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+--- Thread: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) (/showthread.php?tid=11002)
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - QueenFrejyalen - 04-14-2015
I have been hurt in this game by other players, yes.
My best advice is be honest  - with them and yourself.  It's okay to admit that you're hurt by something.  In fact, I think coming clean and saying, "That really hurt me" takes the pressure off of you to remain "unmoved", which just builds up in bitterness over time, and then you're susceptible to react horribly over something small.  (Or at least, in my case)
And being honest with them in explaining calmly why it was harmful for you is important. Â Too many people think one fight and it's all over - I've hurt someone, now they hate me! - when in reality, humans hurt each other and that's relatively normal. Â But it shouldn't be tolerated, especially if it moves into the realm of bullying.
Honesty truly is the best policy, both for yourself and for others. Â Since becoming more honest with myself and others in my own life, I have felt a lot of grudges and bitterness fall off of my shoulders as I accept human nature and responsibility for my feelings. Â =]
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - Monster Lady - 04-19-2015
Hurt by people in this game? Yes, yes I have. And I agree with Faye, it does depend on the situation.. However, I learned that sometimes, when you are trying to fix yourself at that exact moment is to just let that pain out. If you feel like crying? Cry. If you feel like scream? Yell into a pillow. If you need to be alone for a bit, that is okay too.
Listening to music that is upbeat or.. Just plain stupid is a good way too. Or watching a funny show.
Take yourself away from the game for a little bit so you can focus on yourself. In time, reflect on what happened, think on if you can confront the person in a calm manner. Don't be afraid to be honest to them and admit you were hurt by their actions. From what I have seen of what others say in this forum, honesty is a big part of things and I agree. It is a key element. Surround yourself with friends that care and if the wound is still too fresh, try to remain upbeat. Talk to friends your trust, get it off your chest.
Become a Daruma! Even if you fall, pick yourself back up again! It's always best to look ahead.
I hope this was decently helpful. I came across this before and used some of the ways others suggested and it did help so, just to quickly say, thanks everyone. You all are amazing
d^-^b
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - J'hevra Lapineaux - 04-19-2015
Being hurt in a game like this, comes with the attachments you make with people. To some, internet gaming and renditions of virtual worlds are nothing but pixels, including the people on the other end. Though in reality, there is a fine line that we often draw between them; I find that society now, has erased that line, though some still cling to it absurdly.
The feelings that are hurt, show that you value them, and have put a vested interest in both them and or, the character they represent, pixels or no.
Moving passed something like being hurt, via verbally or through actions is the same as it always has been. If it's something forgivable, try, and I mean, try like adults to work it out, but all relations are two way streets, if one does not wish to meet the other half way, well... I shall leave it there.
As for the second option, amidst many others; find others, and seek new memories and enjoyment from others, and enjoy a game for what it is. In time they may realize their mistake, and if not, well, their loss, no need to hurt yourself anymore for those who, cannot / will not try to help themselves.
Hope it's helpful.
RE: Hurt Feelings (Advice Thread) - industrythirteen - 04-19-2015
If there is anything I've learned, it's that everything I feel, even the scary feelings, the ones people label as negative, are all telling me something about myself, or about a situation I'm in. I don't always know what it is immediately, but if its nagging me enough, I sit down, and I go over all of it to get to the root of it. I also have a person for that. I'll say "Hey, there's this thing. Can you help me root it out?"Â
While this is a gaming community, it's really no different than real life. This is an online game, with other people. They are not sitting in front of me, but they are there. And inevitably, my feelings are going to be hurt by a behavior, or an action, and I may inevitably upset someone else with my behavior, or my actions. But it's just that, usually a one off. Or it might be a repetitive behavior. No one is a bad guy, or a terrible person, typically. Sometimes it's just thoughtlessness. And if it's ever a deliberate behavior that is meant to harm others (not hurt, harm, ie cause damage on a physical, emotional or mental level) then I need to cut that person from my life.Â
If I am hurt, I like to figure out why. And I like to own that feeling. Owning my own feelings gives me a sense of empowerment. If I ever say or am thinking "this person MAKES me feel so angry," or "this person MADE me feel this way," I am giving them way too much power over me. I need to communicate with that person. I don't jump down their throat, I just assess whether it's worth bringing up. If I care about the relationship with the person, I calmly collect my thoughts (this can take a few days sometimes) and say "Hey, this is the behavior, and I didn't like it for this reason. Please don't do it anymore," and state my boundaries without attacking the person's character.
I want an open dialogue. It's not usually about the person, it's about the behavior. And if it continues despite efforts to communicate, then I cut the person from my life. It's okay for any of us to make a mistake. It's how I learn and grow. That mistake may really sting me or others, and I or someone else might lose out on something or someone whenever I or someone else makes a mistake, but its a mistake worth making if I've learn from it, or anyone at all has learned from it. A lot of shit isn't intentional, and people still have hurt feelings. But it's worth communicating with people to make sure that a misunderstanding never turns into a grievance.Â
If I don't think it's worth bringing up, and I just want to let it go, I go and write about it. I write it all down and never share it with anyone. Ever. I always feel better, too, after I've made the effort and spent the energy to do it.