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[Discussion] Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Printable Version

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RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Arashin Kujqai - 10-04-2017

My red flags are pretty simple but I'm usually pretty patient/open minded depending on the individual(s). I at least give people the benefit of the doubt give or take about 1-2 things or I'll ask OOCly just to make sure I understand some things.

ICly-

-RP'ing as something against lore or as something not of FF14 universe lore

-Generalized not-really RP'ing RP. Ya know, like being as generic as can be with no substance to a character other than 1-2 sentences of their background/plot. More specifically, characters that have just 1 dimension as a basis for everything and didn't go further than that.

-SUPER Snowflakes. I don't mind if you want to have your character have something unique happen or maybe something even unheard of(especially if you actually have lore to back it up to at least some degree of reasonable understanding) but please... You're not a succubus/voidsent/demon queen/princess all combined into one character. At most, pick one and move on with the session.

-Inner monologues. I can't do anything with 5 pages of your character's deepest thoughts, they're just thoughts :/

-When a character makes having specific genitalia apart of their "plot".

-Over-cursing. I don't mind those salty lominsians but you don't have to include "fuck" every sentence. I would much more enjoy if they were clever with their wording and actually used words we could expect to find in game, like shite-eater and the like we've seen. I might just be picky on that one but it kills my immersion to read something I would find on "reality TV" when I'm in a fantasy mmo.

-Actual NPC's. Idc who you are, you're not SerAymeric/Magnai/Y'shtola/Minfillia/etc canon >_>. Cosplay is cool, but actively RP'ing as this is boring/uncreative to enjoy imo. Even worse then it's played off as their character as being nuts/crazy just as a loophole to do everything I just mentioned. The most I'm okay with this is if you wanted to act out your character's backstory that happened to include major NPC characters and wanted to enjoy some RP from your character's own lore. Usually for generic purposes though like the Admiral personally ranking you in the Maelstrom or something... Just so long as you're not rewriting current happenings and marking it as canon to expect everyone to uphold. 

OOCly-

-ERP that isn't really RP at all. Most ERP is just cybering/sexting than including any form of substance like a courtesan trying to seduce people out of their gil/information, or families having drama with spouses or etc. Usually people who have specific search comments I won't describe here that walk up to you and say something like "You come here often?" as their first sentence of dialogue or send you tells like this. Had an experience like this and after my character's first dialogue in return to hers, she gave up any further and moved along. Likely with other intent in mind given the level/search info/outfit.

-bigots

-Overlapping OOC/IC or people who don't quite know the difference between a "nice person" and a "bad guy character".

-Using RP as a scapegoat to get something else out of someone or to misuse for ill intentions.

-Cocky roleplayers. Everyone RP's how they want and we can all have an opinion on it. No one has to diss anyone or go on and on about how superior someone is in lore knowledge or writing to them. Help them learn something in lore or improve if they want/ask or think it could be useful? No worries there... Gloat about someone's writing and lack of savvy-ness  to lore? Leave, we wanna have fun.

-Lore/RP police.


A lot of these have some grey areas here and there in them for me. Like I said above though, when in doubt, I always try to OOC communicate just to confirm misunderstandings. Otherwise if they're 100% obvious to spot, I tend to stray from certain sessions or from certain players depending on the happenings of it all. I try not to condemn players for their specific tastes though even if they come up as red flags. In the end, these are all just my personal preferences that I'm comfortable with. Just because you don't fit some of my RP/IC preferences doesn't make you my enemy OOCly. Only if you're an ass OOC of course would that be the case :P.


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Parvacake - 10-04-2017

I'll keep mine vague, short, and brief based off over a decade and a half of MMO RP and RP experiences in general. Some of these have been listed already but never hurts to have a repeat for the people in the back:

- OOC Clinginess (if it's IC and stays there, don't worry about it)
- Unapproved Possessiveness (some RP partners like to be possessive of each other's characters and time and when it's agreed upon and goes both ways? Coolio)
- Roleplay Exclusivity (when one person doesn't like when you go and RP with someone else be it another character, player, group, or even on another game)
- Belittling Everyone Else You RP With (whether it's about their character, OOC habits, or otherwise this tends to be a large warning sign. Keep in mind, however, that if you complain to this RPer/RP partner about only the bad things about people then they'll only know the bad sides and not the good. Check that you aren't unintentionally making them biased)
- Creeping On Your Other RP (parking near where you're RPing with another person, not saying anything, and just lamping. This can be an especially big warning sign if they hunt you down in the open world and park nearby to watch you RP even if you didn't invite them. If you invite them or they ask to lamp? That's different)
- Passive Aggressiveness (this can sometimes be tricky because tone doesn't always infer well via text)
- Guilting You (making you feel guilty over not RPing with them enough or RPing more with others than them)
- Mixing IC And OOC (this one speaks for itself)
- Metagaming (also speaks for itself)
- Controlling Tendencies (like coaching you to post/write a different way to please them, making you change your character to appease them, trying to micromanage your time for you, etc.)

These are only a few. But they tend to be some of the bigger ones to watch out for.


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Arashin Kujqai - 10-04-2017

(10-04-2017, 05:15 PM)Parvacake Wrote: - Creeping On Your Other RP (parking near where you're RPing with another person, not saying anything, and just lamping. This can be an especially big warning sign if they hunt you down in the open world and park nearby to watch you RP even if you didn't invite them. If you invite them or they ask to lamp? That's different)

Could you elaborate a lil more on this one? I'm not sure I quite understand it fully. I often go IC and just park wherever and RP sometimes picks up around me. Sometimes I read it, but usually I'm scouting around to see potential walkups or if anyone's interested in doing the same with my character. Not trying to creep on anyone specifically :S, Ul'dah just has a lot of RP'ers lol. Or someone I happen to know ends up finding me and either talking OOC with me or just starting a session right there. Or would that imply they're the ones "lamping"? <.>


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Charce - 10-04-2017

(10-04-2017, 05:24 PM)Arashin Kujqai Wrote:
(10-04-2017, 05:15 PM)Parvacake Wrote: - Creeping On Your Other RP (parking near where you're RPing with another person, not saying anything, and just lamping. This can be an especially big warning sign if they hunt you down in the open world and park nearby to watch you RP even if you didn't invite them. If you invite them or they ask to lamp? That's different)

Could you elaborate a lil more on this one? I'm not sure I quite understand it fully. I often go IC and just park wherever and RP sometimes picks up around me. Sometimes I read it, but usually I'm scouting around to see potential walkups or if anyone's interested in doing the same with my character. Not trying to creep on anyone specifically :S, Ul'dah just has a lot of RP'ers lol.
I think they mean intentionally creeping on one of their partner's one-on-one or group RPs but not participating/involved in that scene at all.
I know someone who does this. It's really off-putting. People I know felt like they couldn't RP in certain locations anymore 'cause that person would always be there watching them.


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Seye Qhesu - 10-04-2017

Asking you if you have an F-list for your character.


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Faye - 10-04-2017

There are honestly a lot of things I've learned to look for, but mainly...
  • OOC clinginess, jealousy, possessiveness, controllingness, (passive) aggression to people around me, the need to know where I am and what I'm doing all the time, etc.
  • Metagaming, powerplaying, godmodding, objective lore-breaking, blurring IC and OOC, typical RP taboos.
  • Disrespecting my time with flakiness, constant retconning, guilt-tripping me for being unavailable, or demanding I drop what I'm doing and spend time with them.
  • Always steering the RP toward sex, ignoring boundaries, inappropriate comments or questions OOC, obsession with ERP, using RP to live out some fetish, trying to fetishize my character.
  • Purple prose, unnecessary text walls, anything else that makes the RP harder to read for no good reason.
  • OOC constantly trash-talking other people and RP styles, sexist and racist remarks, you know, people you typically don't want to hang around.



RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Evaleigh - 10-04-2017

I'm not going to touch on what I try to stay away from as far as RP content... I think folks have covered that pretty well.  Red flags as far as partners?  I've learned a few new ones over the past few years on Balmung.

It's pretty much summed up into a set of personal guidelines I tend to live by before I get anyone heavily involved in my characters and plots.

Never wants to RP in a group setting, ONLY does one-on-one RP.  These people usually are only after self-indulgent relationship rp.  It may be ERP related it may just be "waifu" related but it usually leads to people being OOCly clingly and wanting to dig their claws into me not just my avatar.  People who trip this flag also tend to either get possessive and needy or don't actually care about the RP beyond surface indulgences.

"Watch out for ____" folk who love to warn you about people.  While on the surface it might seem like they're just looking out for your best interests if you don't know the person well already (or even if you do) these folks are usually at the center of drama.  How else do they get all these stories?  My experience is they often blow things out of proportion to suit their own ego as being in the "know" of who's who or they're a hair's breath away from shit-talking you the very second you do one thing they don't approve of.  Double red flag if when you respond with "I prefer to come to my own conclusions" they get snarky or rude about it.

"I'm an asshole" Self-proclamation means no guilt.  People who claim they're jerks or assholes wanting you to disagree with them or be their friend in spite this will later hide behind their initial claim if they ever show asshole behavior later on.  I might still RP with an asshole but I'll take them at face value if they make this kind of claim.


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Kieron Lohengrin - 10-04-2017

(10-04-2017, 07:56 PM)Evaleigh Wrote: "Watch out for ____" folk who love to warn you about people.  While on the surface it might seem like they're just looking out for your best interests if you don't know the person well already (or even if you do) these folks are usually at the center of drama.  How else do they get all these stories?  My experience is they often blow things out of proportion to suit their own ego as being in the "know" of who's who or they're a hair's breath away from shit-talking you the very second you do one thing they don't approve of.  Double red flag if when you respond with "I prefer to come to my own conclusions" they get snarky or rude about it.

tumblrista culture is a hell of a drug

which is funny given how you can stage and outright fake screenshots yet people still somehow fall for it


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Mermaid - 10-04-2017

Well this has certainly been something to read while attempting to raid. R.I.P. static.

I didn't expect to come back to 4 pages of this. I was hopeful that it'd get to 2. I'm really glad this isn't such a sensitive topic that it can't be discussed. Thumbsup


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Parvacake - 10-04-2017

(10-04-2017, 07:56 PM)Evaleigh Wrote: "Watch out for ____" folk who love to warn you about people.  While on the surface it might seem like they're just looking out for your best interests if you don't know the person well already (or even if you do) these folks are usually at the center of drama.  How else do they get all these stories?  My experience is they often blow things out of proportion to suit their own ego as being in the "know" of who's who or they're a hair's breath away from shit-talking you the very second you do one thing they don't approve of.  Double red flag if when you respond with "I prefer to come to my own conclusions" they get snarky or rude about it.
This one I'm rather 'eh' about. Just like in real life, there can be people in the RP community who have amassed less than great reputations for a reason with sources of proof such as logs, screenshots, and multiple witness testimony to back it up. 

Also sometimes has nothing to do with being the center of drama. Some people have just been in a community/social group/etc. long enough to see what goes on, especially if they are more on the outside looking in and are unbiased in said observations.

But responding with snark or rudeness when someone wants to see things for themselves is, of course, no bueno.


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Lydia Lightfoot - 10-04-2017

(10-04-2017, 10:54 PM)Parvacake Wrote:
(10-04-2017, 07:56 PM)Evaleigh Wrote: "Watch out for ____" folk who love to warn you about people.  While on the surface it might seem like they're just looking out for your best interests if you don't know the person well already (or even if you do) these folks are usually at the center of drama.  How else do they get all these stories?  My experience is they often blow things out of proportion to suit their own ego as being in the "know" of who's who or they're a hair's breath away from shit-talking you the very second you do one thing they don't approve of.  Double red flag if when you respond with "I prefer to come to my own conclusions" they get snarky or rude about it.
This one I'm rather 'eh' about. Just like in real life, there can be people in the RP community who have amassed less than great reputations for a reason with sources of proof such as logs, screenshots, and multiple witness testimony to back it up. 

Also sometimes has nothing to do with being the center of drama. Some people have just been in a community/social group/etc. long enough to see what goes on, especially if they are more on the outside looking in and are unbiased in said observations.

But responding with snark or rudeness when someone wants to see things for themselves is, of course, no bueno.

It's also very natural for us, as creatures, to caution others about situations we've been in wherein we were hurt. That applies as much to "Hey, be careful when you're near an electric stove not to just set your hand on a burner, because even if it doesn't look hot it might be hot and you could get hurt" as it does to "My friend and I had a bad experience with this other person doing X behavior toward us, and we don't want to see you be hurt in the same way, so please be careful". 

That said, while there are undoubtedly some genuine bad eggs out there, I think more commonly it's not really that anyone was bad per se, just that they had differing perspectives on a situation and couldn't reconcile it (whether due to incapability or unwillingness). So while it's not uncouth to provide friends with that kind of caution, you can't be malicious/hateful about the person you're cautioning them about when you do it. Just sort of a gentle "Hey, here's what happened with me, it hurt my feelings, and it never ended up getting resolved" sort of thing, rather than a trash-talking thing.


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Faye - 10-05-2017

(10-04-2017, 07:56 PM)Evaleigh Wrote: Never wants to RP in a group setting, ONLY does one-on-one RP.  These people usually are only after self-indulgent relationship rp.  It may be ERP related it may just be "waifu" related but it usually leads to people being OOCly clingly and wanting to dig their claws into me not just my avatar.  People who trip this flag also tend to either get possessive and needy or don't actually care about the RP beyond surface indulgences.

This is a good one I didn't think to add! I'm immediately wary of people who only want to RP in /tells, /party, or private chats outside of the game, as most I've obliged have only been fishing for ERP (and on top of that, wanting to be secretive about it, I guess so they don't come off as too desperate or disloyal to their next target). Also not a fan of people who only want to RP one-on-one, especially the ones who run off mid-RP because they get "overwhelmed" if a single other person is around or shows up unexpectedly.

(10-04-2017, 07:56 PM)Evaleigh Wrote: "Watch out for ____" folk who love to warn you about people.  While on the surface it might seem like they're just looking out for your best interests if you don't know the person well already (or even if you do) these folks are usually at the center of drama.  How else do they get all these stories?  My experience is they often blow things out of proportion to suit their own ego as being in the "know" of who's who or they're a hair's breath away from shit-talking you the very second you do one thing they don't approve of.  Double red flag if when you respond with "I prefer to come to my own conclusions" they get snarky or rude about it.

I don't mind the warnings themselves, they could have good info or at the very least be well-meaning. I also don't think it inherently has anything to do with them being involved in drama, as warnings and "PSA's" get spread around the community pretty often and the majority of the people involved in passing them along probably have little or nothing to do with the initial situation. Someone could be far divorced from the incident and still have heard about it and want to keep an eye out for their friends.

But it is incredibly annoying when you just give an "Okay, thanks for the warning!" and get barraged with guilt-trips or lectures for not immediately saying "Okay I will immediately cut this person out of everything completely without even fact-checking this." Those people definitely have some sort of personal involvement, and a desire to control others, and that doesn't vibe with me.


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Yian Kutku - 10-05-2017

Two examples come to mind, off the top of my head. One directly involved me, the other not.

The first is when someone dismisses or belittles OOC concerns. The specific case (non-FFXIV) was that someone made it their character's mission to insult and antagonize my character without my permission, or indeed knowledge that they were going to do that in the first place. This happened over the course of a month, where their character would bad-mouth mine to everyone they knew (and they were well-liked and trusted by their in-group IC, so everyone I tried to interact with approached my character with suspicion and hostility), outright refuse to associate with my character IC (while still hanging around my character loudly proclaiming how they don't want to), and generally made RPing miserable for me.

I contacted them OOC that this was not where I want to be for my character, and I was feeling uncomfortable OOC with the sheer hostility my character was receiving. The answer I received was that I should "learn to separate IC and OOC", and "it's just RP, no need to take it so seriously".

I ended up leaving that RP community soon afterwards. It wasn't until much, much later, that someone else who happened to be in that RP community (who wasn't involved in all this) asked me about it and learned my side of the story, before relaying the background: that person had randomly chosen my character to pick on because they wanted to start a plotline about Friendship After Rivalry, and everyone else thought that this was pre-arranged between them and me OOC, because that's what that person had assumed. So my own bewilderment at this treatment had read to them as me being a prima donna incapable of separating IC and OOC.

To this day I don't know whether this misunderstanding was cleared up. I did tell that acquaintance my side of the story, but I don't know if they decided to pass it back to that RP community. To be honest, that bridge is well burned for me.

TL;DR When someone says they are not comfortable with the current plotline OOC, listen to them, rather than deciding that they're a bad RPer who should suck it up.

-

The second instance is when someone is in the middle of a group RP session, and then takes a metaphorical huge, steaming dump on the conversation.

The conversation in question was something light and inconsequential, mostly about people's backgrounds and how they felt about being in Eorzea. Just shooting the breeze, learning about each other, nothing too serious.

Then someone, who had been silent until then, mentioned "with a giant smirk" that she had been orphaned at a young age when her parents were murdered in front of her eyes, spent her early life begging in Ul'dah, was raped almost daily as a child, sold herself into prostitution when she could, and had scars all over the place.

I was about to join in the original conversation then, but stopped short when that dropped into my chatbox. My immediate thought was: "How the hells am I supposed to respond to that?"

The conversation, which had previously been fairly brisk, devolved into one-line responses about "that's terrible" and "well, sorry to hear that". I left quickly afterwards, because I didn't want to get involved.

The character might not be able to read the mood IC, but surely there's a better way to join in the RP than to kill the conversation completely.

TL;DR Include OOC considerations when planning to join IC conversations.


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Kieron Lohengrin - 10-05-2017

(10-05-2017, 02:48 AM)Yian Kutku Wrote: The specific case (non-FFXIV) was that someone made it their character's mission to insult and antagonize my character without my permission, or indeed knowledge that they were going to do that in the first place. This happened over the course of a month, where their character would bad-mouth mine to everyone they knew (and they were well-liked and trusted by their in-group IC, so everyone I tried to interact with approached my character with suspicion and hostility), outright refuse to associate with my character IC (while still hanging around my character loudly proclaiming how they don't want to), and generally made RPing miserable for me.

Someone tried to pull that shit on me way back in lord of the rings online. Nobody listened to her IC or OOC because I organized and MTed weekly teaching pug raids for casuals / RPers without a static and no one wanted to risk losing their slot. Good times


RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Arashin Kujqai - 10-05-2017

(10-04-2017, 05:26 PM)Charce Wrote:
(10-04-2017, 05:24 PM)Arashin Kujqai Wrote:
(10-04-2017, 05:15 PM)Parvacake Wrote: - Creeping On Your Other RP (parking near where you're RPing with another person, not saying anything, and just lamping. This can be an especially big warning sign if they hunt you down in the open world and park nearby to watch you RP even if you didn't invite them. If you invite them or they ask to lamp? That's different)

Could you elaborate a lil more on this one? I'm not sure I quite understand it fully. I often go IC and just park wherever and RP sometimes picks up around me. Sometimes I read it, but usually I'm scouting around to see potential walkups or if anyone's interested in doing the same with my character. Not trying to creep on anyone specifically :S, Ul'dah just has a lot of RP'ers lol.
I think they mean intentionally creeping on one of their partner's one-on-one or group RPs but not participating/involved in that scene at all.
I know someone who does this. It's really off-putting. People I know felt like they couldn't RP in certain locations anymore 'cause that person would always be there watching them.
Oh. I don't think I've experienced that yet. Sounds almost like it could be a grey area though. I know some players who just have a habit of typing slower than the RP that's going and can't help it. Then of course people who want to OOC watch and don't ask if it's okay OOCly or anything like that(which I'm usually fine with assuming they don't intrude rudely). Going IC and not contributing while being there... I feel like they're just doing the latter of OOC watching but they marked themselves as if they're IC. Seems specific... Idk.
(10-04-2017, 06:00 PM)Rowena Everstone Wrote: Asking you if you have an F-list for your character.
^^^^ so much this....
(10-05-2017, 12:50 AM)Faye Wrote:
(10-04-2017, 07:56 PM)Evaleigh Wrote: Never wants to RP in a group setting, ONLY does one-on-one RP. These people usually are only after self-indulgent relationship rp. It may be ERP related it may just be "waifu" related but it usually leads to people being OOCly clingly and wanting to dig their claws into me not just my avatar. People who trip this flag also tend to either get possessive and needy or don't actually care about the RP beyond surface indulgences.

This is a good one I didn't think to add! I'm immediately wary of people who only want to RP in /tells, /party, or private chats outside of the game, as most I've obliged have only been fishing for ERP (and on top of that, wanting to be secretive about it, I guess so they don't come off as too desperate or disloyal to their next target). Also not a fan of people who only want to RP one-on-one, especially the ones who run off mid-RP because they get "overwhelmed" if a single other person is around or shows up unexpectedly.
To be fair, I know some people who are new to RP that do this and get overwhelmed when there's a dozen RP sessions going on nearby. Trying to keep up with their own session and etc.

I'm a lil guilty of this myself once in a while when it's too crowded of an area and there's a few par-RP going on nearby. Sometimes I lose track of both my own text and my partner(s). x.x; Some people also just have anxiety that can strike randomly from things like this. But I understand the more specific "I only do RP in private" types that have a hidden agenda.