Hydaelyn Role-Players
Someone hates us! - Printable Version

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RE: Someone hates us! - Naunet - 09-28-2013

(09-28-2013, 09:54 AM)Asyria Wrote: snip

I'll just say that this makes me extremely sad. I look forward to RPing with everyone, but... Well, this post right here makes me feel extremely unwelcome to RP with you. :/

Incidentally, I'm the kind of person and I have experienced the kind of people quite often who do listen to other people's conversations out in the world, even if just idly, and who do strike up interactions on a regular basis. But even ignoring that... It's rather depressing that you would voluntarily cut yourself off from so much potential roleplay - and so many potential roleplayers.

RE: Someone hates us! - Fates Skein - 09-28-2013

I kind of have an interesting take on this.

IRL I moved from one of the largest cities in the US to a very, very small midwestern town.  I was in a grocery line and the lady in front of me turned to me and, smiling, said, "Sure is a nice day!"

I panicked.  Why was this person talking to me??  What did she want? Was she going to follow me to the parking lot and mug me?  It was a culture shock moment.

Now, after living in small midwestern towns for 10 years and having moved back to a somewhat large city, I have brought that culture with me- I smile at people and ask how their day is going.  I say hello to my neighbors and people I meet walking the dog.  I initiate.

I find it important to keep that perspective in RP.  I roleplay publicly- my character speaks in say and /em and when someone indicates in emote or say that they are listening, I respond to that- because it's polite to acknowledge people around you.  It's rude to ignore everyone around you- a glance, a nod, a somewhat strained smile if you're having a semi-private conversation or talking about something personal.  These are all realistic, imo.

People have different roleplay styles and that's cool, variety makes the world go around.  But different perspectives are out there and I don't think it's...right to downplay them just because you don't see things that way.

RE: Someone hates us! - Magellan - 09-28-2013

I'll have to add on normal is in the eye of the beholder. Normal to me is people seeking people out. If we only talked to non-strangers.... um.... how would we ever become non-strangers? XD

I smile and greet people a lot out in the real world too <3

RE: Someone hates us! - K'dath - 09-28-2013

(09-28-2013, 11:47 AM)Fates Skein Wrote: I kind of have an interesting take on this.

IRL I moved from one of the largest cities in the US to a very, very small midwestern town.  I was in a grocery line and the lady in front of me turned to me and, smiling, said, "Sure is a nice day!"

I panicked.  Why was this person talking to me??  What did she want? Was she going to follow me to the parking lot and mug me?  It was a culture shock moment.

Now, after living in small midwestern towns for 10 years and having moved back to a somewhat large city, I have brought that culture with me- I smile at people and ask how their day is going.  I say hello to my neighbors and people I meet walking the dog.  I initiate.

I find it important to keep that perspective in RP.  I roleplay publicly- my character speaks in say and /em and when someone indicates in emote or say that they are listening, I respond to that- because it's polite to acknowledge people around you.  It's rude to ignore everyone around you- a glance, a nod, a somewhat strained smile if you're having a semi-private conversation or talking about something personal.  These are all realistic, imo.

People have different roleplay styles and that's cool, variety makes the world go around.  But different perspectives are out there and I don't think it's...right to downplay them just because you don't see things that way.

Haha, I've been contained in one such town for the whole of my existence and then moved to a big city, though only briefly it was... an experience. So I can relate to that. Well, relate in reverse... And I sort of moved into a ghetto... Bringing that back to your small midwestern town makes life very difficult.

Upbringing is probably the most important factor when it comes to interpersonal relationships though, not just location. A nice family in a bad town can still raise nice, normal kids. Or vice versa.

I grew up in the age of teaching your kids to run screaming away from strangers, and in a home of 'Children should be seen and not heard'. I am the kind of person who keeps to my own devices and won't initiate contact with others unless it's something important pertaining to them. However, I'm very receptive to others and am all too happy to drop whatever I am doing for the convenience of someone else.

All in all it goes back to programming. Some people are just the way they are. You don't know why and you can't presume to know why because you are not them. So saying a behavior is unrealistic is like saying having a mental disorder is unrealistic.

I also realize in retrospect I made being friendly sound like it was a character flaw. I absolutely didn't mean to imply that and I apologize, my wording in that former post was awful.

RE: Someone hates us! - DAISHI - 09-29-2013

(09-28-2013, 11:27 AM)K Wrote: Jumping in on random conversations can suit some personalities but as Asyria said, it is not usual/normal. Nor does choosing not to do so make you an 'introvert', which I'll just add, is an incorrect term since it has nothing to do with social anxiety.

However, I think certain topics can interest other RPers and maybe enforce them to break that norm and involve themselves or find reason to stumble in to the scene without implying they were eavesdropping or overheard anything. Aside from that, it is a clear indicator that RP is going on and it'd be much nicer to be able to see where RP is active rather than walking though an area filled with 'open' RP but no-one being able to join a scene because the others decided to invite interested RPers to a party, leading to late joiners assume nothing is going on.

Maybe introvert was the wrong word, but you don't get to define normal, either.

RE: Someone hates us! - LiadansWhisper - 09-29-2013

(09-28-2013, 11:27 AM)K Wrote: Jumping in on random conversations can suit some personalities but as Asyria said, it is not usual/normal. Nor does choosing not to do so make you an 'introvert', which I'll just add, is an incorrect term since it has nothing to do with social anxiety.

However, I think certain topics can interest other RPers and maybe enforce them to break that norm and involve themselves or find reason to stumble in to the scene without implying they were eavesdropping or overheard anything. Aside from that, it is a clear indicator that RP is going on and it'd be much nicer to be able to see where RP is active rather than walking though an area filled with 'open' RP but no-one being able to join a scene because the others decided to invite interested RPers to a party, leading to late joiners assume nothing is going on.

Oh man.  Your head would explode if you lived here.  Everybody is in everybody else's business all the damn time.

You walk down the street?  People expect you to look them in the eye and say a polite hello.

You're at the grocery store?  People will randomly start up conversations with you.  And the workers.  And anyone else who happens to be nearby.

Browsing the baking or spices aisle?  Someone will probably ask you questions about something, because everyone in those aisles talks to everyone else.

I have lost track of the number of times that people have joined in a conversation I was having with someone else, and the number of times I've randomly gotten involved in someone else's conversation - whether just to talk or because they needed help with something or whatever.

And no, I don't live in a small town.  And yes, this is completely normal here.  It happens everywhere I go here.

RE: Someone hates us! - FreelanceWizard - 09-29-2013

(09-29-2013, 05:25 AM)LiadansWhisper Wrote: Oh man.  Your head would explode if you lived here.  Everybody is in everybody else's business all the damn time.

And no, I don't live in a small town.  And yes, this is completely normal here.  It happens everywhere I go here.

Do you live in the Southeast US, perchance? Smile You've just described it to a "T." I guess I've gotten used to it from living here for so long, but random conversations are the way of it in this part of the country.

To the larger point, whether you jump into conversations and how you react to that is really a function of IC, IMO. Some characters I've played (L'yhta, as an example) are the sort to get into others' business and enjoy people getting into their conversations, while I've played others that find both highly rude, and some who are a mix; for instance, I had one who would never join others' conversations, but enjoyed people joining hers (she was a bit odd).

RE: Someone hates us! - K'nahli - 09-29-2013

(09-29-2013, 05:25 AM)LiadansWhisper Wrote: Oh man.  Your head would explode if you lived here.  Everybody is in everybody else's business all the damn time.

You walk down the street?  People expect you to look them in the eye and say a polite hello.

You're at the grocery store?  People will randomly start up conversations with you.  And the workers.  And anyone else who happens to be nearby.

Browsing the baking or spices aisle?  Someone will probably ask you questions about something, because everyone in those aisles talks to everyone else.

I have lost track of the number of times that people have joined in a conversation I was having with someone else, and the number of times I've randomly gotten involved in someone else's conversation - whether just to talk or because they needed help with something or whatever.

And no, I don't live in a small town.  And yes, this is completely normal here.  It happens everywhere I go here.

Hahaha, that's surreal. I know some places, generally quieter ones, have many people that are more friendly and social but I hardly expected it from large places or cities. I applied the same logic to Ul'dah and Limsa with that in mind. There is so much going on and there are so many people that it doesn't seem like much sense to me that anyone would deliberately walk up to people and essentially invite themselves to the conversation just like that.

However having said that, its not so much an idle moment like waiting in line when it comes to many RP scenes. While what you said may be mostly unseen by me and others, yet totally acceptable, I'd be almost certainly taken aback if I was talking to a friend or two while sitting down to a meal or whatever(so totally to ourselves lets say) and someone just decides to sit down next to us. Sure they could be nice and may make for a nice addition to the conversation but that still doesn't strike me as common enough to be called 'usual' or 'normal'.

RE: Someone hates us! - Rinh Hallani - 09-29-2013

I strongly disagree with those who say being outgoing, friendly, talkative to strangers or whatever is 'abnormal'. Maybe you wouldn't personally behave that way but it doesn't mean almost everyone else is the same. As an example, I tend to keep to myself but my three sisters will strike up conversations with strangers wherever they go.

If you don't want to RP openly with other people, well, fine. Just don't assume everyone else is like you and claim it's unrealistic or strange to be gregarious.

RE: Someone hates us! - K'nahli - 09-29-2013

(09-29-2013, 07:06 AM)Rinh Hallani Wrote: I strongly disagree with those who say being outgoing, friendly, talkative to strangers or whatever is 'abnormal'. Maybe you wouldn't personally behave that way but it doesn't mean almost everyone else is the same. As an example, I tend to keep to myself but my three sisters will strike up conversations with strangers wherever they go.

If you don't want to RP openly with other people, well, fine. Just don't assume everyone else is like you and claim it's unrealistic or strange to be gregarious.

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RE: Someone hates us! - Rinh Hallani - 09-29-2013

(09-29-2013, 07:31 AM)undefined Wrote:
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No, I was just reading through the whole thread and happened to come after your post! Actually I hadn't even seen yours until after I posted mine. ^^

RE: Someone hates us! - K'nahli - 09-29-2013

*relieved* =w= ;;;;  I thought I had annoyed you.

RE: Someone hates us! - LiadansWhisper - 09-29-2013

(09-29-2013, 05:46 AM)FreelanceWizard Wrote:
(09-29-2013, 05:25 AM)LiadansWhisper Wrote: Oh man.  Your head would explode if you lived here.  Everybody is in everybody else's business all the damn time.

And no, I don't live in a small town.  And yes, this is completely normal here.  It happens everywhere I go here.

Do you live in the Southeast US, perchance? Smile You've just described it to a "T." I guess I've gotten used to it from living here for so long, but random conversations are the way of it in this part of the country.

To the larger point, whether you jump into conversations and how you react to that is really a function of IC, IMO. Some characters I've played (L'yhta, as an example) are the sort to get into others' business and enjoy people getting into their conversations, while I've played others that find both highly rude, and some who are a mix; for instance, I had one who would never join others' conversations, but enjoyed people joining hers (she was a bit odd).

Not the Southeast, but I live in Louisiana.  ^_^  It's a little bit different down south of where I am (it's actually more everybody in your business down there, except for New Orleans, which is an outlier in terms of culture).  Seriously some of the most hospitable people I've ever met.  I still miss Baton Rouge.  ^_^

RE: Someone hates us! - Aeslyn Grey - 09-29-2013

I think this depends upon the circumstance. In a RL situation, such as standing in line, you very often get random strangers chatting. That is true of all the countries I have lived in and visited including the UK, Spain, The Netherlands, Belgium, the US and ... well no not so much in Germany, but that is a whole other conversation. 

Bar settings are easy, people often just get chatting to each other, but the same can't really be said of tables in restaurants. In most places there is a sort of territorial 'circle of space' that people expect will usually be respected around them when sat at a table in a restaurant. Therefore, we need to employ ways to get around that if we want our  RP encounter to feel realistic. 

There are several I can think of, such as if there are no empty tables, it would be normal to approach and ask if the seat is free and would they mind if you joined them (this can work in a cafe, bar and most eating places that are not formal restaurants), but what if there are empty tables? and what if it is a formal type restaurant setting?

Well what I might do is go sit alone at the empty table next to them and hope that something comes up in the conversation at the table beside me that gives me a reason to talk to them. I was a restaurant in Chicago once and heard a woman talking on the next table who had a Yorkshire accent, which is where I am from, I couldn't help go over and start chatting to her. She and her husband moved to our table to join us. It is a shame we can't  use accents as the excuse in game, maybe someone could think of another way along similar lines. 

The most realistic would be if the people seated gave the new person and 'in' by saying something. I have had people in England, particularly middle aged and older ask me to join them when I was sat alone in a manner such as "Are you on your own dear? Come sit with us we have plenty of room here!" Does this happen often? No, but we have to work with what we have and I really understand both sides of this discussion. There isn't one ideal answer for all situations.

RE: Someone hates us! - Cyroselle - 10-01-2013

I think it's a bit exacerbated by the fact that we don't actually have an officially designated RP server.

This isn't to say that people that have no interest in RP don't roll on RP servers. They most certainly do. But usually in those cases they do so with the understanding that they are playing on an RP server, and often have a better tolerance of people playing ICly. Not to say we don't get trolls and ill-tempered people though, those exist everywhere.

But there are environments that are more RP positive, it's just sad that with all the truly awesome RP tools we were given by SE, an RP-tagged server wasn't one of these.