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Beginner to RP looking for feedback - Storyweaver - 07-26-2017
I've always been into mmos and have made stories up in my head but I'm finally making the leap to actually trying to RP, so this is where I've started and I would love feedback. Also if anyone is on the leviathan server and could help guide me I would be ever appreciative. Thank you!!
Hyur RP Sheet
Name-
Ardan Portman
Basics-
Hyur arcanist aged 23 customs agent turned adventurer male 5'8 fit
History-
Ardan was born into a family of customs agents, his mother and father worked as agents at mealvaan's gate, as did his father's father and many generations before that. His family isn't prominent but they have been around since nearly the founding of the city, working to keep anything from crossing into the city that shouldn't be there. He is the oldest of 4 siblings, one brother and two sisters. A bright youth, he quickly showed potential for his family's use of arcanism as a toddler, stealing away with one of his fathers grimoires and accidentally zapping his mother with a small bolt of electricity whilst she wasn't paying attention. Once he was 13 his parents started teaching him to use his inherited gift and always stressed the need for responsibility and restraint, though Ardan couldn't always contain himself as he could get hotheaded and arrogant at times. At 14 his father was killed off of the coast in a battle with pirates, his mother was now the only provider for their family and he took it upon himself to take odd jobs around the city to help take care of his siblings, saving little by little to join the arcanist guild. At 20 ardan surprised his family by announcing he had saved enough to begin his official training, although his mother taught him a great deal about the art already, this would allow him to finally join the ranks of port protectors like many generations before him, as well as advance his knowledge of magics. And in a surprise to him, his mother passed down a grimoire his father had meant to give him on this day. It wasn't top of the line or flashy, but it was his birthright. While schooling for the agency he learned how much red tape was involved in bureaucracies and ever a free spirited individual was reprimanded frequently for breaking the rules even though he was in the top 10% of his class. The only thing that kept him from dropping out was the knowledge he gained daily that he so craved and the imagined look on his mothers face if he quit after all they had been through to get here. After finishing the customs academy he spent a year as an officer, but with that much of a free spirit being that close to all the people and things coming from distant lands he decided to register with the adventurers guild and see the world, promising his mother he would be safe, and promising himself he would send most of his earnings home to his family ardan set off to make a new exciting life for himself.
Flaws-
Hotheaded and arrogant at times, not physically powerful, preferring his quick wit and intellect over material strength.
Quick to judge but not afraid to admit when he is wrong about assumptions he has made. Perceptive but often chooses not to pay attention which may end up hurting the feelings of people around him.
Strengths-
Early aptitude for arcanism and intelligence, always friendly even though he makes snap judgements, admits when he's wrong even if it takes a minute, sees any defeat as an opportunity to learn. Excellent cook from years making food for his family, perceptive of people and situations.
Mentality-
Believes loyalty is a key trait in what makes a man, very family oriented. headstrong and confident, if overly so at times. Always seeking knowledge and new information. Always trying to better himself and his position in life, sometimes at the expense of others feelings or goals. It's not his intention to hurt others feelings but he doesn't always pay enough attention to know he has right away. Works hard to achieve his goals and attain knowledge, sometimes not considering his own health in the venture.
Habits-
Stays up late to read books, cannot sit still, either twirling a quill or stick while sitting or pacing about while reading. Furrows his brow when thinking. Smokes moko grass from time to time to slow things down and unwind whilst thinking of his next move, occasionally drinks a few pints of ale in the tavern.
RE: Beginner to RP looking for feedback - Momonija - 07-26-2017
Ah, tis a shame we're on different servers >_< Didn't even know moko grass could be smoked though, sounds like a pretty interesting side story idea for me so thank you for that inspiration
As for feedback, the backstory looks pretty good. I won't claim to be a lore expert, especially on Lominsa, but it looks like it all checks out. You've got habits and stuff like that down too, which is a good thing to have especially as a beginner o.o Maybe break the chunk of history up into about three paragraphs, makes it easier to read. And correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the acting guildmistress for the ACN guild call it "arcanima" instead of "arcanism"? Idk tho
Oh! And you might want to consider an alignment. He's looking a lot like Lawful Neutral atm, owing to his history as a customs officer and sense of loyalty, but it would be good to do some introspection regarding that owob
Good luck with finding people to RP with!
RE: Beginner to RP looking for feedback - Thunderbolt300 - 07-26-2017
Hey there and welcome aboard to the RPC!Â
Sadly not on your server, but best of luck. Character writeup looks pretty good too!
RE: Beginner to RP looking for feedback - Storyweaver - 07-26-2017
(07-26-2017, 02:19 PM)Momonija Wrote: Ah, tis a shame we're on different servers >_< Didn't even know moko grass could be smoked though, sounds like a pretty interesting side story idea for me so thank you for that inspiration :D
As for feedback, the backstory looks pretty good. I won't claim to be a lore expert, especially on Lominsa, but it looks like it all checks out. You've got habits and stuff like that down too, which is a good thing to have especially as a beginner o.o Maybe break the chunk of history up into about three paragraphs, makes it easier to read. And correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the acting guildmistress for the ACN guild call it "arcanima" instead of "arcanism"? Idk tho
Oh! And you might want to consider an alignment. He's looking a lot like Lawful Neutral atm, owing to his history as a customs officer and sense of loyalty, but it would be good to do some introspection regarding that owob
Good luck with finding people to RP with!
Thank you so much for the info!
I'm still tinkering with the moko grass idea, I've seen a few people talking about it on other threads but I haven't been able to find concrete canon on it yet, and you're so right on the "arcanima" wording thank you for notifying me on that!
I do need to break up the history as that was all just copy/pasted from my iPhone notes and how could I forget alignment! The reply was very much appreciated and thank you for the well wishes! I hope all of your endeavors turn in your favor!
RE: Beginner to RP looking for feedback - Storyweaver - 07-26-2017
(07-26-2017, 02:34 PM)Thunderbolt300 Wrote: Hey there and welcome aboard to the RPC!Â
Sadly not on your server, but best of luck. Character writeup looks pretty good too!
Thank you!
RE: Beginner to RP looking for feedback - Sounsyy - 07-26-2017
(07-26-2017, 02:46 PM)Storyweaver Wrote: I'm still tinkering with the moko grass idea, I've seen a few people talking about it on other threads but I haven't been able to find concrete canon on it yet, and you're so right on the "arcanima" wording thank you for notifying me on that!
First off, welcome to the RPC! Your character concept looks good and well thought out! I just wanted to drop in quickly in respond to the quote. Moko grass is actually not a canon cannabis substitute, though it has become widespread fanon to use it as such due to people seeing that moko is used to make hemp. Fogweed might make for a more accurate substitution?
In any case, I'll throw up a couple links that might help your character workshopping:
-Drugs in Eorzea
-Arcanima & Mealvaan's Gate Lore
Hope this helps! ^^
RE: Beginner to RP looking for feedback - Storyweaver - 07-26-2017
(07-26-2017, 03:28 PM)Sounsyy Wrote:(07-26-2017, 02:46 PM)Storyweaver Wrote: I'm still tinkering with the moko grass idea, I've seen a few people talking about it on other threads but I haven't been able to find concrete canon on it yet, and you're so right on the "arcanima" wording thank you for notifying me on that!
First off, welcome to the RPC! Your character concept looks good and well thought out! I just wanted to drop in quickly in respond to the quote. Moko grass is actually not a canon cannabis substitute, though it has become widespread fanon to use it as such due to people seeing that moko is used to make hemp. Fogweed might make for a more accurate substitution?
In any case, I'll throw up a couple links that might help your character workshopping:
-Drugs in Eorzea
-Arcanima & Mealvaan's Gate Lore
Hope this helps! ^^
Thank you for your input! This helped tremendously! I appreciate you taking the time to welcome and help me out. This community really rocks so far thanks all of you.