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+--- Thread: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) (/showthread.php?tid=11002)
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Magellan - 04-08-2015
(04-08-2015, 03:59 AM)Eleni Wrote: Erm, everyone else has given way better advice than me...ÂLol but your post was so amazingly upbeat :p
Ignore my post...
To OP, I've been hurt pretty bad in the mmo world, to the point I actually took a year off to lick my wounds. When I came back I was able to take things a little less seriously, and overall avoid people I consider toxic.
I tend to try and talk things out if there is a misunderstanding, but if people don't respond to that, then at least I know I tried. As for addressing the actual hurt itself, I try to remember there are loads of folks who appreciate me for me, both in game and out, and try to spend some time doing fun things with them to bolster my spirits.
Hope you're able to find some peace and resolution.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Steel Wolf - 04-08-2015
Honestly, I have wondered aloud and in writing why the hell I'm RP'ing as a result of feels.
I'm not sure I can provide advice, as I have yet come to an answer to my own questions. That said, I am looking to the few people who offer encouragement, support and genuine interest as the watermark and not the outside damage of a multitude or personal assumptions of myself.
"Keep your friends close", in other words.
I hope that's helpful. <3
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Jerciex - 04-08-2015
Yes, couple times over stupid things.
When my feelings are hurt I usually try to talk about it with close friend in-game, but sometimes I can't, even I want. I'm ashamed to talk about reason that hurt my feelings. That is when I tend to withdrawn to my own shell and think about it alone. This means I get leave situation politely and log out from game, taking break. Usually feeling is gone night and all is good again when I meet this/these person(s), 99% of the time.
I have noticed it has been me who made things look worse than they are and allowed my thoughts confuse me.
Hopefully this was somehow helpful and allows you find solution.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Rila - 04-08-2015
My approach is simple.
I ask myself two questions: 1) How important is this person and/or storyline to me? 2) How much time, effort and energy would it take to resolve the issue with them? The answer to this will usually be a best case scenario and a worst case scenario.
I then weigh the answers against one another. If their importance to me is greater than the energy I expect it would take, I will try to work things out. Otherwise, I just kind of shrug and not make much of an effort to engage them anymore.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Zhavi - 04-08-2015
(04-08-2015, 02:40 AM)Faye Wrote: It just depends on the situation, really.
If it was something slight and likely an accident or something unintentional,or something I know I'm being somewhat irrational about, I ignore it and try to forget it.
If I think it was intentional and the person is toxic all around, I try avoid them and cut them out of my life entirely if they prove to continue to be a problem.
If it was a someone I care for and a friendship I deem important and salvageable, I talk to the person, politely and calmly as possible tell them what they did to upset me and try to work things out.
This, really hard. Sometimes you're overreacting, sometimes you're not. If you're hurt enough for it to affect your state of being, you talk.
Because, really, if I am well and truly hurt, ignoring it has never fully made the hurt go away, you know? Nothing is perfect, but communication will get you there the closest, imo.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Flashhelix - 04-08-2015
not really no
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - McBeefâ„¢ - 04-08-2015
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9G4J9dSSiE
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Nebbs - 04-08-2015
A few times and I come back for more.. soo...
First before all that hurt, be prepared to get hurt. If you are not then you also miss out on the joy.
For strangers and casual friends then this is easily brushed off. If that raid really wound you up go do something else until you can shake it off. This will happen again and again.
Tip: Find a vid/song that always makes you feel happy and calm. Then put an elastic band on your wrist. Every time you feel a twinge of annoyance or hurt, twang that rubber band and play your happy thing. This lets you intercept the automatic reaction and over time you will become more resilient as you start to spot what triggers you. Works for road rage and other stuff too.
What is more hurtful is longer based friendships that go bad, the hurt never goes away in my experience and I carry a few around with me. Try and fix it being open and honest, and if you can't move on. Moving on sounds easy, it isn't .. it really really isn't. Emotions I feel don't care for the logic of separation, emotions are felt by you and are therefore real and you will have to go through real recovery to move on.Â
If you do have to move on, expect it to be painful, break off all contact, links and things that remind you of that person(s). Find new activities and people to be with, and don't be tempted to check on them. Find people who support and believe in you, people who make you smile not frown. At some point you will come to accept the past, and look back on it and learn the lessons about yourself. You will still carry the hurt but you will have some understanding and acceptance.
And it will always hit you when you least expect it.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Qhora Bajihri - 04-08-2015
We get to decide how we feel. Not the person who "made" us feel bad. Us. The people doing the feeling. Someone else may do something that is objectively amoral, or whatever, but they have no capacity to dictate our reactions. Zero. They do a thing. We react to said thing. We choose how to react. We choose. That's pretty much the end of it.
However, I'm a basketcase for a lot of thoroughly external reasons to the game, so my feelings are all over the place, regardless of what I would like or what's best for me. I'm still trying to decide how much distance I need to remain mostly content, nevermind happy. So far, it's quite a lot of distance, but I'm playing the game again, which is nice.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Aris - 04-08-2015
I've never been deeply hurt in the game, as I don't know anyone very well enough to hurt me to such an extent - but I've been hurt by friends who I met over the internet which is the same thing. To be honest, to me it's just the same as being hurt by friends in person, except on the net it's easier to block them and never see them again, whereas that's a little more difficult in person depending on social circles. But I digress.
I think it's important to get some space from the situation first of all, especially if emotions are raging. It's no good making a decision or trying to talk to someone when you or they are like that because if people get angry or upset they often can't think rationally, or in an argument pride can get in the way over logic.
After that, I guess I usually approach them and talk it out. Communication is important, especially if it's a friend. Try and understand the situation and the other person's point of view. It's difficult to say much further because it depends on the situation. But I'm trying to remember there's no point regretting anything, because you can't change the past, but you can change the future. There is always something to learn from it - so learn and move on, because I can always change myself for the better. And accept their apology, but if they're a repeat offender consider taking a step away because it's not worth putting up with someone who makes you feel hurt on a regular basis.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Aaron - 04-08-2015
I haven't exactly been hurt per say, more that I will feel like I've done something wrong because of just how I'm nice as a person majority of the time.
Like in grindstone, I feel bad a little OOC if I win without so much as a scratch, or Aaron IC says something like "You're annoying the fuck outta me." It just happens and I can't explain why.
So far as me being offended myself? It rarely happens, I mean sure I might be astounded or go wtf o.o ? But in the end I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and just let em rage, sooner or later they say sorry and we wound up being friends and stuff.
I'm a very chill person or so I like to think, I forgive pretty much any and everything and I apologize for a lot of stuff half the time I didn't even do. It's just who I am. (That's not wimpy at all, just courtesy thank you.)
But if it's something like people calling what you say ridiculous because of how they feel personally or something along those lines and I feel that trying to defend myself to them is a waste of time. I simply tell them they don't /have/ to acknowledge my existence. I'm not losing any sleep over how they feel (as long as I didn't cause that feeling explicitly of course)
I tend to get along really well with almost anyone. Or at least I try to.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Titor - 04-08-2015
Yep
I moved on by making new, better connections, reconciling with the in-game relationships they attempted to tear apart, and moving on with my IC story and OOC psyche, and it has been much healthier for me in general.
My advice would be try to find the positive in the situations. If someone really turns on your suddenly or is knowingly setting up the conditions for rampant dramamongering, that is not really someone that should not really be wanted in your IC and OOC life, and was never really a friend to begin with.
Just keep trying to be the best person you can be, that is what I do, at least, and it seems to have worked quite well.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Cato - 04-08-2015
I've been stabbed in the back a few times over the years both in the real world and in MMO's. I strive to emerge from such an ordeal with my dignity intact, however and simply take the very firm stance of cutting off all contact with those who directly harm either myself or those that I care about.
I do, however, worry that I come across as frigid at times. I'm rather guarded these days since in the past when I revealed my tender side and more about my real life it was exploited and taken advantage of.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Nebbs - 04-08-2015
(04-08-2015, 05:14 PM)Titor Wrote: Yep
I moved on by making new, better connections, reconciling with the in-game relationships they attempted to tear apart, and moving on with my IC story and OOC psyche, and it has been much healthier for me in general.
My advice would be try to find the positive in the situations. If someone really turns on your suddenly or is knowingly setting up the conditions for rampant dramamongering, that is not really someone that should not really be wanted in your IC and OOC life, and was never really a friend to begin with.
Just keep trying to be the best person you can be, that is what I do, at least, and it seems to have worked quite well.
I think real experience says more than any theory.. *hugs*
(04-08-2015, 05:15 PM)Graeham Ridgefield Wrote: I've been stabbed in the back a few times over the years both in the real world and in MMO's. I strive to emerge from such an ordeal with my dignity intact, however and simply take the very firm stance of cutting off all contact with those who directly harm either myself or those that I care about.
I do, however, worry that I come across as frigid at times. I'm rather guarded these days since in the past when I revealed my tender side and more about my real life it was exploited and taken advantage of.
If it is malicious I agree, but often things fall apart and all are hurt. There is no fault just regret.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Parvacake - 04-08-2015
Deep breaths is the best advice I can think to give.
My gaming career has been almost nothing BUT MMOs which means I interact with people almost constantly whenever I play my games. Given that, it means that there are a lot of opportunities to not get along. Miscommunications. Running into asshats. Etc.
What I've found that helps me the most is to simply surround yourself with positive people. If someone is a dick to you for whatever reason? Immerse with those who have shown you kindness. Do an activity you really enjoy (PvP, grinding levels, crafting, etc.) and lose yourself in it for a few hours until it takes the edge of the burn off so you can look at things more clearly.
We're all humans and we all have feelings even if we're separated by screens and miles.