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RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
Rigid handwriting, showing a tenseness in the writer’s hand.I…I don’t know what has happened. While sitting and overlooking the bay, S’anhu approached me. I actually thought it would be anyone but him. Oddly, he seemed…upset? And then he was telling me Daevien was hurt. That he, S’anhu, had stabbed him! I think I was in shock, stunned. He continued to explain and I fear…it is what happened so long ago. I had never spoken to anyone about that night except Daevien. I shared a small piece with S’anhu, acknowledging I had indeed seen Daevien like this before - if this was even the same thing…?
S’anhu told me Kel was downstairs with Daevien, that his wounds had just started to heal up themselves? Part of me wanted to run to him, make sure he was ok. But if it had been…that creature when his eyes opened. I don’t know what I would have done. So I sat down and drank, smoked…S’anhu kept me company as I finally realized he was not upset with me. He must have a lot going on now and I told him how happy I was to see him happy with Kora. One of us in this crew deserves it, right? He looked exhausted still….I was going to offer a hug, but…the conversation turned a bit sour I suppose. He did his best to smooth it over, but it seemed from his wording that I am indeed a weak link, that I could easily be injured. I tried to keep my hands hidden at this point. In anger I had gone out earlier, punching a training dummy until my knuckles bled. Not that I know what I am doing. I just….I felt like I had been carrying this sadness and anger and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Thankfully, S’anhu did not ask about the state of my hands.
My thoughts kept drifting back to Daevien. I was scared to go to him but I couldn’t be far away. So I have hung my hammock up just outside the living quarters. I will be here when he awakens.
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
Daevien did not stir. I am not sure why he has slept so long, what is going on? I wasn’t going to wake him…and I know he didn’t ask for me…that says a lot, right? So I left the ship to make a quick delivery up to Fallgourd. Rather forward Hyur approached me and called me a ‘moonlit rose’. Perhaps those sweet lines work on other females. But…it won’t with me. I look at their actions…and actions sure say a lot, don’t they?Interesting that as I approached the inn to drop off the herbs I saw Lina. Lina?? Turns out she had been hiding to keep away from Carter. We chatted while I drank my tea. I felt bad, Lina looked lonely, bored perhaps? I want to help with the Carter situation, but I don’t think anyone thinks I would be helpful. Oddly enough, as we sat, it dawned on me Lina was wearing Ace’s shirt….This is proof I have been in the clouds. Lina….was wearing Ace’s shirt. His shirt! I thought something was going on at the masquerade and now she is in his clothing? I wanted to press her for information but held off. I know I am too curious and it isn’t my business.
I feel like I need a night to run away, a girl night where I can cry on a shoulder. Rose has been busy, she is who I would turn to. I may go speak to Ace, but…I know he has a lot on his mind and he seemed so tired when I last spoke with him. I am confused by Daevien’s actions as of late. Busy, gone…he leaves as soon as he is back. I suppose that is message enough, right? I would talk to Lina about it, but she has her own stuff going on and S’anhu…well, S’anhu has more important things to focus on.
Before I returned to the ship, I stopped by to see Relan. He simply held me in his arms as I cried…I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. I remember him simply rubbing my back and patting my head. Told me life was never easy or simple. It’s funny how we all used to gather at the wayward point and I felt like things were good. So much has happened, it feels fractured. It’s amazing how lonely one can feel…even while in a group.
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
The exhaustion is evident in the sloppy writing, barely pressed into the parchment as if the writer was simply drained…He still hasn’t stirred. I remember that Daevien needed sleep last time, but not this much. My poor Dae…And if it is the dragon when he awakens, I remember how scared I was before, I am not sure I can be there to face him. I…I don’t understand why he has continued to sleep, that he doesn’t awake and call for me.
I received a note from the conjurer’s guild. It seems I am to continue my training. I quickly packed some clothes and was going to travel through the night back to Gridania. As I was leaving the ship, I came across a few of the crew speaking. I know my curiosity is a downfall, but I lingered and heard what Ace said…I don’t even dare write those words out on parchment….Ace…Ace, how can I…we save you? I will remember to speak to those within the conjurer’s guild for guidance on this matter.
And then it seemed Lina had difficulty with it all. And I didn’t know what to say…oddly, I started to feel ill. Not all at once, but like this slow drain. I was rash when I spoke a few times, my own discomfort probably, Gods, I hope it was the reason I said what I said. When Ace left and eventually Lina, S’anhu and I were left standing there. By now my vision had started to tunnel, my head was spinning. I do not know why I became so…exhausted? But, I couldn’t let S’anhu see any of this, that would just confirm the need for someone to always be watching me.
I wanted to leave for Gridania, but not in that condition.I figured if I could travel through the night I would be back tomorrow evening to check on Daevien….but…now…. I quickly hurried back to the ship, I heard S’anhu say something but I missed it. I curled up in my hammock and dozed a few hours. I am awake now, rocking with the lull of the ship, my fingers firmly clasped around the necklace Daevien gave me. I have written him a quick note and tucked a private linkpearl in with the note. I don’t know when he will awaken, but I want him to know he isn’t alone. I hope he understands, I have been waiting for him to awaken…and now I need to see if I can help Ace. The Padjals may know something, he won’t think I am abandoning him, will he?
My knuckles are healing…slowly. Not for long though. I know Relan would disapprove, but some of the sailors down at the dock told me about some…underground fighting rings. I can’t seem to get experience any other way…I plan to seek them out.
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
The opposing page is filled with an unrecognizable language, the script hurried, perhaps sloppy though the reader would be unsure.My head has been spinning. I hope I can remember it all…all this…
After my brief nap on the ship, I left for Gridania. Not without first entering the room where Daevien was resting. I left my note and the pearl there for him. I hope when he wakes he will contact me. I also left a quick note down on the table near where the crew often gathers. Just kept it simple, said anything anyone needed, contact me via the pearl. That I would be there as fast as I could.
I left quickly after, my things were still packed from the previous night. I arrived in Gridania later this morning and immediately went to meet with E-Sumi-Yan. Raya-O-Senna was waiting with him. Great… The two walked with me throughout Old Gridania, finally stopping by the falls. E-Sumi-Yan asked me many confusing questions, things that didn’t seem to have relevance and I became frustrated. He simply patted my hand and returned to the guild while I sat by the water with Raya-O-Senna. Suddenly another Padjal appeared near us and stood in front of me. Inspected me like a damn bug. I was introduced to her, Lan-I-Mata, such peculiar creatures. She finally smiled at me and offered her hand. I didn’t know what I was supposed to it…I shook it…then kissed it and then she huffed and hauled me to my feet. “We must get started.†That was all she said.
We took the small trek to Fallgourd by chocobo, she didn’t answer any questions and I finally just became silent. Once at Fallgourd we stabled our creatures and Lan-I-Mata said we would continue on foot. She stopped by the inn and got us two large mugs of tea, commenting, “You know your plants well. I have always enjoyed the blend of herbs you bring to this particular innkeeper for their tea.†I was stunned, how did she know?! Lan-I-Mata mixed some crushed power into my tea and handed it to me. I must have given her a look, she told me I would need to drink up.
But I didn’t, not right away at least. She finally forcefully told me to stop intruding. I didn’t know what she meant and sputtered so. She remained silent until we found a small path that brought us out to a point overlooking the land…and those strange floating crystals. Standing on the land’s edge, she started to explain. I still don’t fully comprehend it, but something with how I connect…use, maybe bend the aether. My emotional energy is somehow entwined with that. Lan-I-Mata asked me if I had been feeling drained when around others, especially others with strong abilities with aether. Ace came to mind and she immediately smiled, “So yes then…†I immediately inquired how she knew such things. And then again, another answer I don’t want to hear, “We all have our gifts…â€
She urged me to drink the tea with whatever she added and I did. Tasted a bit bitter but…I was here for training, correct? We sat down on the edge in silence for a bit longer until I started feeling edgy. I wanted to know what this was all about. Again she responded, “Stop intruding.†I had had it and got up, angry now. She patted the stone again, telling me to sit and started to explain. Whether I was aware of it or not, my curious nature was more than it appeared, stating that she could sense my energy all but pressing her for answers. “Many will not be sensitive enough to notice…but you need to learn how to control this, or you will simply drain away to nothing. You can not leave a leak like that to just drain into the aether surrounding you. It’s like a gate…you leave it open and you are susceptible to being infiltrated emotionally as well.†By now I was starting to feel odd. I demanded to know what was in the tea. She would not tell me the herbs, only stating it was time for me to practice shutting that gate. With each passing moment, as frustration grew, it…it felt like, shocks? Pulses perhaps? As I sat, wondering what to make of it all, before I could ask a question, I could feel it in my body. She would repeat again to stop intruding.
And then…I was blinking…I could see this…sparkly mist in the air, around us. I asked what it was. Lan-I-Mata smiled, “It appears different to different individuals, based upon your skills and gifts…†She told me to not frown before I even had the chance to. She lit a small fire as I was starting to feel chilled and she had me lay back on the ground and look up to the sky. I knew daylight would be ending soon…I needed to go back. Daevien, I needed to see Daevien.
My voice sounded far away…slow…vacant. She was speaking and I couldn’t keep up. I caught that the herbs were to help reduce my ability to manipulate aether temporarily. I could feel my skin become cold and clammy. She sat me up and made me face her. And then…I felt this odd sensation, as if she had drawn close to me. But she clearly wasn’t, she was sitting on the other side of the fire. Again, I asked her what she was doing and she told me I needed to shut the gate…on my own power, not something borrowed by the aether around me. I struggled…I sat, I tried. I started to feel sorry for myself…and she scoffed at me. “This is just the beginning…†In anger, I visualized slamming a door loudly right in her face and she suddenly broke out into a smile. Moving to sit beside me, this odd Padjal patted my hand and nodded, telling me I had indeed cut off her access. I was woozy…my head spinning. She muttered I had been letting my very essence just drain away and had been careless. I would have been angry if I was not exhausted.
Raya-O-Senna showed up…I don’t know if she was there for any of this…she just was there suddenly. She wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. I tried to speak and she gently wrapped her arms around me…all I could do was weep. I am not sure now what I was even crying about…maybe it was for all of us…and for all the pain. I may have drifted off, I am not sure. When I became more lucid, Lan-I-Mata looked at me sternly, stating, “You should go some place safe and rest. But I know you won’t. You have foolish plans. Being a martyr doesn’t suit you, so listen to me closely. These herbs will keep you from being able to manipulate aether for another day, perhaps two. That means, if you become injured, you will not be able to heal yourself. Do you understand me?â€
So this stubborn, nosy, horned creature had intruded enough into my thoughts to know I had planned on going to the underground fighting ring… I turned my head, Raya-O-Senna caught my gaze and I didn’t speak. I heard Raya-O-Senna murmur something to Lan-I-Mata and she grabbed this very journal, writing down something on the sheet of parchment. I don’t understand now, looking at it…but I remember being able to understand it briefly. Regardless…Lan-I-Mata told me she would see me soon, that I needed to rest.
Raya-O-Senna allowed me the use of her chocobo back to Fallgourd. I should have gone to the inn to rest, but I have sat by the falls, staring at the swirling water, thinking and writing.
No word from anyone on the pearl…no word from Daevien. I hope he is still resting then. I will head to the Limsa now. Whether I have my abilities or not, I need to do this. I need to believe I can…or no one else in the crew will.
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Down By the Docks
The moon had risen high over the bay, the sounds of the ocean were fading away as Poe weaved through the docks. The exhaustion from her day with the Padjals was still heavy on her mind but she was doing her best to keep it at bay. She had stopped in the inn moments before to leave her items in a room for the evening. She had carefully removed the jade ring gifted to her from Relan and her necklace, the one piece that meant more than anything to her, that Daevien had given her. She tucked them into her satchel and stuck it into the top drawer of her desk.Removing her usual vest and skirt, the female slipped into a light linen shirt and thicker cotton pants. Stretching, she considered if the garments gave her enough room to move. Am I being as foolish as Lan-I-Mata has suggested? Poe paused to look down at her hands, the bruises fading into a dull grey. Her fingers gently traced over the sensitive flesh, the achy bones. I really should have consulted with Rose… Poe sighed, dropping her hands to rest comfortably on her hips as she glanced around the room. She already knew she would probably not return that evening, she feared if she were bleeding of having to pay for the clean up. How level-headed of me, to be considerate of the staff here and cleaning up…
And now the female was weaving her way down the crowded and dirty alleys just along the docks. The stench filled her nostrils, the torches causing the shadows to dance along the dingy streets. Trash was pushed along the walls, half-broken boxes were stacked, some filled with trash, other with world possessions of those who had no place to put them. She could hear the ruckus as she dipped her head, stepping down two steps into the lower floor of a building.
Thankful for her eyesight, Poe blinked a moment, adjusting to the dimly lit room. It was packed. She tried to move past the crowds of bodies, pressing closely against each other. The smell of sweat and blood was overwhelming and the female could feel the bile in her stomach start to churn. But she pressed on, pushing deeper through the crowds until she stood at the edge, where it thinned and she saw two men unmercifully hitting each other. The sounds of skin connecting to skin, the grunts of the men and the cheers and jeers of the crowd. It was almost too much. Poe grabbed her head, trying to steady herself.
Finally one of the men collapsed and a small Lalafell entered the ring to name the man standing victorious. Victorious? He looks like he needs medical attention… Poe swallowed nervously as she watched them cart the unconscious man through the crowd and disappear. The crowd roared again and her sensitive ears twitched as she heard the bellowing of masses, frenzied to see more blood spill. Now or never…
She pushed her frame hard against the last layer of the crowd and burst into the open space. The Lalafell turned, giving her an inquisitive stare, “Are you lost, miss?†She could hear the laughter in the air. They are laughing at you… Poe quickly shook her head and took a step toward the Lalafell and knelt down to stare him intensely in the eyes.
“I am here to fight.â€
The crowd roared but Poe refused to break the stare with the small male. His lips curved into a sinister smile and he turned to the crowd, “Did you hear that? She wants to fight? What do we think?â€
The noise rose in the room and Poe stood up, hesitantly looking around the crowd. She did not recognize any faces. Her eyes glossed over and she suddenly realized the Lalafell had been asking her a question.
“What?†She asked and the crowd burst into laughter again.
“I asked,†he snapped, appearing annoyed, “Were you planning on fighting a male or female? We have rules around this.â€
Poe shook her head, confused. What does it matter? The Lalafell crooked a finger for her to come closer and the Miqo’te stepped closer and knelt down. The Lalafell suddenly grabbed her linen shirt by the shoulder and ripped it, the fabric hanging precariously by her shoulders now. Poe’s gasp was lost in cheer of the crowd.
“No shirts…period,†he told her, smiling widely. “The crowd likes to see a good show.†With that, he snapped his fingers in the air and two shadows now loomed over him.
Poe had still been kneeling, stunned, her face flushed with embarrassment as the scraps of her shirt hung, her simple cotton bra exposed. Anxiety swelled in her, glancing up to see the two that had created the shadows.
A highland male and female stood, arms crossed with snide smiles as she looked down upon her. The female was barely clad, her outfit looking like it was made up with simple strips of cloth, barely covering anything. The male had a pair of loose shorts hanging from his hips and nothing more. The Lalafell barked into her face again, “Which one will it be, missy?â€
She swallowed, looking for a way to get out of this. But it was too late, the crowd wanted to see another fight. When Poe did not respond, the Lalafell stepped closer, screaming into her face.
“The…the female…†She finally mumbled. I will not fight a male, I don’t want him touching me.
The male laughed and stepped back to the edge of the circle and the Lalafell smiled, turning suddenly and a large ding sound could be heard. Poe had not anticipated any of this, the female rushed her and knocked her flat out on her back, unmercifully grabbing her ripped shirt and pulling the remainder of her shirt off of her frame. Trying to curl into a protective ball, Poe felt the first blow to her jaw before she had a chance to tuck her chin. Her pronounced canines came down hard on her tongue and the taste of blood filled her mouth.
Her vision rolled, stunning her for a moment as she felt the woman fist her hair and slam her head hard against the dirt floor. Fear boiled up and forced Poe into motion, her knee rising up and causing the female to loose her balance. A quick twist of her hips and she was able to bring her other foot up and firmly kick the woman into the gut. Poe heard her groan and stumble back, the crowd cheering loudly. They clearly cared little for who won, they just wanted to see blood.
Staggering to her feet, Poe spit out a mouthful of blood and lowered her center of gravity, crouched and ready to spring. The blow to her head was now a throbbing pain, pulsing from her head down. The highlander snarled and smiled, charging Poe again.
But the Miqo’te was prepared, staying low and lunging in return, aiming for the woman’s knees. The woman stumbled and Poe pounced, her knees pressed down onto the woman’s torso as the Miqo’te’s fists clenched. She did not recognize her own ragged breathing in her ears, as she swung as hard as she could down upon the woman. Wildly, not even aiming. The impact against her fists would have hurt if she had time to stop and realize. And then suddenly, she was face down in the dirt, the highlander had her right arm twisted and extended behind her. The crowd was chanting and Poe was still trying to process how the woman had even managed to upend her. And then the pain…the sound of the snap was audible and Poe felt something in her shoulder give way. Blackness threatened to fill her vision, the pain almost unbearable. Attempting to wiggle from the highlander’s grip, the sound of her shoulder grinding could be heard. The highlander released her, standing up and encouraging the crowd.
Poe spat out another mouthful of blood as she got to her knees, shaky now. She turned to face the woman, but clearly untrained, had not anticipated another attack. A punch square to her face. The Miqo’te felt the pain in her nose, the blood starting to flow. Her lower lip split and started to swell immediately. Poe staggered and dropped to her feet. The sounds of the crowd swirling in her head, her vision tunneling again as she almost lost consciousness. Fight as she may, she had been doomed from the start. The highlander strutted around a few moments as Poe knelt on the ground, supporting herself up with her left arm, her right arm hanging from the socket in a way that showed the damage done.
A final kick to her head was all it took and blackness stole the Miqo’te from awareness. Perhaps it was better she was not awake to see, as her body lay on the bloody dirt floor. Her ripped shirt long gone, her face starting to swell from the attacks, blood still seeping from her nose and her split lip.
The Lalafell entered the circle, acknowledging the highlander as the clear winner. The male highlander entered the circle and grabbed Poe by her left arm, unceremoniously dragging her along the floor, the crowd parting as they jeered down upon her form. The highlander exited out a back door, dragging Poe to a large pile of trash in the back alley. He dumped her there, tossing her ripped shirt on top of her form, throwing her out like the rest of the trash.
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
The hand writing is a bit shaky.My head is pounding…I can’t believe the pain. And I owe it to Rose. She somehow came across me where I had been dumped. I was so confused, so out of it, I didn’t even realize at first that something was different. But Rose was different…stronger…more aware??
And then suddenly everyone was there…Lina tended to my wounds after Rose initially patched me up. I saw Ace, S’ahnu, Saefinn…and then Daevien was there. I was so relieved…he came. He brought me back to the ship and put me to bed.
I awoke a few hours later. Daevien was gone…I went up on deck, only a few were still there. Met a man named Carter, he seemed so nice. Asked too many confusing questions…well, S’ahnu did. I was feeling a bit better, but overwhelmed. I have returned to my room, I just…I am so confused. What to do…I need more sleep, maybe that will give me the answers I seek.
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
I am glad I have cleared the air with S’anhu. I was worried that we still were at a misunderstanding. But we are not, thank the Gods. I remember the day he stood up for me, believing in me when it didn’t feel like anyone else did. I don’t expect him to know or understand how fragile I was feeling. Daevien has been gone, limited communication, Rose disappeared. Ace has been through…too much. And then I snapped when it seemed S’anhu was trying to suggest I needed to hang back because I would be injured.We needed it when I heard a call for help over the pearl. Ace needed help. S’anhu and I rushed to help. Ace was locked up in the jail and when I got there, S’anhu appeared rather heated. I made an attempt to negotiate…but the guard cared little. We did get him out after payment. Ace…poor Ace. I have never told him he has a striking face, but he looked so ill when I first saw him he almost seemed unrecognizable. And so cold, he was so cold. It seemed like he had no connection with the aether flow….How could this be? Ace…? He explained what happened, how he ended up there. Malthe….Rose, Rose are you ok? What is going on?
We got him to his place in town. S’anhu and I agreed we would connect with Rose and get to the bottom of this. I returned to the ship….I have not seen Daevien since he tucked me in after the crew found me….where has he gone?
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
S’anhu and I met up to try to have Ace and Rose speak. With a little prodding we were able to get them to meet. Of course, it never fails when we manage to get those two into a room together, nothing is easy. A stranger started lurking, seemed like they were trying to listen in while the true details were being sorted out. Ace seemed…exhausted still. My spells have helped minimally I feel, I don’t know how much damage he sustained with Malthe cut off his connection to the aether flow…. I will need need to continue to look into this…the library at the Conjurer’s guild shed little light.After Rose and S’anhu shared pleasantries with this stranger, we moved to a more quiet location to speak. I could almost smile, S’anhu and I made a pretty good team, patching Ace and Rose back up, getting them to talk. Suddenly Dae appeared, it was a relief to see him…but….It was awkward too. The others split pretty quick. I didn’t know what to say. How do I tell him his absence…my confusion about why he has been gone? I remember when Rose asked me if Daevien had spoken to me. That moment, when S’anhu and Rose were looking at me curiously, I had no answer…he just had tucked me in and left. And like that, he was back. I brought him up to speed, let him know what was going on….thankfully our conversation moved to a more gentle topic. I told him I had another training trip with Padjals planned…but not before a trip to Fallgourd. I need to clear my head, not that sleeping at the ship hasn’t been comforting. I think a quiet evening by the waterfall would make a huge difference.
I was excited about selling the amulet, after passing along the information and discussing a possible party, I have come up with a great idea! Since Ambrosia has closed down, we haven’t spent time down by the sea. I want to seek out Ami’s advice, surely she would know how to put on a great party. I plan on sending her a quick note. I know she has been busy, I haven’t seen her much of her; I hope she will consider helping me put the party on.
Over the pearl, I heard confusion…Lina running, Carter chasing. And Shura back…? Rose and I were finally able to convince Carter to speak with us. He explained again he simply wanted to help Lina. He looked….truthful. I know I can’t even say that. After Eros…I don’t know that the other trust my judgement of character. But I swear, he seemed genuine…
I have much to do before my training. And…I feel like I have lost my solace…I just want that back, even if that -is- selfish.
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
The writing shows the writer paused often, to think, mull over what words would be put down…
I have been traveling, looking through tomes to see if there was any information that would help Ace. I see the sacrifice he has made…and while I may not have always agreed with his methods, I do know he did it with best intentions in his heart. And for this reason alone, regardless of his choices, I will help him. I promised him.
It started to rain yesterday, my mood turning sour with the weather. I had no information, no way to help. I don’t like feeling so helpless. As I was walking slowly through the streets of Ul’dah, smoking a cigar and…well, honestly sulking, I ran into Booker. I had not seen him for some time. I think the last time was back at the beach party, he was with a cute female and seemed to be enjoying himself. Regardless, it was nice to see him. We caught up, though I sensed something was amiss. I could hear the sadness within his words, though he said he would not trouble me with such stories. Our conversation shifted to what brought me to the city. I mentioned my search for information about a voidsent. Surprisingly, Booker stated he had dealt with something like this before. Kill Ace? That was not the answer I wanted to hear or am I willing to do… He did suggest that if brought to the brink of death, a voidsent would typically leave the host. I don’t know if that would work…I mean….I can’t let that happen to Ace. There has to be another way…
The rain stopped for a bit and I said farewell to Booker and went back to my rented room in Ul’dah. I have been thinking of a home for myself, a real home. I appreciate the space on the ship…but sometimes I need a place to just go away. Relan contacted me the other day to ask how I was….I told him I was good, fine…
But…I am not fine. Not at all. I have been throwing myself into other situations to keep from acknowledging my own pain. But I can’t run from that anymore, can I? I should have known he would hurt me…not on purpose but that it would happen. When you come from a family where you are a possession more than an individual with needs, maybe that made me susceptible? I feel like the crew cares for me…hell, some have even said so. I know they will be there for me. But…I suppose I let myself get caught up in the idea that he would always be there, unrealistic as that is.
I plan to talk to Rose…I am sure she can give me advice or even just a shoulder to cry on. Maybe this shows some growth on my part. I always try to be there for others…so where do I go with my thoughts? No where usually, sometimes Relan…but matters of the heart? There are a few lines scribbled out with such intensity that it is unreadable.It’s not like him and I ever made promises to each other, so why does it hurt? It seems perhaps the Gods have other plans for him and I will not hold him back. I will always be here for him…but I am not sure how strong I can be…
I am jealous…horribly so. I know relationships…can I even call ours that? - anyway - they go through their ups and downs. I see the looks given between lovers…or hopeful, wistful lovers. And Mota would call this nonsense. But I know her secret, she is just as afraid no one will love her as I am. The difference….I allow myself to love and when it knocks me down, I get back up…even if it takes some time.
Maybe it is not love though? It feels more like a dream, wishful thinking. I need a hug from Rose… I just keep repeating this to myself…
There is absolutely no point in sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself. The great power you have is to let go … focus on what you have, no that which has been mean or unkindly removed.
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
The writing is a little sloppy but seems to show an energy.Rose! Rose…thank Menphina for her, truly! I didn’t know what I expected…but she made me feel so much better. I had sorta hit my breaking point; there was so much going on with everyone. And I need to be there for them…but I couldn’t think clearly any more.
She came right out to meet me at Costa. Found me sulking at the bar, though she was nice enough to not comment on it. And then, with a simple question, I started spilling. I told her everything that had happened and then the distance…the silence. And Rose, man, a true best friend, was outraged. And even though I tried to calm her, part of me was happy that someone else was hurt for me as well. She seemed surprised, stating she knew Daevien had been gone a while but had assumed he had been in contact with me.
And then she hugged me and I started crying. Just because I am confused. Rose had a way of making me smile again though, and she helped me see that no matter how the pieces fall, I am going to get through it. And she will be right by my side.
Two glasses of wine later, we headed for the ship. I saw Ace slipping out, not sure if Rose noticed him or not. We ran into S’anhu, we spoke of how we may be able to help Ace. Ace and his ideas! We spoke of going to his guild and speaking with them there…well, I offered to go with S’anhu, but suddenly Rose and him were starting to tense up with how to handle this. I wasn’t used to seeing S’anhu like this…maybe it scared me a little. I know I can negotiate with others well enough, but I decided to leave it to S’anhu. Everyone seems to have a plan on how to handle this…I simply wanted to gather all the information and we all sit down…be logical and thoughtful and figure out a plan. Rose insists this is her fate…to destroy Shura. No! She is my best friend, she doesn’t even know what would happen to her after. I don’t want anything to happen to her either.
My exhaustion has started to set in, I will try to find S’anhu tomorrow, find out what he learned. If it’s not enough…I will return to the guild and see if I can find out more. Not that I don’t doubt S’anhu’s abilities, but…he seemed…fired up about it. I don’t know how well that work. A simple minded female Miqo’te asking questions…maybe I can find out more.
We will get through this, I swear.
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
I awoke today…my head wasn’t hurting like I thought it would on the two glasses of wine. Either everyone was asleep or had left, the ship was quiet. I packed some belongings. I need time away from the ship and Rose offered to let me stay with her in Ul’dah. I received a note as I was headed off the ship down the docks. From Davin of all people.
He told me he had gotten into a bit of a bind and could use the help of a charming female. Typical…I am not some lap dog he gets to call when he needs help. But I love Relan like he was my own father, so I went. It’s the second time I have sprung someone from jail this week. The same guard was there and rolled her eyes when she saw me. No song and dance this time. I simply paid his fines and he was released.
He swept me up and planted a kiss on my cheek. A few years ago I would have melted, but now…Regardless, he was caught lifting coin pouches off of patrons down at the bar. It’s odd, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had stayed wrapped up in the idea of him. I let him know I was doing this because poor Relan would be furious if he knew. I am sure Relan does know, but no need to include him in Davin’s foolish antics.
A glass of mead and a cigar later, Davin and I were caught up. He has been running with a crew, nothing big but it keeps his belly full and a place to sleep at night. He joked of enjoying a new wench every night. Pig…what did I see in him years ago? But his new line of work could be helpful. He mentioned his crew might need some help soon enough. I told him I would consider it.
My priorities lay with those I love and care about. I need to contact Carter, I need to know Lina is safe. And then we need to get rid of the awful voidsent and get Rose back to normal. I want to make sure Keldion is ok too. Rose said he was being odd…almost nice. I told her she should go to dinner with him last night. She seemed unsure about the timing. And S’anhu? I haven’t said anything, but I can sense he isn’t speaking all his thoughts. Sadness perhaps? I don’t know, he won’t talk to me about it. I guess he has who he needs to talk to…
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
S’anhu found me on the ship. I was busy preparing for what lay ahead. I was surprised, he asked me to come along with him to the guild. I should have declined, my grip on my emotions were slipping. But how could I tell him I was mess, that I would be helpful?So I said nothing and we went to the guild. And I lost my cool…S’anhu even pointed that out. He ended up doing most of the talking, even though the Lalafell had spoken to me once or twice. Just seeing that Lalafell’s face, my anger was boiling up inside me. I just…I was ready to be hasty and ruin the whole thing. We learned we could expel Shura from Ace if Shura thought Ace wouldn’t make it. Trap her in some special crystal. We almost left without getting information about that. Thankfully S’anhu wasn’t as hotheaded as I was being. I tried…weakly to explain why I was having these outbursts; that I had lost too many already and I couldn’t lose Ace as well. I doubt I made much sense and S’anhu must think I am completely incompetent now under pressure.
I had to make it up somehow, but S’anhu clearly thought he should go get the crystal…and what? I would sit by and continue to not be helpful? I promised Ace, I couldn’t do that. So I insisted I go get the crystal. I don’t want to be at odds with S’anhu, but I can tell he doesn’t think I can handle this.
It was a short trek out to where we had been told to get the crystal. It was weird, the glow of the crystals jutting up out of the ground. The wind was whipping loudly in my ears. I am not sure if I just freaked myself out…I felt like someone or something was watching. I had checked the area, even stopped to briefly, focusing on sensing other’s emotional charge in the aether flow. Bad idea, the very energy of the crystals overwhelmed me. My head is still pulsing with it, though the pain has subsided. Lan-I-Mata had told me until I had fully grasped the power and could use it with ease, pain would continue to be part of it. Regardless, I have the crystal.
I tucked it away safe, it will be ready when we go to Ace….well, not me. Stupid aether…I can’t even be there when this happens for fear of Shura jumping to me. I decided to head off to bed, running into Keldion. I remembered what Rose had said, he was being unusually nice. I suppose she was right. Keldion asked me how Daevien was….how was I supposed to answer that? I just told him Daevien had business in Gridania and would be back soon. Keldion…did not push, though I am sure he knew there was a bit more. He simply offered his assistance if I needed anything. You know what…it seemed like he truly meant it….
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
There is an exhaustion evident in the handwriting.And it is done. Not quite as we expected…and plenty need to rest and heal now, but we have done it. Shura is gone…and Malthe, who knew….In time, I hope Rose can heal from this as well. I have so many I need to check on, but this exhaustion…Ami, I need to make sure she is ok after Malthe attacked her. I am sure Woozy patched her up, I just want Ami to know we could not have done this without her. And Saefinn, Ryillin…they were another reason. And S’anhu…killed again. I saw his face as he left…Gods, I hope he is ok. I need to make sure he is ok.
Ace, Ace. You are safe now. I wanted to go and help heal him, but Lina’s protective embrace over him clearly stated stand back. So I tended to the others. And then Rose…she was in such pain. I was able to sense her rage, her bloodlust…called over the pearl for Ryillin to come help me talk her down. Ace and Lina arrived shortly after hearing me speak over the pearl. Rose went after Ace…and then Ace said it. He loves her…I was shocked, I mean, I guess I always knew that but I never thought he would say it. Rose started crying, I held her. She was there for me in my pain, I was going to be there for her in her hour of need. And then, her energy…I rather liked those boots. I didn’t get embarrassed about our lack of true clothing until Ryillin and I helped Rose over to Ace and Lina so Rose could speak. And then…yup, there I was in my underwear…how humiliating. Rose knows how shy I was about being in a bikini and suddenly, this just seemed a lot worse.
I started to feel awkward, well more so than I already was feeling. Ace and Rose were trying to have a conversation and I didn’t want to overhear any of it. Lina…she ran off, her heart, I can only imagine what she is going through. She loves Ace…and Ace loves Rose. And there I sat nervously with Ryillin, both of us…awkwardly in little but the last remnants of clothing. He jokingly said I had picked out nice ones at least. And my mind was just stunned. Were expressions of love always like this? In this dramatic…unhappy fashion? Ryillin looked surprised I had never heard someone express their love for another. Anyways…
I started to worry about S’ahnu…his expression is still haunting me. Ry teleported us back to the ship. Ace and Rose needed some rest…it had been a long, demanding day. Ry and I went up on deck and had a glass of wine. Sitting in the moonlight, there was something calming about it. It is true I have spent much time in the daylight. Perhaps this also has impacted me. The drain I have felt as of late. He sensed I was tired though and sent me off to bed.
My eyes now are closing…I hope to find more answers in my dreams…
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
I have started planning for the party. I wanted to get a jump start, I know Ami needs to rest and I didn’t want to overwhelm her with every detail. Last night seemed like as good a time as any to start. The ship was quiet, the pearl was quiet. Am I being selfish? For wanting…trying to make things better for everyone? There is this pain, so many broken hearts from what has occurred.But like I explained to Ryillin, the party was supposed to be for selling the amulet. I feel like we have so many more things to celebrate now, in addition. Ace and Rose are safe….are free. And Lina, her broken heart, may Menphina mend it for her. I felt foolish, but I prayed for her last night, her and S’anhu. I prayed to Menphina that she would heal Lina’s heart first, that Lina needed this. I feel helpless, knowing what she is going through. And then I begged Menphina to restore S’anhu’s heart as well; that if she could mend them I would carry the burden on their hearts.
I don’t know if Menphina heard my pleas….I can only wait and see.
Ryillin found me on deck going over my lists. It was nice to have someone to converse with, no pressure or anything to worry about. I spoke to him about entertainment. He is right…If we have dancers I need to make sure the dancers are something all would enjoy. I didn’t know Ryillin enjoyed cooking. He offered to take care of that part, he will get me a list soon and I promised fresh ingredients. Even if I have to travel around myself, I will make sure he has everything he will need. He has surprised me…or perhaps it’s my surprise in talking with another keeper. He reminded me that any male would be lucky to have me claim them as my own…. Claim? I so often ignore, overlook the fact that if I were still with my family, I would have a choice such as that. To choose a male? But…I can’t just choose like that. I must be far too emotional to make it a simple thing as finding a male; I would want them to love me back….I am trying to push any thoughts of anything like that far from my mind. I have seen what emotions, feelings have done to those I care about. I know how they have made me feel.
I am tired of feeling bad, perhaps just tired of feeling. I know it’s sad…
RE: Poe's journey (Poe Lhyzeal's Journal) - Poe - 03-25-2014
Poe's Journal Entry
The handwriting appears more fluid, perhaps some ease has come over the writer…They talked…not sure if for better or worse. The whole situation…My head is still spinning actually. I returned from seeing Lan-I-Mata. She seemed disappointed I had not gotten further with my training. But…I guess I got a small compliment. She said I had made a little progress. She packed me up some herbs and told me to go and find a quiet, safe place and enjoy tea. I tucked the items away and headed to Limsa, figured I could stay at Relan’s. I would have asked Rose to make sure I was ok, but she has had enough going on.
But…I didn’t get to Relan’s. Feeling a bit misty from memories I wandered out to the point. And ran into a few. Ry was on top of his game, already had a list of ingredients for me for the party. Ace and his sister were there and S’anhu. I spoke with his sister and will be getting flower arrangements for the party. I wonder if I am trying too hard to make this party fun?
And then…it got awkward, Lina showed up. Ace went to speak with her, he needed to and I understand that. I am not sure anything got figured out though. Rose called over the pearl and I headed off to meet her. I was worried how she was doing.
On my walk over, I had to pass S’anhu and Lina. And S’anhu…I wanted to go to Lina and give her a hug. I mean, I understand, I really do. But S’anhu…he stopped talking. He clearly didn’t want me to hear their discussion and then it was just awkward. I wish I knew what I did. He seems unhappy with me lately, won’t really talk to me. And I miss him…
And since…yeah, I headed to meet Rose. We hugged and she ended up spilling her confusions and worries. I tried to give her the best advice I could…to be honest. We walked back to the point. Saw S’anhu and Lina again…I don’t think Rose is aware of Lina’s feelings for Ace.
When we finally approached Ry and Ace speaking at the point, well, it was a….interesting conversation we came upon. Ry mentioned something about reading a lot…and then he said no females around here were interesting. Rose heard it too and commented. It got me thinking, what makes anyone interesting? I don’t understand what it is that causes us to sometimes pause longer with some more than others. Or to pause at all?
Ry and I gave Ace and Rose space, moving away to chat. We discussed plans for the party. I…I was nosy. It’s a horrible trait, but I was so curious. I asked him about reading…but he must have caught on, asking me if I had heard what he said. Of course, I tried to smooth it over…and then he said he was a loser!? I don’t understand. I mean, he doesn’t come off abrasive like some of the males. If anything…he just seems, maybe it’s insecure. He commented he didn’t let his emotions show because that way he was less likely to be hurt. I almost frowned…I dunno, maybe I even did visibly. And he surprised me by asking if having those feelings were worth it. Part of me wonders myself sometimes…but the heartache is worth the happy moments. And even when it hurts…it will fade and one is left with sweet memories.
And then his question…were Dae and I…were we happiness for each other? I like to think yes, for the time we spent together. And I made it clear to Ry, it doesn’t mean it’s forever, things change…I never did give him an answer about Dae. He is curious about emotions…I should warn him I am the worst to ask this stuff about. Ace said good night and Rose stopped over. Ry said he had studying to do, he seems dedicated, busy. Too busy for silly things like emotions.
I followed Rose back to her place so I could stay. I am lucky to have a good friend, she has been there for me through all of this. I appreciate it so much. After a good night’s rest, I went about starting to gather the items Ry needs for the party. I was surprised when I checked in the innkeeper, I had a note.
It was from S’anhu. He wants to talk? I mean, I want to talk. And he said in his note he wanted to say he was sorry. Sorry?! Sorry for what? I have obviously done something and ruined a friendship. Not sure why he has to apologize. I quickly sent a note back. Yes! Yes, I want to speak with him. To apologize. For so much really, but first for being an emotional wreck. I know he has a pure heart and really wants what is best for everyone. And so don’t I…so why does it feel like we can’t get along?