Hydaelyn Role-Players
Fixing a character that's hard to swallow - Printable Version

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RE: Fixing a character that's hard to swallow - Athil - 06-07-2017

There's a lot of solid advice here about handling the IC bits and some good suggestions on the OOC behavior changes. But even with some of the changes listed, you'll still probably run into issues down the road. Realistically, you've been with this FC for a while and with this character for a while. These concerns didn't build out of nowhere, and where they're at now will always inform your reputation (we call it your Personal Brand in CorporateLandia).

Practically what this means is that even if you change characters, there's a very good chance that your FC mates will still be wary of RPing with you. How can they know you won't fall into the same pitfalls? So here's how you start fixing that:

  1. Acknowledge. You need to have conversations with your FC mates, your FC leaders, and your friends that you realize you're having issues with your RP. It's very likely that they'll offer you advice or criticism or simple acknowledgement. Ignore the temptation to justify things.
  2. Define specific actionable things you need to change. These things can be big or small (and I would recommend small). The critical component is that each item needs to be actionable. "Being a better RPer" is not actionable. "Let my RP partner close each scene" is actionable.
  3. Commit to your actions. Once you've decided your plan (we call it action planning!1!1 in CorporateLandia), privately and publicly share your plan and commitment. It's not enough to know that you're going to improve things. You need to actively tell your RP partners and guildmates that you are planning to improve things, and you need to tell them how.
  4. Follow-up and seek out feedback. Once you've started doing this, make sure to regularly follow up with your fellow RPers. Right after a scene is completed, ask them follow up questions. "How did I do?" "Did you feel like I was stealing the scene?" "Is there anything I could have done better to help your RP experience?" Some of these questions can seem almost overwrought, but I promise that your RP partners will appreciate it.
  5. Accept all feedback with "Thank you." As before, don't try and justify your actions; don't try to change someone's mind on their feedback or "explain what they didn't understand." Say "thank you" (for all feedback is a gift) and then file it away. Once you've moved past the moment, you can choose how you want to synthesize the feedback received, but the proper initial response to all feedback is "thank you".
  6. Start the cycle again. Iterating on feedback and growing/developing is a constant journey.
The reason this cycle works so well at adjusting your personal brand is that it forces people to actually change their perspective by following your progress with you. Take these two scenarios:

Scenario A: Joe RPer is trying to become a better RPer. He knows he's a scene stealer, but he's really started to work on it. But after months of hard work, he ends up in a situation where he can't help himself and steals a scene. His FC mates think "Oh, man, guess Joe really isn't any different" even though this is just a momentary relapse.

Scenario B: Joe RPer is trying to become a better RPer. He knows he's a scene stealer, but he's really started to work on it. What's more, he's following up on his progress with others on his RP, and people are starting to notice that, yes, Joe doesn't really scene steal anymore. But after months of hard work, he ends up in a situation where he can't help himself and steals a scene. In Scenario B, his FC mates will think "Oh, man, Joe's been doing really good. It's disappointing that he relapsed, but I know he's been doing better, and I know he's been really working at it."

In both scenarios, Joe has changed (for the better!). But his external relationships with his FCers are much stronger in Scenario B.

Taking action and making deliberate behavior changes will be tough. It'll feel uncomfortable and uneasy, especially if you've never done this kind of work before. But you will be better for it in the long run, and not just in RP, but in all aspects of your life.

Best of luck to you! I hope it works out. Chocobo

A lot of this was paraphrased by the work of Marshall Goldsmith, who is a great speaker and has a book or five!