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+--- Thread: How to not let Bleed through happen? (/showthread.php?tid=8332)
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RE: Leaving RP and the game - Caedmon Scythean - 09-18-2014
Kage you are an amazing person and you should feel good about that. Â If you ever need any help in game drop me a tell or moogle mail. Â If you ever need help out of game you can get my contact infos from the NB website.
RE: Leaving RP and the game - Kage - 09-18-2014
Thanks everyone.
I think I've found as good a helpful solution as I can go and hopefully it does help or at least... helps me deal with my emotions.
Outside of getting a better and new PCP to get a good therapist.
RE: Leaving RP and the game - Aldotsk - 09-18-2014
As you can see, I've had some frustrations and burn out and addiction to this game during the 2.2-2.3 period. I had IRL issues and a lot of depressions - and had to go off on hiatus from FF14 for a month or two.Â
It's never too bad to take a break for yourself. the game can always wait and players will be there too. Should your friends are not there anymore, there are newer friends. Otherwise, you can always remind them that you are back and you want to play again.
RE: Leaving RP and the game - ArmachiA - 09-19-2014
Learning how to separate ooc and ic emotions is something that a lot of new roleplayers struggle with, don't feel too bad about it. Take some time off, get your head straight, see if you really liked RP and maybe get advise from some veterans on how to keep those two separate. It's never hurts to ask people.
RE: Leaving RP and the game - Kage - 09-19-2014
See I guess that's something that I have a hard time with.
A) I'm pretty sure I'm addicted. I take a small break and I get that itch to go back. My self-control is abysmal that I just come back. This is in regards to both the game, the RP, and RPC. >.> I spend quite a bit of time at work here. >.<;
B) I want to be able to deal with it without so many breaks. It's like some stupid cycle I go through where it seems fine and then eventually I have a dramatic thing where I have to go and be stupidly upset at myself. Life isn't fair but... I feel like irl I am comfortable with where my relationships are. I'm pretty happy. But throw in some RP and I start to drive myself and those who RP with me/people who RP with who I Rp with... and it's... gah. :c
RE: Leaving RP and the game - Cato - 09-19-2014
My advice would be to take a break rather than publicly claim that you're going to quit. I don't mean to be 'that guy' but since you're still posting on the site I'm going to go ahead and assume that you're still very heavily invested in both the game and community.
Furthermore, with all due respect, role-play isn't that big a deal. If it's causing you genuine stress and upset or you're simply relying too heavily upon it to make yourself feel better then it's important to take a step back and put yourself first. It's a hobby best indulged in with moderation rather than excess.
RE: How to not let Bleed through happen? - Kage - 09-19-2014
See, I've taken breaks and they always become MAYBE a one day break because I -am- heavily invested in both the game and the RP. It just doesn't -help- me at all.
And it's like if I'm in the game, I'll see the RP.
A) My irl friends and roomie etc are in it.
B) Well, it's Balmung it's freaking hard not to see it when I have a house that RP happens in and that I love Ul'dah.
Most of the time I spend away from the game is work, sleep, and when I go out with friends.
Edit: And with all due respect, if it was as easy as just not letting my IRL feels affect my IC feels so that it affects me OOCly, I'd choose not to be a lesbian and not deal with a bunch of emotional shit. I don't see it as "easy".
RE: Leaving RP and the game - ArmachiA - 09-19-2014
RP can get to people. It can get to a lot of people. You become VERY attached to your character, especially if they have a lot of you in them (Which new RPers tend to do as a jumping off point). I've been RPing for 15 years, I cry when something sad happens or get happy when something good happens - you get attached. That's okay.
However, there are some kinds of RP some people can never do because they step over the line of OOC attachment. It's always helpful to figure out exactly what kind of RP sets you off. For instance (Not saying you do any of these, of course, these are just examples
~ Overly Dramatic Plots. Could be too sad or too upsetting, generally.
~ Romance RP: the EASIEST to get too attached too. I actually recommend new RPers don't romance RP until they get the basics down.
~ Triggering Storylines (Murder, Rape, Torture, etc): This one is pretty obvious.
I RPed with someone my first six months in the game who RPed with us for everything except when the plot turned "dark" (She decided when that was) and would come back when it was resolved. She told us she just really couldn't handle the darker plotlines in RP and we respected that. She's quit the game now, but we never had an issue with her. I also know plenty of people in my guild who are a solid, firm no on Romance RP.
RP is supposed to be fun, if something is triggering negative emotions, you are allowed to say "I can't really be involved with that, sorry" and take a step back till the story is concluded. If people try to push you into it any way or try to convince you it will be fine - they are being completely jerky about it and you don't have to rp with them.
All of this is kind of me babbling. There are steps you can take, but you feel like your in too deep now so taking a bit of a break is probably for the best. If you feel like your addicted to the game, that's a whole other issue that can really only be resolved by not playing or - if you can do it - playing only 1 or 2 hours a day. Taking a step back and figuring out what was and wasn't fun then staying on the "This is fun" side is very important. And if nothing hits the "This is fun" side then stop doing it all together
Edit: From the above statement it sounds like you think RP is fun? Or you think your obligated to do it because you're a popular character/your friends do it?
RE: How to not let Bleed through happen? - Kage - 09-19-2014
No I definitely -love- RP! ;3
Thanks for the advice Armi, it's really appreciated.
It's more like when I tried to self-impose a ban on it that I utterly failed at one. Because the other was almost constantly right there and it's hard to not be tempted.
RE: How to not let Bleed through happen? - ArmachiA - 09-19-2014
"How not to let bleed through happen." Is a pretty valid conversation to have, really, and one I think needs to happen more often than it actually does in RP communities. Even when we teach people just jumping in, we tend to gloss over the IC/OOC relationship and the line we all tread.
I think it's a great thing you admitted to doing it and want to take steps to prevent it from messing with you or from happening again. I know you're well liked in the community and would hate to see the Ul'dah group lose you.
RE: How to not let Bleed through happen? - Erik Mynhier - 09-19-2014
Yo Kage, try seeking out people you can talk to outside your rp. I find it helped with the shit-tastic year I've had. Just one night, in game even, of just good old fashioned venting can help. And give you the rp break you need, while still being in the security of being in game.
RE: How to not let Bleed through happen? - FreelanceWizard - 09-19-2014
Let me second Erik's advice, especially if you tend to bleed through. Being able to just shoot the breeze on other topics, to vent, or to blow stuff up (3xFlare with crits in CM or Praetorium is very cathartic
) in a purely OOC way helps a lot. There's nothing wrong with saying, "Tonight, I'm going to take a break and just be OOC." You can write it as your character just doing some mundane adventuring with some random other adventurers.Also, having an OOC friend network helps in a couple of other ways. One, you can make light of things going on in RP. While that seems kind of counterproductive (the scene gets serious and you crack some jokes about it in an OOC channel?), that helps produce some valuable detachment. I make fun of L'yhta all the time. Two, you have some people you can talk to about non-RP things -- computers, the game, other FFs, SportsBall, or what have you -- and you get to know them in a non-RP way, so any IC drama with their characters doesn't seem so devastating (since you know you're all friends OOC).
RE: How to not let Bleed through happen? - Mae - 09-19-2014
Heya.
Soooo... I know you and I haven't actually spoken directly to each other, and I think we've only RP'd together once for about... five seconds (I was on an alt), so I don't really know if it's my place to chime in, but I get what you're going through and I have a couple suggestions.
Although a lot of RPers won't admit to it, we all become overly emotionally invested in roleplay at some point for some amount of time. Whether or not it's that one minute of rage when someone steps over a line and badly screws with plans, five seconds of actual panic when something bad happens, or something more long term, it happens to us all. The short-term reactions are perfectly normal. The long term reactions can also be normal (especially if you're naturally an emotional person AND you're doing something you greatly enjoy), but if the bleed-through is causing issues where it's affecting you to the point of interfering with your normal life, then it does need to be addressed.
You've already realized that this is something that needs to be addressed. This is good, you're already working in the right direction. Identifying what exactly triggers these reactions is the next step, followed by realizing that you need to step back from the situations.
This, though, is when it can get tricky. Do you have to step back just a bit, or walk away entirely? Something in the middle? You're going to have to do a lot of trial and error with this. Some days you'll burn yourself and not step back until too late, other days you'll step back and later realize you could've gone further. It's -okay- that this happens. There's no quick fix to this, it's a learning process. Don't get overly discouraged, you CAN do this.
You may even want to consider asking those you RP or hang out with often (you said your roommate and some RL friends also play, might want to ask them if they'd be okay with this too because they're able to observe you in the flesh) to gently prod you if they think you're getting too invested. Just a "Hey, why don't you get up and take a five minute break?" from someone could be enough to help.
That's all I would suggest for now for the emotional investment and bleed-through. Once you start getting better with identifying the general area where the line is (don't fixate on the exact line, just look for that general area for now), you can start looking for further things to help address this. Don't overload your plate, you'll only put yourself into a panic or a negative-feedback loop every time you have a hiccup or bump.
As for the addiction to the game... cold-turkey works for only a small portion of people when it comes to any type of addiction. Just work on cutting back for now. I don't know how you order your daily routine, but perhaps push back your log-in time by an hour, or your cut-off time by the same. If you don't already, log out entirely when it's time for whatever meal. Maybe during the work/school week you only play for two or three hours, and then your weekends/off-days you can play for as long as you want provided you've gotten all your daily errands and chores already done. Doing your best to establish and maintain a schedule for when you allow yourself to game puts control of the situation in your hands -- I would not suggest using any parental controls to artificially limit yourself, as those can create a feeling of resentment.
Another thing that can help for both the addiction and the emotional investment is to find some small hobby or craft you can do right at your computer -- something that takes your hands away from your keyboard for a few minutes at a time and your eyes away from the screen for ten seconds every once in a while. And before you say you can't do crafty things, there's plenty of easy-peasy little things to cut your teeth on. Any religious/spiritual meanings aside, I remember making these in kindergarten-- two popsicle sticks, a dab of glue, and some yarn and you're good to go. I make flowers like this myself; felt, needle, embroidery thread, and a pair of scissors, and as long as you're dexterous enough to not cut yourself with the scissors it's almost fool-proof. Or... take a string of lights, buy some bulk ping-pong balls, poke holes in them, and make some of these. Halloween's coming, look up easy tutorials for decorating your apartment (and do this for any holiday/season). Again, stuff that takes your hands away from the keyboard, and breaks your attention from the screen for a few seconds... and you can invest more time/concentration into if you need a more lasting distraction.
I hope some of this helps, or at least gives you an idea of what direction to start moving in. Whatever you decide to do, it's going to be a frustrating process. You'll hit bumps and have setbacks, but you can do this.