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Critique? - Printable Version

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Critique? - shinymogwai - 07-31-2013

Hi guys! I hope this is in the correct place... So I don't actually HAVE the game yet, and while I hope I'll be able to participate in the open beta, that's still a little ways off. Still, despite the fact that I have pretty much no experience with the source material aside from what I've read, I've created a character!

I'd appreciate any form of feedback from you guys. Also, on the off chance you want one of your characters to have some sort of connection to Sehn, that'd be cool too!


Alright, so. Sehn Garanjy. Keeper of the Moon,  daughter of Tahna Garanjy and Nari'ir Epocan.

FAMILY:

Tahna Garanjy: Sehn's mother. A practical, capable woman. She comes from a large family, and set out on her own at a young age to make her own way in the world. She makes her living as a hunter and adventurer. She has borne three daughters- Nah, Keyah, and Sehn- and one son, Tahna'a. Nari'ir has been her preferred male for over twenty years, and she has not mated with any others.

Nari'ir Epocan: One of many sons, Nari'ir is a gentle, soft-spoken man with a great love for stories. He travels separately from Tahna and her family, mating with many other Keeper females, but he does seem most attached to Tahna and her children. Now that he is getting older, he travels with Tahna much more, focusing less on mating and more on living happily with a woman he cares about very much, and helping to raise their children.

Nah and Keyah Garanjy: Twins, and oldest of Tahna's children, Nah and Keyah were crafty, clever, and mischievous souls, always playing pranks on their friends and elders. Seven years Sehn's seniors, they were very protective of their little sister, and took it upon themselves to teach her about the world. Unfortunately, both sisters died on a hunt, protecting a ten year-old Sehn from a large group of territorial monsters.

Tahna'a Garanjy: Sehn's six year-old brother. A bright, spirited child, Tahna'a can most often be found shadowing his mother or riding on his father's shoulders, demanding stories.



Backstory and personality:

Sehn is a confident, headstrong young woman who has been taught that the best way to get what she wants is to assert herself. She grew up traveling with her mother, sisters, and oftentimes her father, though his visits were not as frequent when she was young as they are now.

Ever since she was very small, Sehn has had an insatiable curiosity and a complete lack of patience. She would often spend hours riding on the backs of her parents or sisters, demanding stories, or a hunt, or something to DO with herself. While her mother found this rather tiring, her sisters thought it was hilarious. Sehn's gullibility and short temper made her a frequent target for their jokes, though it was always just in good fun.

When she was ten, Sehn followed her sisters on a hunting trip. They soon ran afoul of some monsters, partly due to Sehn's lack of experience with hunting. While the young girl was able to scramble up a tree, her sisters fell as they tried to defend her. By the time Tahna arrived, it was too late.

Watching her sisters die as they protected her changed Sehn. While she was still rambunctious, impatient, and full of questions, she seemed much more... focused. Before she had always complained during her lessons, but now she... Well, she still complained, but she actually seemed to be attempting to pay attention. Sehn had always had an interest in combat, but now she fully devoted herself to getting stronger. And while Sehn had never been fond of those who oppressed others, now she fervently defended anyone who needed help. She was the bane of any bullies the family came across, leaving many of the larger children in various villages and cities with black eyes and a suggestion that they ought to pick on someone their own size. The birth of her younger brother and the rescue of a young Hyur girl, Alice (PLAYED BY A FRIEND OF MINE ILU) only added to this.

Sehn still travels with her family often, but she has been going off on her own more and more. She often visits Alice in the city, or helps protect merchant caravans on the road. She's thinking she might start her own family soon, but she's more focused on bettering her combat skills and helping those who need it.


Likes: Fighting, cooking, eating, napping, children, stories.

Dislikes: Bullies, the cold, bright light, spiders, not having anything to do.


Description: About nineteen years old, Sehn is about average height and weight for a miqo'te her age, with tight, lean muscles. Her tail is fluffy and a bit short, though not so short it causes her problems. Her eyes are large and green. Her hair and fur are a dark grayish-purple, and she wears her hair in a traditional style. She tends to paint her face with stripes and dots of dark green warpaint. She has a faint scar from her left cheekbone to her jaw, a souvenir from a fight she was in at age sixteen.

Show Content


(Done for now, but I might add more as time goes on!)

RE: Critique? - Myxie Tryxle - 07-31-2013

Looks like you have a good start to a story going there. It's very sad that her sisters died. Cry

RE: Critique? - shinymogwai - 07-31-2013

(07-31-2013, 08:29 PM)Callipygian Wrote: Looks like you have a good start to a story going there.  It's very sad that her sisters died.  Cry

Thanks! I used your post on possible Miqo'te mating structures to figure out her family. Smile

And yes, though this character is faring better than her previous incarnations. At least she has a family in this verse! Big Grin

I'm... Not very nice to my characters.

RE: Critique? - Magellan - 07-31-2013

(07-31-2013, 08:34 PM)shinymogwai Wrote:
(07-31-2013, 08:29 PM)Callipygian Wrote: Looks like you have a good start to a story going there.  It's very sad that her sisters died.  Cry

Thanks! I used your post on possible Miqo'te mating structures to figure out her family. Smile

And yes, though this character is faring better than her previous incarnations. At least she has a family in this verse! Big Grin

I'm... Not very nice to my characters.

Being orphaned or having a single parent, or having lost loved ones is pretty common in literature, character creation, and backstories. It gives the reader and/or viewer a chance to immediately symphathise with the character.

Sounds like you have a well-rounded Keeper here, and a lot to work with in terms of keeping the RP going strong. Best of luck to you!

RE: Critique? - shinymogwai - 07-31-2013

(07-31-2013, 09:45 PM)Magellan Wrote:
(07-31-2013, 08:34 PM)shinymogwai Wrote:
(07-31-2013, 08:29 PM)Callipygian Wrote: Looks like you have a good start to a story going there.  It's very sad that her sisters died.  Cry

Thanks! I used your post on possible Miqo'te mating structures to figure out her family. Smile

And yes, though this character is faring better than her previous incarnations. At least she has a family in this verse! Big Grin

I'm... Not very nice to my characters.

Being orphaned or having a single parent, or having lost loved ones is pretty common in literature, character creation, and backstories. It gives the reader and/or viewer a chance to immediately symphathise with the character.

Sounds like you have a well-rounded Keeper here, and a lot to work with in terms of keeping the RP going strong. Best of luck to you!


Thanks! And yeah I know, there have just been multiple times when I have looked at a character of mine and gone "Wow! Their life has been terrible and it's all my fault! Yay!"