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A'mahri · **03-22-2016, 11:14 AM**

While I was doing a bit of writing to brush up A'mahri's character wiki, I somehow managed to start creating news headlines for pretty much all of my characters..and..I pretty much spent a few minutes laughing because of it.

So! If your character made it in the news or newspaper, what would their headline be?
It can be related to current events in RP, or summed up about the lifestyle of your character in general.

I'll start it off with A'mahri as an example.

A'mahri:
Self-Proclaimed Master Craftsman Glues Hand to Plank of Wood
Local Miqo'te Breaks Record for Most Hours Sitting in One Place

I'm curious to see what you guys come up with!

***GhostlyMaiden*** · **03-22-2016, 12:06 PM**

This sounds really fun!

Nanagi:
Aether Researcher gets trapped under mountain of books after tripping over one of the books on the floor.

Lalafell suffocated after busty miqo'te in a red coat hugged her too tightly for too long.

Kanako:
Fiery redhead found hanging upside-down from a tree after throwing a glass of ale.

Warren Castille · **03-22-2016, 12:10 PM**

Terrorist Uprising Halted After Leader Captured In Central Thanalan

Gotta love Ul'dah press.

JudicialHunter · **03-22-2016, 12:16 PM**

Oh boy.

Rihxo
Busty Miqo'te Charged With Involuntary Manslaughter After Suffocating Lalafell With A Hug

Adelaide
Woman With Glowing Eyes Terrorizes Botanists, Is Kicked Out Of Guild Area Again

Arata
Local Bookworm Causes Small-Scale Explosion With Alchemy Gone Wrong

Chompie · **03-23-2016, 03:40 PM**

Vigilante Apprehends Culprits of Museum Heist, Artifacts Still Missing

Or perhaps if it's a very, very slow news day-
Serial Personal-Space Invader Strikes Again

Those wacky gosh darn newspapers!

Aden Dellebecque · **03-23-2016, 03:52 PM**

These are some Onion headlines here.

Young man helps old lady cross street, immediately adopted by entire neighborhood.

Followed a few days later by...

Entire neighborhood scolds communal son.

Kellach Woods · **03-23-2016, 06:34 PM**

I do have a couple:

Kellach:
Adventurer accuses Sharlayan of Void Worshipping

Masked man repels bandit attack on trade caravan: "Not news, this is actually my job."

Strange man found frostbitten naked in Coerthas: "I didn't think it was that cold."

Sylvie:
Duskwight woman to be executed over murders of 10 Wood Wailers

Sanctum of the Twelve under investigation for harboring families of poachers

Sasati:
Pacification of the North Shroud leaves Padjals confused

Amal'jaa tribe routed, crystals recovered by mysterious benefactor

Twelve's Tutelage - School for Eorzean orphans opens doors

***Maril*** · **03-24-2016, 10:13 PM**

L'nessa:Â
"Miqo'te accidentally triggers rockslide, gets group stuck in cave"Â
"New science: Giving treats to adults after treatment. "Works great!" - Miqo'te Conjurer"

Toukta:Â
"Immigrant finds new life with Goblet Company, feel better with yourself after reading this weeks Social Feelgood."Â

Nailah:Â
"Corpse seen falling out of window into gorge from Goblet Company house, owner denies all allegations"

Coatleque · **03-24-2016, 10:43 PM**

Fertilizer spill closes road to Buscarron's for a day. Porter denies being intoxicated at the reigns. Forced to shovel same shite twice.

Melkire · **03-24-2016, 10:48 PM**

Sons of Saint Coinach Report Unusual Sighting of Large Unidentified Black Dome near the Crystal Tower. Transluscent Dome Vanished Soon After. No Aetheric Signatures were Registered, Local Practitioners Baffled.

Kraken Attacks Continue to Ravage Seafaring Vessels. Maelstrom-sanctioned Ships Unaffected, Targets By and Large are Garlean in Origin. Survivors Claim "Giant Flying Octopus Carried Off Shipments" Intended for Regional Castra.

cuideag · **03-24-2016, 11:15 PM**

Belligerent (and Intoxicated) Highlander Caught Throwing Rotten Eggs at Little Ala Mhigans, Claims "It's for Their Own Good"

Edda · **03-25-2016, 12:02 AM**

Local Father Baffled By Daughter's Incredible Ability To Fuck Up Every Time [sup](always a classic)[/sup]

Over-Worked and Over-Payed Butler Wishes Employer Would Just Shut Up For One God Damn Second And Let Him Clean The Fireplace

Long-Lost Nymian Artifact Finally Found, Buried Within Area Woman's Cleavage

Coda · **03-25-2016, 12:26 AM**

Goblet residents baffled at crudely drawn burglar's calling cards left in homes after a string of robberies. "I think its a drawing of a raccoon. And a poo."Â

Khunbish Avagnar · **03-26-2016, 09:05 AM**

Vael'a:
Local Magitek Consultant seen chasing after Walker after New Immortal Flames attempted to take it for a joyride.
In other news the fires at Scorpion's Crossing are finally under control

Aiswynd:
Do the dead really come back to life or is this a case of mistaken identity?

Ramen · **03-26-2016, 09:46 AM**

Local Doctor arrested for felony dad jokes.

Raen wanted for questioning regarding theft of two tigers and a lamp post.

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Character News Headlines

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