This conversation was sparked by this thread, but I decided to make a new thread as to not derail the original topic and detract from all the great discussion happening there. (Plus, I know I can be pretty long winded and didn't want to spam the thread--that being said, please bear with me!) Spahro actually typed up a thread in a similar vein while I was typing all this, woo!
So let's start with cliques!
Such a dirty word! At least, that's how it's often thrown around in RP communities. But the truth is--
Cliques aren't bad.
Cliques are a natural part of any social environment, and are actually good in many ways. We find people we have the most in common with, and we spend the most time with those people. Your clique can be people who are often online at the same time as you, or who want to RP the same things/genre (romance, action, etc.), or who have similar views on lore, or who have similar writing/role-play styles, or who you just get along with OOC. Your clique can be people from your free companies or linkshells, or people who often RP in the same locations as you, or people you've known for years outside the game, be it from real life or other MMO's. Maybe you're shy and your clique are the first people who spoke to you, or the people who consistently reach out to you, or the only people you know.
We only have time to chat and role-play with so many people in the day. We can only juggle so many conversations and role-plays at once, only have so many people present and included in the same role-play. Some people we can't even catch online and available at the same time as we are. Some people we just aren't compatible with, as role-players and/or as people. Of course we give priority to those we prefer the most, or those who are the most convenient.
So if cliques are a good thing, why are they demonized?
Well, quite simply, because cliques can become exclusive, and exclusivity is bad! RP communities are typically quite small in the grand scheme of things and need openness and inclusion to thrive. While idealistically it's something we should all be striving for, helping the RP community flourish does not need to be the personal agenda of every role-player. So with that in mind, it's fine when some people desire to be closed off, have few friends, and purposefully interact with few people. To each their own! We're all paying our own $15 a month here, so we can spend the time we pay for as we please. But those of us who do want include others may be wondering...
How do I stop my clique of friends and RP partners from being exclusive?
Quite simply, be open to others. You don't have to go out of your way to reach out to anyone, just give those trying to work their way in a chance to be involved. Obviously, if they don't mesh well with you and your friends, you don't have to integrate the person into your every day social circle. Just give the person a chance, at least, and entertain them for a couple hours! Some RP events and storylines can be difficult to involve others in, so realistically you can't really heavily include every bystander who wants to be involved. However, rather than simply ignore them or say "Sorry, you can't join us," it does wonders to explain "Hey, this is sorta pre-planned/closed/whatever so we can't really involve other people spontaneously" or even to say, "We may not be able to work you into an active role right now, but you're welcome to RP someone on the sidelines spectating!"
Another good thing to do is role-play publicly! While I haven't seen it as much here, in the last MMO I played, there was a large issue of many people role-playing exclusively in party chat, whispers, or guild chat. There was a rampant fear that any public role-play would be "ruined" by trolls or, worse, "bad role-players." These fears were largely unfounded, as such people were rare to encounter and fairly easily to ignore or work around. Do not let fear bog down RP for you and others. Trolls do not have to "ruin your immersion." They only have as much power of you as you let them have. Don't feed them. Don't let them win. Ignore them.
Next, popularity!
I'll try not to echo anything said in Spahro's thread too much. But it's good to remember this isn't high school. Yes, there are "popular" people here. However, popularity here isn't determined by who's the prettiest, or whose parents have the most money, or who has the wildest parties, or who made the cheerleading/football team, or who wears the nicest clothes or has the most makeout sessions under the bleachers.
"Popularity" on MMO's is achieved through someone's own deeds, intentionally or otherwise. It's usually not gained intentionally aside from people hoping to bring attention to their FC, linkshells, or events--things that other people in the company can participate in and benefit from. And even if it was intentional solely for one's self-interest, who can blame someone for wanting some attention? Is that not the reason anyone posts here? Don't we want our words to be read and recognized?
Let's not villainize the "popular" people.
People are "popular" here because they've made an impact. They've been present. They've been noticed consistently. Sure, sometimes people become infamous thanks to being at the center of drama or making frequent negative comments here. But more often, people are recognized for positive contributions like leading groups and making events, being very outgoing and befriending everyone, or recognized for more neutral things like being online often, posting often, chatting frequently, and being involved in many things with different circles of people. These are good things.
"Popularity" didn't fall into the laps of most people. It was earned by time and energy invested, role-plays had, friends made, messages sent, posts typed. They are not the chosen few, they're the few who put forth the most effort, or had the most free time to spend, or at least who had the most charisma to attract attention.
"Server celebrities" often do not acknowledge or sometimes even realize their own status, likely because they never meant to achieve, but rather they likely only sought to make friends and be involved in things for their own entertainment. Being "popular" does not make anyone closed off or exclusive. In fact, people in MMO's are typically considered "popular" based on them interacting with many people from different social circles.
A popular person may be less likely to reach out to you personally, but that does not mean they are ignoring you or don't want to interact with you! I can't speak for anyone else and I'm not sure I personally fall into the "popular" group, but I have many people asking me to role-play. I do not often ask or approach others to role-play not because I don't want to, but rather because by the time I've role-played with all the people requesting it of me, there's no time left in the day for me to request role-play from others. Chances are, if you message a "popular" person for role-play, they'll happily oblige if schedules permit!
Like "clique," "popular" should not be a dirty word!
And last, we've reached positivity!
As I glossed over in addressing popularity, being well-known is achieved by someone getting out there and selling himself or herself. We're typically a friendly lot here, at least to people we don't have personal beef with! So with that, unless some mean person has something specifically against you, most people are not ignored! The internet is a big place. Each person's free time is limited. Even on the RPC, there are a lot of threads, a lot of posts, a lot of people, and only so much time to absorb it all, even less type responses to them all.
In the interest of time and sanity, people skim over content and only respond to the things that really catch their eye. Some things may not catch someone's interest. Some things might have piqued someone's interest, but the person may have accidentally overlooked it. Some threads may have caught someone's eye, but were posted while the person was offline and by the time they browse the RPC, the thread is long since buried and they never see it.
Don't expect people to come to you. Go to them. There's this strange double-standard where many of us (and I've been guilty of this many of times before, myself) expect everyone to come to us and bring role-play to us a silver platter, yet we do not do the same for others (because, can you blame us, why would we?). If everyone has this mentality, no one will ever role-play with anyone because we're all waiting for someone else to approach us first.
I understand some people are shy and want to remain a role-play wallflower, and that's okay! But if you're not happy about the amount of role-play you are receiving, it's up to you to stop being a wallflower and change that. Blaming others for not approaching you won't solve the problem, and actually makes you less approachable to others.
I will contradict my earlier statement and say that some posts are intentionally ignored by others--posts that are negative. If you frequently complain about not getting role-play or have a very negative tone about that, people may consider you someone pessimistic and not fun to interact with, someone who may feel entitled to recognition from others, someone selfish and somewhat lazy, etc. These assumptions may not be accurate, but there's sufficient grounds for people to make them. They will happen. People are attracted to positivity and enthusiasm. Turn that "Why does no RP with me??
" to "I'd really like to find some people to role-play with! 
" It's okay to feel down sometimes, it's okay to vent, but ultimately it's not doing you any favors in this scenario
If you want to help others find role-play, be a kind person and reach out to them. Find some poor soul who's hurting for role-play and deliver it to them! However, you're one of the poor unfortunate souls, don't wait for some kindly person to rescue you. Walk up to someone in the Quicksand. Go to an RP event. Shoot a message to that "popular" role-player you admire. Respond to that poor RP-starved fellow you see moping around the forums. Take the initiative to find role-play for yourself. You may be surprised to find very few people will outright reject or ignore you (at least if you don't take every lack of response as a rejection--some people don't see your messages, some people forget to respond, sometimes the game eats messages, etc.). When people do respond, you still have to tackle the hurdle of setting up something and finding a time you're both free, which doesn't always pan out before at least one side of the party gets tired of playing message-tag, but that's why it's good to throw a lot of stuff at the wall and see what sticks.
Don't message just one person, have no luck, and get discouraged. Keep trying. Keep reaching out to people. Keep pushing. Don't take rejection or avoidance personally. It's not just you. You aren't undesirable. All the "popular" people faced the same problems at first (and they still might outside their normal group of friends, large as it may be!)--they just kept pushing until they broke into a social circle and made some friends.
So let's start with cliques!
Such a dirty word! At least, that's how it's often thrown around in RP communities. But the truth is--
Cliques aren't bad.
Cliques are a natural part of any social environment, and are actually good in many ways. We find people we have the most in common with, and we spend the most time with those people. Your clique can be people who are often online at the same time as you, or who want to RP the same things/genre (romance, action, etc.), or who have similar views on lore, or who have similar writing/role-play styles, or who you just get along with OOC. Your clique can be people from your free companies or linkshells, or people who often RP in the same locations as you, or people you've known for years outside the game, be it from real life or other MMO's. Maybe you're shy and your clique are the first people who spoke to you, or the people who consistently reach out to you, or the only people you know.
We only have time to chat and role-play with so many people in the day. We can only juggle so many conversations and role-plays at once, only have so many people present and included in the same role-play. Some people we can't even catch online and available at the same time as we are. Some people we just aren't compatible with, as role-players and/or as people. Of course we give priority to those we prefer the most, or those who are the most convenient.
So if cliques are a good thing, why are they demonized?
Well, quite simply, because cliques can become exclusive, and exclusivity is bad! RP communities are typically quite small in the grand scheme of things and need openness and inclusion to thrive. While idealistically it's something we should all be striving for, helping the RP community flourish does not need to be the personal agenda of every role-player. So with that in mind, it's fine when some people desire to be closed off, have few friends, and purposefully interact with few people. To each their own! We're all paying our own $15 a month here, so we can spend the time we pay for as we please. But those of us who do want include others may be wondering...
How do I stop my clique of friends and RP partners from being exclusive?
Quite simply, be open to others. You don't have to go out of your way to reach out to anyone, just give those trying to work their way in a chance to be involved. Obviously, if they don't mesh well with you and your friends, you don't have to integrate the person into your every day social circle. Just give the person a chance, at least, and entertain them for a couple hours! Some RP events and storylines can be difficult to involve others in, so realistically you can't really heavily include every bystander who wants to be involved. However, rather than simply ignore them or say "Sorry, you can't join us," it does wonders to explain "Hey, this is sorta pre-planned/closed/whatever so we can't really involve other people spontaneously" or even to say, "We may not be able to work you into an active role right now, but you're welcome to RP someone on the sidelines spectating!"
Another good thing to do is role-play publicly! While I haven't seen it as much here, in the last MMO I played, there was a large issue of many people role-playing exclusively in party chat, whispers, or guild chat. There was a rampant fear that any public role-play would be "ruined" by trolls or, worse, "bad role-players." These fears were largely unfounded, as such people were rare to encounter and fairly easily to ignore or work around. Do not let fear bog down RP for you and others. Trolls do not have to "ruin your immersion." They only have as much power of you as you let them have. Don't feed them. Don't let them win. Ignore them.
Next, popularity!
I'll try not to echo anything said in Spahro's thread too much. But it's good to remember this isn't high school. Yes, there are "popular" people here. However, popularity here isn't determined by who's the prettiest, or whose parents have the most money, or who has the wildest parties, or who made the cheerleading/football team, or who wears the nicest clothes or has the most makeout sessions under the bleachers.
"Popularity" on MMO's is achieved through someone's own deeds, intentionally or otherwise. It's usually not gained intentionally aside from people hoping to bring attention to their FC, linkshells, or events--things that other people in the company can participate in and benefit from. And even if it was intentional solely for one's self-interest, who can blame someone for wanting some attention? Is that not the reason anyone posts here? Don't we want our words to be read and recognized?
Let's not villainize the "popular" people.
People are "popular" here because they've made an impact. They've been present. They've been noticed consistently. Sure, sometimes people become infamous thanks to being at the center of drama or making frequent negative comments here. But more often, people are recognized for positive contributions like leading groups and making events, being very outgoing and befriending everyone, or recognized for more neutral things like being online often, posting often, chatting frequently, and being involved in many things with different circles of people. These are good things.
"Popularity" didn't fall into the laps of most people. It was earned by time and energy invested, role-plays had, friends made, messages sent, posts typed. They are not the chosen few, they're the few who put forth the most effort, or had the most free time to spend, or at least who had the most charisma to attract attention.
"Server celebrities" often do not acknowledge or sometimes even realize their own status, likely because they never meant to achieve, but rather they likely only sought to make friends and be involved in things for their own entertainment. Being "popular" does not make anyone closed off or exclusive. In fact, people in MMO's are typically considered "popular" based on them interacting with many people from different social circles.
A popular person may be less likely to reach out to you personally, but that does not mean they are ignoring you or don't want to interact with you! I can't speak for anyone else and I'm not sure I personally fall into the "popular" group, but I have many people asking me to role-play. I do not often ask or approach others to role-play not because I don't want to, but rather because by the time I've role-played with all the people requesting it of me, there's no time left in the day for me to request role-play from others. Chances are, if you message a "popular" person for role-play, they'll happily oblige if schedules permit!
Like "clique," "popular" should not be a dirty word!
And last, we've reached positivity!
As I glossed over in addressing popularity, being well-known is achieved by someone getting out there and selling himself or herself. We're typically a friendly lot here, at least to people we don't have personal beef with! So with that, unless some mean person has something specifically against you, most people are not ignored! The internet is a big place. Each person's free time is limited. Even on the RPC, there are a lot of threads, a lot of posts, a lot of people, and only so much time to absorb it all, even less type responses to them all.
In the interest of time and sanity, people skim over content and only respond to the things that really catch their eye. Some things may not catch someone's interest. Some things might have piqued someone's interest, but the person may have accidentally overlooked it. Some threads may have caught someone's eye, but were posted while the person was offline and by the time they browse the RPC, the thread is long since buried and they never see it.
Don't expect people to come to you. Go to them. There's this strange double-standard where many of us (and I've been guilty of this many of times before, myself) expect everyone to come to us and bring role-play to us a silver platter, yet we do not do the same for others (because, can you blame us, why would we?). If everyone has this mentality, no one will ever role-play with anyone because we're all waiting for someone else to approach us first.
I understand some people are shy and want to remain a role-play wallflower, and that's okay! But if you're not happy about the amount of role-play you are receiving, it's up to you to stop being a wallflower and change that. Blaming others for not approaching you won't solve the problem, and actually makes you less approachable to others.
I will contradict my earlier statement and say that some posts are intentionally ignored by others--posts that are negative. If you frequently complain about not getting role-play or have a very negative tone about that, people may consider you someone pessimistic and not fun to interact with, someone who may feel entitled to recognition from others, someone selfish and somewhat lazy, etc. These assumptions may not be accurate, but there's sufficient grounds for people to make them. They will happen. People are attracted to positivity and enthusiasm. Turn that "Why does no RP with me??
" to "I'd really like to find some people to role-play with! " It's okay to feel down sometimes, it's okay to vent, but ultimately it's not doing you any favors in this scenarioIf you want to help others find role-play, be a kind person and reach out to them. Find some poor soul who's hurting for role-play and deliver it to them! However, you're one of the poor unfortunate souls, don't wait for some kindly person to rescue you. Walk up to someone in the Quicksand. Go to an RP event. Shoot a message to that "popular" role-player you admire. Respond to that poor RP-starved fellow you see moping around the forums. Take the initiative to find role-play for yourself. You may be surprised to find very few people will outright reject or ignore you (at least if you don't take every lack of response as a rejection--some people don't see your messages, some people forget to respond, sometimes the game eats messages, etc.). When people do respond, you still have to tackle the hurdle of setting up something and finding a time you're both free, which doesn't always pan out before at least one side of the party gets tired of playing message-tag, but that's why it's good to throw a lot of stuff at the wall and see what sticks.
Don't message just one person, have no luck, and get discouraged. Keep trying. Keep reaching out to people. Keep pushing. Don't take rejection or avoidance personally. It's not just you. You aren't undesirable. All the "popular" people faced the same problems at first (and they still might outside their normal group of friends, large as it may be!)--they just kept pushing until they broke into a social circle and made some friends.
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