year you'd still have issues. You have to just roll with what your character would do in those situations. Explain yourself OOC if you have a need beyond, "This is an in-character reaction". My character has turned down IC proposals because it wasn't the right time or place, and because she didn't feel like she was known enough to make a commitment.

Ah I agree wuth this, IC stuff should be IC. Just when it becomes an OOC problem it is best to have the OOC talk.

momcatte · **04-06-2016, 11:53 AM**

Hey there!

As someone who is also ICly married, I would like to tell you my thoughts on this topic, and maybe help you a little bit.
As Nebula and the others said, you have to talk it out. I think the best is doing it ICly and also OOCly, why? Because I don't think anything you do ICly will work if you don't let your partner know how you are feeling.
I think the best thing to do is talking to your partner about wich boundaries you wouldn't like to cross, or what things you don't want to give up on, even being in a marriage. You guys need to talk it out OCCly and find a 'common place' where both of you will be having fun with the RP.
After this is done, and hopefully you both understood and respected each others wishes, you can discuss it IC.Â

I think communication is one of the most important thing in any relationship, any! IRL or In a roleplay. So try to talk it out before actually doing something you might regret laterÂ Moogle

Flynn Rosenberg · **04-06-2016, 12:23 PM**

It's a pickle, but as everyone has already said, you both should talk.

As someone who is also ICly married (and OOCly in a relationship with the same person) I can understand certain boundaries, however they are easily solved. For example, me and my partner trust each other enough that we don't need to RP with each other 24/7, and just like our characters they won't flirt with other people and reject being flirted with, but that's our decision.

Jana · **04-07-2016, 12:26 AM**

Actually, I'd go further than everyone else and avoid anything more than "You're being creepy/clingy, goodbye" and drop the relationship ASAP. I've seen too many friend groups get twisted up in OOC-ly controlling partners to ever bother sugarcoating it.

Kattoki · **04-07-2016, 10:13 AM**

(04-07-2016, 12:26 AM)Jana Wrote: Actually, I'd go further than everyone else and avoid anything more than "You're being creepy/clingy, goodbye" and drop the relationship ASAP. I've seen too many friend groups get twisted up in OOC-ly controlling partners to ever bother sugarcoating it.

Just drop everything say "Goodbye" and leave?

Kodie · **04-07-2016, 10:20 AM**

(04-07-2016, 10:13 AM)Kattoki Wrote:
(04-07-2016, 12:26 AM)Jana Wrote: Actually, I'd go further than everyone else and avoid anything more than "You're being creepy/clingy, goodbye" and drop the relationship ASAP. I've seen too many friend groups get twisted up in OOC-ly controlling partners to ever bother sugarcoating it.
Just drop everything say "Goodbye" and leave?

Yeah I don't agree with that, and I'm a bitter person who will drop friendships quickly myself, but I think that's a bit excessive. She obviously has a history with her partner and deserves a chance to work it out, if said partner continues then I agree with dropping it, but not initially.

Warren Castille · **04-07-2016, 10:31 AM**

Again, if this IC relationship is causing you to change your OOC behavior so you don't feel guilty or treated passive-aggressively, this is not healthy and you need to reassess your priorities.

Askier · **04-07-2016, 11:32 AM**

Yeah I'm with Warren here.Â IC relationships can be great but they are just that, IC.Â If there relationship, IN ANY WAY, negatively affects your OOC life, its time to end that relationship cause a line has been crossed that should never be.

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Married IC issues.

RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes