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Kai's Chaos [Journals, Stories, NSFW Themes/Images] - Printable Version

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Kai's Chaos [Journals, Stories, NSFW Themes/Images] - Kaia Warsong - 10-12-2017

I
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Everyday is exactly the same. Come up with new schemes, new acts, new lure. Pace my home and admire the overflow of materialistic pleasure on display. Plot a few potential jobs; tea by mid-afternoon. Woe is the life I lead. There’s no debate about it; it could -always- be worse. In fact, it -has- been worse, but you won’t find me complaining. Yes, I do claim that as I complain. By the twelve- we women are fickle and infuriating creatures, yet one by one you come and kneel at our feet...

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It’s kind of amazing what a pair of tits and an ass can get you these days. Foolishness, though I will take what I can get, and let no man claim that he is not at his weakest in the presence of a woman or the throws of passion. They really do make it too easy. How obvious is the drunk brute shouting at the bar of brawls and babes and booze. Meanwhile the angle two folks down just passed you by and you think, no- you’re certain she glanced your way. At least you would be if you weren’t now dead. The last thought passing through your mind: is this ale old or was it something I ate?

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All is fair in love and war, isn’t that what they say? Hmm. It would seem a ghost of my past has come to pay me a visit. May as well be from another life. While I cannot speak for him, I am certainly not that naive little girl he once knew. Love struck and fawning over him like some Quicksand Sally. Ric- you salty sea mutt. Abandon you? I think not. Oh what a tale he did tell too. It doesn’t really matter if it’s true or not. Nine years is a great stride. That’s how old he was when we first met. Not that I care to recall. I don’t. 

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Couldn’t very well turn him out, so I left him at my safe house. Unfortunately, I conveniently forgot to pay the landlord and suspect he’ll be wandering Ul’dah before the day is out. Maybe he could have avoided the circumstance had he taken me up on my offer...then again, maybe not. Enough scribbles for now. I’ve a show to rehearse and a new contact to find. One of these jobs is going to consume the other. I suppose the question is which I like more- fucking or fighting? 


RE: Kai's Chaos [Journals, Stories, NSFW Themes] - Kaia Warsong - 10-12-2017

II
Though I can’t recall who said it, my mother to my father if I had to guess, there is a saying that goes like this:  “Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” Looking back at my writings I guess you could say it’s not something I’m familiar with. I can be quite the crass woman when whiskey is involved. Lesson learned? Sure, I’ll cheers to that. 

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No one can ever seem to agree on how much liquor is too much, but I gave the concept a run for its money last night. I wish I could blame Ric, but I can’t. He was never really entirely at fault to begin with. We were kids in love. Who doesn’t know that story and how it goes. The uncharted territory, the flames of innocent passion, the inevitable downfall. In truth, he’s no more at fault than I. Not that I intend to let him think that. He still left, or believed -I- could have abandoned him. After everything we went through... 

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I saved him as a boy. He was alone, starving. This scraggly thing. We became the best of childhood friends. He was like the big brother I never had. When my parents were revealed the traitors they were, he and he alone stood by me, saved me. I owe my life to him for that. Yet I find it hard to go back. To even -think- about going back. All the walls I’ve put up. There’s too much water beneath the bridge. As if we could learn to trust one another again. 

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Doubtful. I’ve seen the cast of men in their varying forms. Women too for that matter. Snakes and Rodents, the lot of them. To say he is different and open myself up to that possibility is to expose weakness to the world. Here it is, out in the open, now crush me with it. I’d rather not. My heart may feel what it wishes, but I am far to clever to let it control me. It is wit, not emotion, that has gotten me where I am. Kept me alive all these years. He will not take that away from me.

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Words upon words fall empty in the flames. I want to see him again. To feel that nostalgia close. To remember what it was like, he and I against the world. Two young hearts full of effortless and endless hope. We were alive in every moment. 


I think I’ll let him find me here. Even if he only stays awhile. I know the look of a man in love... and it isn’t with me...


RE: Kai's Chaos [Journals, Stories, NSFW Themes/Images] - Kaia Warsong - 10-16-2017

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Beautiful Inktober Commission of my Darling Kaia by http://sammiegscribbles.tumblr.com/! 

 I love it endlessly. Thank you lady!


RE: Kai's Chaos [Journals, Stories, NSFW Themes/Images] - Kaia Warsong - 10-19-2017

III
Men can be quite moronic at times. Some of them even -most- of the time. Still, I always find myself shocked somehow, when one I expect to be intelligent goes and does something entirely stupid. Case in point, Ric. I get the fighting, really I do. If it wouldn’t blow my illusion of who, and what, I am, sure pit fighting could be fun. However, survival comes first. Always. Before rules. Before reasons. Before anything or anyone. So was it a safe and smart man who stumbled into my home late the other evening? No. Ric’s pig-headed ass went and got himself stabbed. Literally. Abdominal trauma to the most extreme. 
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You’d think that were the end of it but no. Somehow on top of bleeding out all over himself -and- trying to hide it from me, he also managed to get exceedingly jealous and to put it as bluntly as I can- ended up fucking me up against the wall. Well- wardrobe. To be fair, I might have completely dismissed his injury after I very poorly patched him up, but I wasn’t the one being reminded by a pain throbbing in my side every few seconds amid very vigorous physical activity. Couldn’t have hurt that bad, he didn’t stop till we were both beyond exhausted. What an idiot. 


Alright, an idiot, but -my- idiot. I think. Look, I’ve been around the block. I know how things work, especially here in Ul’dah. A bedding does not a couple make. Something just feels right with him. Like it’s always how it was supposed to be. Does it really need to be picked apart so finely? We’re enjoying ourselves. So it is whatever we make it. 


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This whole thing has been beyond surreal. Having him back. It’s like when we were kids, and it isn’t. We’ve both changed so much, but there’s a nostalgia there that cannot be ignored. I don’t give much damn if it’s right or wrong, I call it like it is. Being with him feels like home. Even if home is just a collective of memories from our past. 


I have yet to tell Ric of my ‘other work’. He’s had a difficult enough time handling me sleeping with others, which to be entirely honest, I haven’t wanted to do since he walked back into my life. Quit my job at Herald’s practically the next night. He does that to me ya know? Ric. Gets under my skin. Even as kids he was always overly protective. Though I am here -because- of that habit I find so obnoxious at times. So I really shouldn’t complain. 


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Anyway, he asked if he could bring his things. I said yes, so, I guess that means he’s moving in. Not like I don’t have the room. We’ve lived together before, and if we could do it back then when we were so young and naive, I imagine with wisdom it’ll be just as easy. If easy is the right word. I sent him off with a key, a lie as to where I would be for the next day, and a promise I’d return home soon. It doesn’t feel right lying to him about where I am going or what I am doing, but somehow I just don’t think, “Oh by the way Ric, I kill people”, would really go over well. At some point I’ll have to find a cover job. He’ll expect it.
I’m just rambling at this point. Droning on and on like these pages are some sort of friend lending me an encouraging ear. I never used to write so much. Words are best when used in brief and powerful ways. Guess you could call this dribble then. Writing on and on, all the while bigger, more important things are happening all over Hydaelyn, and where am I? Stuck in Ul’dah as I’ve always been. Now my primary source of earning a living is gone and I’ll have to cut back on my hunts, or at least only take the high risk ones to compensate in pay. Not really seeing a ton of savings come from that. 
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It was a stupid move to quit. Now if I don’t have Ric, I don’t have anyone. Maybe he’ll want to settle down. Make an honest woman of me. Get a job in the market while I raise the kids. As if I could be such a woman. I’d rather die that give up my dream to make something of this live. I remind myself I’ve only seen twenty-five or so birthdays. There’s still time. But first, I’ve got to get out of Ul’dah…


RE: Kai's Chaos [Journals, Stories, NSFW Themes/Images] - Kaia Warsong - 10-20-2017

I don't keep up with this site enough so all further Entries will be on tumblr! It's a public link so you can view it without a tumble (except the NSFW bits). 

Will potentially add more stuff here as I remember.