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The Eyeball Kid: An Investigative Report - Tonberry's Lantern - 10-09-2013
Read the full article on the blog.
Written by: Fousquenet Babeuf Â
As we draw closer to the harvest season festivals, we searched for stories that captured a part of the essence of the season.
What happens when you mix pumpkins and punches? You get some sort of vivid super hero to children. The people of Red Rooster Stead in La Noscea recount a mysterious unnamed Highlander woman that pummeled pragmatic pirates pestering poor children.
"One day our neighbor found her wondering the fields in a daze. We thought she was kidnapped by one of the beast tribes or something. Poor girl had her arm in a sling." A farmer reports. "About three weeks after we found her, some ruffians from down the coast came and began pestering the children that were out playing as bait. The woman never spoke a word, she leaped from the second story room she was in, made a mad dash for the ruffians, and took down all five Sea Wolves in a matter of seconds. She was no ordinary woman, she was one of them monks! After she beat them to submission, she noticed the children were shocked. So she picked up a piece of one of our Eorzean-famous pumpkins and placed it on her head, put her hands on her hips and shouted 'Never fear, the Eyeball Kid is here!' before feinting. She left the Stead the following day."
A mysterious silent Highlander woman. Pumpkins. Punching. These are the things of storybooks and fairy tales.
Another resident of Red Rooster Stead recalls that an older Highlander man donned in black and covered in scars and eyepatch came through a few weeks after the ordeal searching for that woman who appears to be his daughter.
Neither of their names are known at this time, but what is known is that no pumpkins were harmed in the making of this article.
And THAT'S the punchline.