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Lydia Lightfoot · **07-23-2017, 04:00 AM**

The recent trend of "looking for romantic RP" messages here at the RPC has me wondering... why do others attempt to pre-arrange romantic RP? I understand that uncertainty is lame (life's full of enough uncertainty as it is, and it can be a bit frightening to try and manage), but, isn't the mystery and the anticipation a crucial element of a situation having a romantic feel to it? I guess it's probably a little different for everyone, of course.

Admittedly, in the past, I've had situations come up wherein I've done it, but, my experience has been that it was, most of the time, a very shallow experience that lacked "life", and as such it didn't hold either party's interest for very long. The times when I've had a character become romantically involved with another and it ended up being a fulfilling and interesting element of their overall story, and it lasted long enough to be meaningful and feel even plausibly realistic, it happened organically. My character met another character, as players we enjoyed each other's writing, and so we made a point to roleplay again another time. And then another time, and another time, and the interactions between the characters just naturally diverted into romantic interest.

Have others out there had a lot of great experiences with pre-planned romance RP? Is that why it seems there's a lot of people looking for it lately?Â

note: Ideally, I'd like any discussion on the topic to steer completely clear of any diversion into discussing ERP. While it's certainly possible that for some players "I'm looking for romance for my character" equates to "Tell me what kinky things you like and if I'm on board we'll get down", we all are aware of that possibility, and thus we needn't bring it up. Let's focus instead on the assumption that the stated requests by the relevant parties were genuinely a search for a "full romantic scenario" and not "pls snusnu".

Kieron Lohengrin · **07-23-2017, 04:47 AM**

I can understand why it happens - like any subset of roleplay, it's a genre. Just like other players pre-arranging an adventure campaign, or pre-arranging a business venture, or pre-arranging a school-type FC. Some people like to read trashy romance novels and have a similarly whirlwind thing take place. Maybe it lasts, maybe it doesn't. Maybe they want one toon to have a healthy, traditional courtship, while their other, darker alt gets into more kinky/abusive shit. Plus, it seems more like a precaution than anything else to me, trying to make sure your partner player won't take it to creepy needy RL territory or cheat on you.

Speaking from my own experience, both of the romances my previous characters from other games went through (LOTRO then GW2) were lengthy, drawn-out affairs that had about a year or so of friendship, laughs and ingame adventures + back-and-forth forum post scenes before developing into intimacy and marriage. That's just my personal preference and what works for me, but others will choose differently in their escapism. Some players will simply be too distracted by RL to fully immerse themselves or put in the writing for a long-term budding relationship.

Mind you, this isn't even touching on more nontraditional relationship territory yet - your menage a trois, harems, open couples and whatnot. But going back to your original question, I think all the LFRP for pre-arranged romances is just another side effect of us returners coming back in droves for Stormblood. "I'm playing the game again because of Square Enix's massive marketing efforts. Now I'm going to look into that particular activity I like."

***Teadrinker*** · **07-23-2017, 05:36 AM**

Some people prefer certain RP and prefer to go about it in this way. Best thing you can do is let them post their threads for interest and if you have no interest then just leave it alone.

This honestly goes for just about any subject concerning RP.

Like it? Cool. Participate. Have fun.

Don't like it? Navigate away. I highly doubt those people will come siege you with RP you don't favor.

Zhu · **07-23-2017, 06:06 AM**

I had two pre-arranged romances and they were absolutely terrible. The characters did not get along at all and they were only together for meta garbage reasons such as the fact it was arranged ooc. Never again.

It was also shallow, as you say. Nothing interesting was happening. Sure it's nice to do the romance itself for a while but it gets old. They actually have to offer something to eachother and I don't think pre-arragements are good for that. You just don't know what character you're getting.

I think it's much better if it happens organically after several months of RP. That worked much better for me.

Seye Qhesu · **07-23-2017, 06:19 AM**

I find pre-establishing of romance to be boring and very hollow in terms of play. Trying to force characters together just seems bland, unfilling, and makes me lose interest fairly quickly.

To me, characters are like children. They need to experience the world. They need a chance to grow. They need to experience the ups and downs of life.

This is just my opinion of course. Everyone is entitled to their own and see free to roleplay as they want.

Kaiverta · **07-23-2017, 08:35 AM**

I understand why people pre-arrange relationships, too. For me personally, though, it takes away from the beauty and excitement of a developing relationship. Not saying it's bad, just that it's not for everyone.

I just let my characters fall for the other character if it goes that way. My characters essentially write themselves.

I had ONE pre-arranged relationship and that was basically between an established character, and mine was new, and they were just hanging out. The girl character admitted that she had feelings for MY character, who then that he had had feelings for her for the last couple of years TOO (they were in a family unit of gypsies), and that relationship was hard to write. It was fun, but it didn't feel natural. The relationship didn't go anywhere and it didn't feel authentic.

So with that single relationship aside, my characters always develop feelings (or not) as they interact with characters, just like in real life. And it always feels authentic, beautiful, exciting, and great. Smile

It can take anywhere from five months to years for my character to fall for another (my main OC, the silver-haired guy in my avatar pic), but once he does, it's wonderful.

Of course, they run into problems which usually stems from the other person getting very busy and not keeping up communication, even OOCly, and it's a shame, but it does happen.

Aaron · **07-23-2017, 08:54 AM**

Different strokes for different folks

Arashin Kujqai · **07-23-2017, 08:58 AM**

I agree entirely, I never quite understood the concept of taking 2 characters and going "okay, now you both like each other VERY much!" just like that. The only case I would understand would be in the sense of prearranged marriages so there's still room to plot around them or if you wanted someone to play as a mother/father of another character. Otherwise, relationships should build and be organic, that's kinda why RP is fun and so interesting... You're not just writing a story, you're experiencing it and anything can happen through it. The uncertainty makes it what's fun, such is life.

On another note... There's a particular user and sometimes we get users that see these threads less of RP and more of "I want to get a date IRL". Sometimes people will go out of their way to even build a false profile for their characters to claim they "RP" but with hidden intentions beneath to try and obtain something IRL instead. It brings me discomfort to see users that will go out of their way desperately enough to force these things not just for "RP" but literally as a tool of manipulation into RL relationships.

i.e. "Looking for romantic partner for RP, must be this, this, this, and that, also must be this OOC, here's my phone number, OH! and my character is randomglopshovedtogetherlastminute, please contact me \o/."

This looks almost harmless at first glance with enough writing and beating around the bush but there's some instances that someone will post repeatedly that they're looking for this and will even remove most of their RP requirements just for the sake of hooking up too. It's a little disgusting to see it abused in this sense as it reminds me of a previous thread asking if RP was just another way to pick up people than get a nice story. Not naming names but there's been a few of em lately both in game and on the forums that feel like it's been true lately.

As a personal experience, I developed a romantic relationship with my previous persona out of a duo that started as treasure hunters. It also stemmed off an OOC relationship but that was prior to the persona's birth as is. In the end of it, I felt weird mixing the IC and OOC relationship as it was such a big part of my character too. It feels awkward to play as a persona that is so related to someone or nearly requires their character to exist that I figure any IC relationships or etc for my character should be less of an impact on my characters here on out. I've restrained from any relationships IC that may develop OOCly and vice versa to prevent this again. I can see IC relationships still happening but the degree I had mine on my previous persona was too far into the base of the character for the persona to work or feel right again, so for now I feel personally that relationships IC should be somewhat less priority or it takes away from the character themselves. Or it may leave an certain impression that may change how you treat this char ICly/OOCly too depending on how things go in said relationships if they get involved both OOC/IC. That's all just my personal experience though and how I go about it.

Kaiverta · **07-23-2017, 09:02 AM**

I thankfully have not seen that happen as of yet. Though, I've seen people more blatantly look for OOC relationships by not even RPing, but writing questionable stuff. I've happened upon that over the years on various sites. Not fabulous. >.>

But yes, the organic and realistic way of developing characters together, who learn about each other as you write them, is a really cool feeling. And it makes the relationship more solid. Smile

Virella · **07-23-2017, 09:06 AM**

I only done it purely with friends, because I know we can write characters who fit IC together. Or not. My biggest blast regarding pre-arranged relationship was a marriage between two characters who would prefer to strangle to other, while keeping up to be the perfect loving couple in public. That was a blast. It was far from romantic though, but it was a pre-arranged marriage? So I guess it sort of counts? Hells if I know.

However I never seen the appeal of it with strangers. For the reasons some people gave above.

But I guess if people are just focused on romance, perhaps it the most honest to not lead people on so to speak? Might as well be clear that you're just looking for lovey dovey roleplay, and have zero interest in anything beyond that?

In the end though, I do remain a bit sketched out by these type of threads, because they often are red flags in disguises (see OOC clingy behaviour ect). But that might just be me, and I wouldn't hold it against anyone if they had a different view or opinion about it.

As someone said above, it's not likely you're going to roleplay together anyhow, so eh.

Kaiverta · **07-23-2017, 09:08 AM**

(07-23-2017, 08:58 AM)Valic Wrote: As a personal experience, I developed a romantic relationship with my previous persona out of a duo that started as treasure hunters. It also stemmed off an OOC relationship but that was prior to the persona's birth as is. In the end of it, I felt weird mixing the IC and OOC relationship as it was such a big part of my character too. It feels awkward to play as a persona that is so related to someone or nearly requires their character to exist that I figure any IC relationships or etc for my character should be less of an impact on my characters here on out. I've restrained from any relationships IC that may develop OOCly and vice versa to prevent this again. I can see IC relationships still happening but the degree I had mine on my previous persona was too far into the base of the character for the persona to work or feel right again, so for now I feel personally that relationships IC should be somewhat less priority or it takes away from the character themselves. Or it may leave an certain impression that may change how you treat this char ICly/OOCly too depending on how things go in said relationships if they get involved both OOC/IC. That's all just my personal experience though and how I go about it.

Oh yep, I never roleplay with the intent to have romantic relationships. In fact, I started with my silver-haired OC (Krice) almost seventeen years ago now, not even wanting the possibility of the relationships (I was a kid back then, what did I know lol), and I tried to avoid them, but naturally over the years, he grew to become his own man, almost external from a character standing, and developed the relationships on his own, even though, at THAT time, I didn't want relationships because I knew they'd make things complicated.

Now I let things flow as they will, and it's great. Sometimes it ends and it's miserable, but at least it's organic and realistic, and doesn't feel forced.

Kaiverta · **07-23-2017, 09:10 AM**

(07-23-2017, 09:06 AM)Virella Wrote: I only done it purely with friends, because I know we can write characters who fit IC together. Or not. My biggest blast regarding pre-arranged relationship was a marriage between two characters who would prefer to strangle to other, while keeping up to be the perfect loving couple in public. That was a blast. It was far from romantic though, but it was a pre-arranged marriage? So I guess it sort of counts? Hells if I know.

However I never seen the appeal of it with strangers. For the reasons some people gave above.

But I guess if people are just focused on romance, perhaps it the most honest to not lead people on so to speak? Might as well be clear that you're just looking for lovey dovey roleplay, and have zero interest in anything beyond that?

In the end though, I do remain a bit sketched out by these type of threads, because they often are red flags in disguises (see OOC clingy behaviour ect). But that might just be me, and I wouldn't hold it against anyone if they had a different view or opinion about it.

As someone said above, it's not likely you're going to roleplay together anyhow, so eh.

Your 'blast' planned RP reminds me of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I love that movie. Sounds like it was a lot of fun to write. Big Grin

Definitely has to be with people you know and trust, then it more often than not goes well or at least works for a while. With strangers, though... I dunno. It makes sense that you OOCly develop friendships with the people whose characters develop alongside your own, if enough time goes by, so they're only strangers in the beginning. But like with the characters, they interact and slowly become less than strangers, and then friends, and then sometimes romantically inclined. RP is great. Smile

Arashin Kujqai · **07-23-2017, 09:13 AM**

(07-23-2017, 09:08 AM)Kaiverta Wrote:
(07-23-2017, 08:58 AM)Valic Wrote: As a personal experience, I developed a romantic relationship with my previous persona out of a duo that started as treasure hunters. It also stemmed off an OOC relationship but that was prior to the persona's birth as is. In the end of it, I felt weird mixing the IC and OOC relationship as it was such a big part of my character too. It feels awkward to play as a persona that is so related to someone or nearly requires their character to exist that I figure any IC relationships or etc for my character should be less of an impact on my characters here on out. I've restrained from any relationships IC that may develop OOCly and vice versa to prevent this again. I can see IC relationships still happening but the degree I had mine on my previous persona was too far into the base of the character for the persona to work or feel right again, so for now I feel personally that relationships IC should be somewhat less priority or it takes away from the character themselves. Or it may leave an certain impression that may change how you treat this char ICly/OOCly too depending on how things go in said relationships if they get involved both OOC/IC. That's all just my personal experience though and how I go about it.

Oh yep, I never roleplay with the intent to have romantic relationships. In fact, I started with my silver-haired OC (Krice) almost seventeen years ago now, not even wanting the possibility of the relationships (I was a kid back then, what did I know lol), and I tried to avoid them, but naturally over the years, he grew to become his own man, almost external from a character standing, and developed the relationships on his own, even though, at THAT time, I didn't want relationships because I knew they'd make things complicated.

Now I let things flow as they will, and it's great. Sometimes it ends and it's miserable, but at least it's organic and realistic, and doesn't feel forced.

Exactly! Mine was weird because I was a treasure hunter and she was my client in seeking a particular pendant. That was good and all until we decided to take our OOC relations into IC and when things ended, it kinda made me look at my char and go "ehhh.... I'm not feeling it", mostly because it felt it crossed too far into the territory of the character itself. I think at some point I claimed there was a hidden marriage of some kind but it felt like the relationship grew OOCly romantically first, we began RP'ing together, then eventually the OOC life kinda poured into the IC one at some point. Then again, I was a light RPer at the time with not much time so, who knows what happened there.

Kaiverta · **07-23-2017, 09:20 AM**

(07-23-2017, 09:13 AM)Valic Wrote:
(07-23-2017, 09:08 AM)Kaiverta Wrote:
(07-23-2017, 08:58 AM)Valic Wrote: As a personal experience, I developed a romantic relationship with my previous persona out of a duo that started as treasure hunters. It also stemmed off an OOC relationship but that was prior to the persona's birth as is. In the end of it, I felt weird mixing the IC and OOC relationship as it was such a big part of my character too. It feels awkward to play as a persona that is so related to someone or nearly requires their character to exist that I figure any IC relationships or etc for my character should be less of an impact on my characters here on out. I've restrained from any relationships IC that may develop OOCly and vice versa to prevent this again. I can see IC relationships still happening but the degree I had mine on my previous persona was too far into the base of the character for the persona to work or feel right again, so for now I feel personally that relationships IC should be somewhat less priority or it takes away from the character themselves. Or it may leave an certain impression that may change how you treat this char ICly/OOCly too depending on how things go in said relationships if they get involved both OOC/IC. That's all just my personal experience though and how I go about it.

Oh yep, I never roleplay with the intent to have romantic relationships. In fact, I started with my silver-haired OC (Krice) almost seventeen years ago now, not even wanting the possibility of the relationships (I was a kid back then, what did I know lol), and I tried to avoid them, but naturally over the years, he grew to become his own man, almost external from a character standing, and developed the relationships on his own, even though, at THAT time, I didn't want relationships because I knew they'd make things complicated.

Now I let things flow as they will, and it's great. Sometimes it ends and it's miserable, but at least it's organic and realistic, and doesn't feel forced.
Exactly! Mine was weird because I was a treasure hunter and she was my client in seeking a particular pendant. That was good and all until we decided to take our OOC relations into IC and when things ended, it kinda made me look at my char and go "ehhh.... I'm not feeling it", mostly because it felt it crossed too far into the territory of the character itself. I think at some point I claimed there was a hidden marriage of some kind but it felt like the relationship grew OOCly romantically first, we began RP'ing together, then eventually the OOC life kinda poured into the IC one at some point. Then again, I was a light RPer at the time with not much time so, who knows what happened there.

Ohh, yep. Once the OOC/IC line is crossed, things can get very messy. It's a shame.

AishaHeartfield · **07-23-2017, 09:29 AM**

For me personally, so much character development occurs through the complex interactions between my character and those written by other people. To skip all the experiences and interactions that may lead to an organic connection between them is to deny my character what I feel to be genuine development and progression within the world. A large part of the creative appeal of roleplay for me, as opposed to writing on my own, is to watch my character develop through unpredictable situations and engagements with others.

I feel that a prior arranged romantic roleplay would rob that creative process of its organic value and in turn, result in a character that feels forced or unnatural. It would affect my immersion.

While I certainly don't judge others for pre-arranging romances, or seeking out that kind of writing specifically; I feel that the relationships my character forms with others is part of the greater whole of who she is. Romance is never the central theme to the story of any of my characters, only a supporting plot that may or may not enhance her story and development.

From my experiences, I find that the more forceful someone appears OOClyÂ for their character to be involved with my own, the less receptive I become to the idea even if it may have been a natural step my character could have taken. I distinctly recall, my character becoming involved with another (a different game) and when I in a friendly way said I 'missed them' meaning the writing during a very busy period of my life the person's response was, "You don't miss them. You miss me."

Needless to say, I did not continue to roleplay with that person because they had begun to blur the lines and since have grown cautious of roleplay with too heavy a romantic component.

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