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Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Printable Version

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Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 09-17-2014

((Please PM if interested in one of these letters. Some of them are given by hand, others through the system, so it is possible for some of the letters to be compromised:read, found, stolen, etc.))

Letter sent in the mail to Lady Coatleque Crofte, Sultansworn Office

Dear Cici,

I dare say it is frustrating how far Althyk seems from us. The Keeper has not given time for such luxuries as being in close quarters to one another. 

It is in these darker days that I miss the consolation provided by speaking to you, that I might find some solace upon this parchment is a glimmering hope Thaliak has put to my mind.

I have met another of the Jewel by the name of Franz. Do you recall when the little kids of the lane had lost their Cornelia for many suns? I had managed to find the man responsible for saving her! 

At first, I thought it was only my angle from the grate was making this man appear mighty and bold, yet in person I had the same impression! He is quite tall and sturdy, with the stature of a mighty aldgoat, and his face has this look of muted pain. This time he had his shirt on and had not reason to take it off and I was impressed; his entire demeanor was quite reserved and polite. I do not believe he is from Ala Mhigo despite his features; I simply cannot place him from sight alone. But I am proud that my description to the children was accurate, for he is their hero.

The children had me make some items for the man. Dare say we ended up eating four loaves of walnut bread before one was acceptable, and everyone was full, to present to their hero. Alas, were you there to see his face melt into the very vision of a warm loving father looking upon an infant in his hands. 

At least, I believe that is what I saw, for moments later there was nothing but sorrow in his face. I wonder if the man was filled with drink or if he is but an open soul, for quickly after he admitted about this wife and child he had abandoned and he denied the fact he is a hero for such youth. I know nothing of this man beyond what my eyes have seen, and like a river did these words flow from his mouth. It sounded like a cry, a quiet plea from a lone wolf in the desert.

He spoke of his wife and child and I am curious if they are since passed. It is not uncommon in our lives and we are not naive to it, but the way he spoke of it made it sound pathetic and uncooth. Does he not know loss? Is he blind to that which has transpired the past few Turns? What makes his family so paramount beyond his own bias?

As quickly as it happened, he must have realized his action and tried to play off the outburst. I care not for lies and these leaves of covering up such thoughts dishonor the Twelve. I must find him once more. Be you know him, bid him well for me. Let him know that such thoughts should not be left to fester within as corruption. Hopefully someone else has found this errant and has brought him peace.

And with peace I wish you well. Know what bravery you hold within and the pride I carry at the sound of your name, for I hear it often, and in all things be it misfortune or mistake it is with the best of intentions. Thaliak knows your true heart and find comfort in that until I see you once more.

Oh, also, have you seen the teacakes in the house? They are a delight for the tongue! Pray try one when you come visit.

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 09-18-2014

Box of oranges and Letter to the Hourglass Inn addressed to Coatleque Crofte.

Dear Cici,

I dare hope you are taking a break from such royal duties you have upon your charge and are spending more time under Lady Momodi's hospitality. I know you enjoy fruits and have procured some of the best from the last harvest. I dare say as the season turns it shall be time to enjoy the bounty of squash and apples and the colors are so vivid that surely the elements will be in good spirits.

Alas, I wish I could claim the same for Sir Iono. I have asked about him with some of the ranks in the Maelstrom, but they do not have any news upon the man. He has been in my mind much of late, like a turmoil of a summer storm with a small calm within the eye and I am coming to and from it.

I simply cannot draw my thoughts from him.

You recall the portrait? Though it is in storage, he was one of the first I went to for advice. I feel quite selfish about the incident now; though at first his reaction was attentive it was as if he was pulled away. He hastily left after acting quite peculiar, as if he was bothered by my request and had not the heart to say so. No, I cannot believe that; Oscare would not dismiss me so.

Has anyone else spoken of him or his condition? I went to check on his wellness after he was overwhelmed by rage. He was so apologetic and meek that my heart swelled with concern. Have you ever seen him without his makeup? Or his glasses? As if he tried to keep such knowledge away from Thaliak's own view there are scars, like cracks in a drying riverbed of silt, all across the area around his eyes.

Those eyes! Pray forgive me and my restless thoughts. They are violet. Rich and dark, much like his skin tone, but violet nonetheless. It was startling and all too familiar. While I am speaking of startling, he is quite tall. The other day I had to flip him over as he had broken his nose, and he is so much larger than I, the contrast of my hand upon his is quite easy to distinguish. Surely has his company not been close it would have been more work.

Speaking of his company, they must be very protective. For when I went to check upon him, their bartender had me leave after a short time. I feel as if an intruder when I walk by in the Goblet and I view from afar. They must know something that is beyond me; something Oscare has told them of my person.

I must have wounded this man; I am lost on how to ask for forgiveness for my ignorance, but each time I have seen him since he has vanished. The last time I was, in truth, quite happy. He had surprised me, covering my eyes as I watched one of the brawls outside of the Jewel, and though I was taken aback at first I was overjoyed as I heard the warm confidence of Oscare's voice. His hands are rough, and it is as if he realizes such, for he kept them away from my eyes just far enough while blocking my sight. We spoke briefly, and then, he fled apologizing over and over.

What am I to do? I have since written his family of my concerns. Per chance if I continue to apologize then he will think greater of me. Pray that is another selfish thought; surely he has his reasons. I more wish for his head to be held high and to show that confidence I grew so fond of. If I leave him be, shall he flourish?

Thaliak hides such answers from me. I do miss you, Cici, and speaking through the night. I shall keep you in my thoughts and hopefully find peace in them.

Be safe and well,

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 09-30-2014

Letter sent in the mail to the Hourglass for Coatleque Crofte.


Dear Cici,

I am so tired and sore. It is more than just physical; my mind aches as if it is paying a ferry toll to the service of the elements and my heart aches.

I have seen this same look in your eyes before, the unending fatigue. I feel it now as well. So much needs to be done.

We found him. We were deceived in a most cruel manner and he pays for it. I would say the worst ache of mine is for Sir L'aenoh. Ever since we caught on to Hnaba's tricks and her deceptions to lead us astray from where she had taken him, I have been on the move it feels like.

It is odd, this man L'aenoh. I can tell just from the look in his eyes his strength. He is aloof and strangely reminds me of Alveo time to time with his quiet nature and distance. There is a warmth were one to look hard enough. Though he is still and unnoticeable, he sees things. He pays great attention to detail and underneath the easy to observe, it is as if Thaliak has given him a new eye. A stronger eye.

It struck me quite roughly when I heard his voice cry out. Surely I would think that I move as fast for anyone else's entreaty, but the tug and frustration was immeasurable. This man has love and a new family, a tribe as they say, that he thoroughly deserves. Such a selfish creature that Hnaba was; how dare she scoff at what she tried to steal.

She even killed another, Cici, killed another man and dressed him up in L'aenoh's clothes, his eye-patch and all, and burned the body hoping we would give up. Foolish monster underestimated Thaliak in all of His blessings and put the eye-patch over the wrong eye. 

It hurts. It hurts so much to recall in my mind.

He refused to stay in Gridania! Thaliak only knows why, but I found myself running through the Twelveswood after him and Lady Staefurle only to grant his wish of returning home. I am nearly glad I did not hear how many bells we were out walking through the cold desert at night until we reached the ferry back to Limsa. After that is naught but multiple requests and it is all I can do to keep my wounds clean and hope they heal with my constant travel.

She poisoned him and I need a grave help with it. These cities, their rules their shadows try at my patience. This somnus is hard to find and the majority of my inquiries have been ignored and pushed away while others seem quite willing to lead me astray. One night I was given a hefty proposition for it that only speak of true ill will.

At first I only wished to get some to test and understand what withdrawal L'aenoh suffers from, but I realize the case is far more grievous than that; he has begged me for it. The look in his eye with those sunken cheeks is quite a weight to bear. I must get this for him, I must treat it to lessen its effects and curb the torment his body is receiving not that it is without.

I contemplated asking Master Vann about it, but I dare not. He is a very influential man and he has spoken to me about such ventures before; were I to take advantage of his generosity would be in poor taste. Do not want the man for his money, for his power, or his connections. 

Would it be wrong to take such a step for L'aenoh's sake, though? It is hard to meditate and focus my thoughts. There has been no time to rest; no time to regroup my efforts. Alas, Althyk the Keeper feels so far away right now.

You have connections within the Jewel. Surely one of the alchemists has taken on such a task of purging this foul poison from the city walls. I know naught else to implore for advice when I am so else distraught.


I will keep pushing forward. I will help. I feel so alone and so weak right now.


Pray be better off than I; that is one blessing that gives me strength is the thought of you recovering,


Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 10-04-2014

The letter is frayed and crumpled terribly, a sliver of the parchment missing from the end corner. The seal has long since broken, most of the wax stripping off.


Though addressed to Lady Coatleque Crofte at the Hourglass, the letter is part of a failed bandit raid and picked up, by chance, in the hands of a man who goes by the name of Xydane. Shown to Jancis once more, the letter is carried by the swordsman's hand to Ul'dah.


Dear Cici,

I think about you often. About your heartbreak.

I dare say I akin myself to Sir Castille time to time. Would I the courage to walk blindly through the snow in hopes to find someone that has, perchance, left me behind only for their own welfare. But we all saw what state he returned in. Thaliak only knows how that man survives anything. Would the Turns of what wisdom he should bear shine upon him to not be so reckless. Still, sometimes I venture the thoughts of lying in the snow, knowing my intentions to be true.

It has been moons and no word. There would be word. Master Vann has offered to help and I have taken him up on it. With his connections he might just bring light to the unknown.

This artist of Ul'dah is truly a remarkable man. I have not met nor read of any like him. He has a generous heart and still manages to stay grounded with people around him. It is almost like an extended family, of sorts, though his ideals and likes are quite peculiar. I always have this urge in my heart to help him with his dreams. He spoke of a wife and child he was forced to leave behind, I wonder if this life of excess is an attempt to fill the void. And not just his own void, but many others'; he gives freely of his time be it by his presence or his assets.
I have rarely seen him upset and upon such occasion, it has always been with another's well-being concern in mind.

So I took Master Vann up that he might help me find what happened to Alveo. I dishonor Thaliak by living in the dark. By staying with the unknown. Were he dead I know in my heart he did not mean to. That he did everything within his power to live. He told me that once; that his perspective changed. That all that mattered was living.

Or maybe he changed his mind. He also spoke of going North to live there, to fight, to fly through the snowy skies and soar with spear in hand. He had such doubts before. His mentor always encouraged him to pursue such dreams. Mayhaps going there it became a reality. My answer back would be a dismissal.

I feel doubt and it scorns me. Alveo told me not to doubt him, not even when he was away. I hate beds. I hate how lonely they feel and so large. In inn rooms at times I will simply pull the blankets to the floor and sleep that way.


If he needed me. Needed help. He would have called for me? Am I that utterly useless? My only other thought is that he is under duress, but I know who whom could do such a thing to him. He left so quickly with only a note upon the door and days later his stuff was cleaned out. The shadowing doubts of others weight heavily upon me and can no longer be dismissed.

Dare say I am lucky to known what I have. I had only read about such feelings before. Barely observed true people having them. To have them myself. To feel another want and desire me, to show care and giving, is truly remarkable. I am blessed with this knowledge; I am fortunate to be given an undeniable experience of how important it is I work hard to preserve it for everyone else around me.

At least I got that though it was far more than I could ever deserve.

For you, Cici, I will be there and support your dreams. For a family. For a new start. It will happen, the rivers of your life flows that way; I shall keep it on course.

Be safe and well,

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 10-21-2014

Letter delivered to the Sworn office for Lady Crofte

Dear Cici,

I was so happy to see you again at Bronze Lake. The past sevenday must be so hard upon you and, at the very least, I am so comforted to see you as much as I have afterwards.

I will not lie. I was in so much pain. Was physical and upon my heart. Is odd when one had a bit of tending, the other would be sore.

The night after the pilgrimage my body ached and it was all I could do to stand.

Sir Vashyr noticed it and did insist upon staying near. I would have written you sooner had he not bid me to sleep. He managed to secure a room in Drybone for the night, much as there are no fond memories in that place, perhaps there is one now.
His smile is strangely disarming yet assuring all at once. I feel so comfortable in his presence it is easy to find rest. There is something very assuring about him and he acts truly like a paladin you could be proud of. He is strong, but does not extert it at every moment. I only wish he did not hold me with such reverence for the favor I did Turns ago.

Still, I hurt. It was bad, Cici. Lady Reinette and Lady Meli worked extensively with me to help my body recover to the point it is now and I will be glad to visit you in the Jewel again. I feel remiss to leave you to deal with so much turmoil; it is different from the cults before. It feels far more personal and complicated this time.

I heard word you spoke to Sir Iron. He told me not of his plans beyond the simple mention of your name and that he cannot afford to fail you.

He always speaks of failure. It confuses me; is it a practice to berate oneself so severely? To always foreshadow in doubt and repression? The man eagerly shows examples of his accomplishments when giving advice to others, but when it is about himself it is as if they did not exist.

We found him in the desert wasting away. I could see the wear and tear upon his frame once he took off the sand-encrusted armor. Lady Reinette and Master Sigurd were crucial in talking the man into coming to the Still Shore and I am glad he has been here. I have learned much about him, least of all that he is nothing.

This past night Lady Edda and Master Franz did also come. I have been made starkly aware of how much Sir Iron has avoided his life. Lady Edda's scornful and empty words were much unbecoming the lady I have seen before and I can only imagine what Master Franz has been holding up with on his shoulders of late. I wonder if the children would like to know their hero could use some encouragement? Maybe some words from them will help in that regard.

I am glad you are bringing that part of Sir Iron's life back into awareness for him. Much as I enjoy his company while cooking and the like, I dare not enable him to leave all those he left behind. Surely other bad tidings will come and then where shall he run to?

I did overhear his words to you about a dream, where he ran and no matter which door he opened, it only led to nowhere. That he could turn back around and stop looking for ways to run... I do wonder what he would see.

I will come find you soon. I wish to confront this "Miss Ridah" you mentioned and find out what duress she was under to resort to using force. So many things went wrong that day. So many.

Be Safe,

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 11-13-2014

Letter delivered to the Sworn office for Lady Crofte via courier.

Dear Cici,

I do miss seeing the sun-soaked beauty of the Jewel and the desert. I did travel there briefly in the past sevenday to find Oscare, but that turned into a failed venture though I did meet up with Sir Aideron briefly.

The seascapes of La Noscea give me a great wanderlust urge these days. For each time I recover enough to travel and train once again, perils ensue and I must recover once more.

I truly dishonor Thaliak for not spreading knowledge well, for it goes unaccepted. My concern for Sir Iron grows. Would that he not ask for forgiveness so much, then do something destructive and continue the cycle anew. This sparring you walked away from was in the best of action, for not the next day did he do another one without having his wounds treated, then also left once more to fight. I dare think this lust for blood is a temporary reprieve from his true troubles. Yet letting his body go into such poor condition left us all burdened when the Leviathan threatened the coast.

I have decided to take up some extra work in Gridania that I might sponsor and gift him with a place of his own, that he might make his own true decisions and feel comfortable that he will not lose what he has worked to gain. I wish him not to feel indebted to me, nor that be the reason for our correlation. Were I able to give freely and still be an active force in his life outside of deals, accords, and vows. 
Such oaths are diluted in the river of life when spoken too often.

Going to Gridania makes me think of Lady Reinette, for what little she has shared about her adolescence speaks of the sights in the Shroud. She is truly a kind and patient woman. There is a curious connection to someone who has helped relieve pain and fixed what seems so terrible; such a gratitude that does not fade easily and is quite sincerely.

Have you ever seen her hand? She is brave at times and will not wear a glove, but I feel a pang of sadness when I see it. Surely something bad must have happened to give her such a handicap and from my brief glimpses, for she blurs the sight of her hand skillfully, I do suspect that the damage was done over time. Was no one her healer? I wonder how much of her hand could be regenerated.

I would offer such a service to her if not for her spoken unconscious disapproval for the power of regenerative elements. She is quite knowledgeable in the ways of wounds, but she has a great concern for aether poisoning and overuse. I do understand her concern; that I do agree with the majority of them. Yet her wish for prevention of over-scarring was quite burdensome the other night. 

Many suffered long into the night as we tended to wounds, Master Vann did wander off with his wounds in a drugged stupor. My work on Master Chuchukepa was unsatisfactory and Lady Meli was dismissed from helping after my ministrations to her broken arm and other injuries. I hold not illusions about what my body must undergo for such a life and the elements would not permit to abuse in such conjurations.

I must find a better compromise to appease the lady, I would not risk her attentions and work to feel unappreciated if cumbersome. The Still Shore needs a better place to treat the injured and wounded. Would I able to give her a place to keep tools and supplies at the ready it would help everyone overall.

I would most appreciate your words on it, I am sure the Sworn know much of medical places. I shall also visit the Goblet to observe and take notes from other doctors so I might provide a similar space.

Be safe, I will come to the Jewel as soon as I am able once more,

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 11-19-2014

Letter via a courier to Ul'dah


Dear Cici,

I write you now from Coerthas. Still as cold as ever here, despite the change in seasons. I have taken up a job to accompany a lumber group to harvest some trees in a remote region that did not wish to go without support. The payment is generous and will make a fine sponsorship for Sir Iron and was upfront.

I am glad you told me about Lady Leanne and her concerns.

I remember meeting her at the Grindstone as the lady archer who could fight well in close quarters. She was quite strong and quiet in her wounds when there were a lot of crucial ones to deal with; not only is she a smart fighter to protect herself well, but she can handle the hardship and pain that comes with it. She did wait for treatment after many others and held her wounds.

For a bard, she is surprisingly quiet about herself as far as her concerns are. It brings me happiness to see her and hear about her adventures, but part of me feels like she wishes for more and cannot bear if her feet take her to somewhere unfortunate. Much as I would not wish it upon her; at the same time I do pray that she not burden herself alone with misfortune and the regrets of life.

Sir Iron's tone is always full of warmth and care when he mentions her name and even the air of his presence calms upon reflection. She does have a sweet and caring nature about herself despite the outward look of aloofness that most bards carry for I can see why he holds her in such high esteem. 

The other night how she still cannot sleep. I have not noticed what she drinks of late, be it more coffee or other such foods, that she tries to stay awake anymore. Her words bring me discord that she believes alchemy will allow her a crutch from the pains in her heart. Has Menphina wounded her so?

I do love and cherish you with all my heart, Cici, and I know how pained you were before. If anyone I know that could relate to what Lady Leanne's heart is going through, it is you. She seeks escape, she seeks such understanding that for some reason she was not worthy of love. 
My heart does hear it; my memories do recall times that I felt worthless and unwanted. That selfish part in my soul which realized that the value I gave myself in their eyes was for naught.

I cannot accept such a mindset. Not anymore. Were two people to make such love happen. Much as I wish to solve all of her problems, time and being presence will let her heal by herself. May chance you can share your feelings with her, let her realize she is not alone in such thoughts.

Then you will find more solace that you are not alone in yours.

All my best,

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 01-16-2015

Letter left at the Still Shore for Coatleque Crofte.

Dear Cici,

Night comes soon and I miss you. I do miss our nights in Gridania, eating our simple dinners in our cots while you talk about the world. The written words I read from the Jewel trouble me for I have not seen such imagination. Nor did I realize the journals wrote fiction.

There are cultists plaguing the Twelveswood. Master Ja'ren has done much work to flush them out and thwart their plans. We did help him in flushing out some of their main bases. There were hostages taken, but alas my group found none.

I have seen and had the honor of speaking briefly to Sir Gegenji before, but I did get to accompany him and others into one of the branches of the cultist's holdout. And I am quite glad for it and to follow his leadership.

He is brave. Quite brave. Despite the quaver in his voice, it was only caution and he did drive forth making a scene so we could overwhelm the cultists we ran into. They were poorly trained so we were lucky to disarm and incapacitate them. Which is also important.

Sir Gegenji checked them all for bad wounds and gashes, making sure they would survive until the Wailers caught up to us. Despite the arguments with Lady Iskierka, he held his ground and insisted on giving all of these lost souls a chance. It is quite admirable; I have grown to respect the man greatly for his determination and his benevolence. His eyes and stance are full of purpose and sincereity. That I can feel it from his form is a comfort and would surely bring others to ease.

He certainly lives up to his name and to the ideals you have taught me. Would I gladly follow him once again.

Hopefully my short note will bring you some strength and inspiration despite all that has happened. For every bad thing, there are heroes. They are quiet and working and not making a spectacle; just like yourself.

Alas, our mission was not all completed. For the hostages and others we sought were already removed from the caverns to another place; some tree that we found notes and letters about.

I return to the Twelveswood, hopefully Althyk shall bless my feet that I might scout the trees quickly and bring back something.

Shall contact you when I can once more. Until then be safe.

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 02-09-2015

Letter to Ul'dah via Courier


Dear Cici,


I must needs return to the Jewel and see you. Is so much that flows through my mind that even in my meditation I long to share and ramble about.

Would it be remiss if I wrote to you about Oscare once more? 

In truth, I see him in passing and at most once a fortnight which is not as often and many claim to. Does anyone resemble me around the high walls of the Goblet? For I know of no man that looks like him; the sun-kissed mocha that only grows darker into such a shade of sepia that only highlight his brilliant amethyst eyes. No. No one looks like him that I know of.

For the few times I have seen him of late, he has acted different. I am heartened that he has the token of drive and confidence of time's past, but there is something more to it. It is warm and supportive what he says to me, indirectly, weaved into words of poetry and song. 
I overheard a scant few words as I spoke to Master Verad (also, have you seen some of his wares? He seems like such a kind and giving man that I would like to see his stall some time and maybe trade. Especially those little roasted nuts he did share with me previously for they were a nice treat. If you know of where it is will you show me next time I visit?) with my name between Oscare and Kale. I have seen Kale look at me that way before, when he would glance at Z'enath (though this time with less malice) and Thaliak would be the only other who knows what the two men spoke of in full.

Lady Ciel approached me the other day with a song from Oscare. It was unforgettable. Her high lilting voice, I dare think she is a soprano, brought tears to my eyes as if Menphina Herself embodied the woman to share such a song. I have even heard her sing before and, while moving, it is a power to behold when it is directly at you. Not that I would fall over, but I was very much aware that I had to focus on standing and that I was holding items in my arms to not lose grip upon. The lady was amused at how I became verklempt afterwards; she must be use to how moving her words are.

For all these things, including others that I shalt bore you with in reading, I feel he is dare say fond of me. Our time together is so sparse I would not call it courting. Least not yet. Forgive me, though I will travel to you to spend time with you, it shall not be for you alone. I must needs know what drives him. Mayhaps attempt to follow him and have Althyk combine our time.

On that note, I wonder how your time is spent and who it is spent with. I would know more about the midlander lord that kept your eye as you kept his arm at the Starlight Ball. You are important to me and I shall continue to show such in more than word, shall be in deed as well.

I shalt not be a stranger for long. Until then be safe.

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 02-26-2015

Letter is left in the Sworn offices addressed to Lady Crofte, no postage as Jancis dropped it off herself.


Dear Cici,


I am in the Jewel currently, though I am exhausted and I know not where you are. I continue to hope it is safe for you and the amount of secrets you keep are becoming more and more discouraging.

I am beyond exhausted. I slept until the late morning. Walking to and from Coerthas on pilgrimage is no small matter; Thaliak only knows how I also ended up healing at the Grindstone. Still, it is too encouraging to see all the brave souls there willing to train among their peers for sport.

I was quite surprised in both instances to see Master Franz. He was there to visit Menphina's stone and I had been so excited to see him there as well as relieved he was safe. I did get a letter from Lady Edda to watch over him. With how quiet the lady is and how little of her concerns she lets known, particularly about herself, it must be something that upsets her greatly.

He has confessed much of himself to me, but to see him there by The Lover on that hillside overlooking the snowy hills and lights below as well as above, I know he is embracing far more in each step he takes. And he is giving, he was healing others at the Grindstone. Writing some of the scripts and glyphs I recognize including ones that were far more elaborate to deal with wounds and refresh the fighters for more.

He must truly be the hero I saw that one day. He is a caring protective sort, though I worry to what end. Later that night I found him once more by the fountains and approached him. He eluded to being in duress and avoiding everyone around him less they also get pulled in. Despite my attempts to help him, all he did was basically send me away.

It is frustrating and painful. I fail to understand that people whom willingly answer a call for help, who ask to be relied upon, in turn wish to be alone when shadow and poison fall on them. Am I that much of a burden? Have my failures become so evident and tiresome that Master Franz would not care for my offers? 

Time ago he was wounded and poisoned, literally, and I had not realized his fear for me to heal him. Using the rest of his energy he silenced me, closing my voice off and making it impossible to call out to the elements. It feels like he is doing the same thing all over again. I cannot understand what he fears or why.

He should not be alone. Not at this time. It hurts. Despite the jab of uselessness I feel I must needs find someone he can rely upon and will not turn away. Someone who has not failed him before.

I tire of secrets and will confront you next we meet. I care about you too much to let you carry burdens alone. Until I find you, be safe, and do not hide from me.

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 04-20-2015

Letter sent via moogle to Coatleque Crofte.

Dear Cici,

I miss you. I miss sitting together and talking until the moon is at the top of the sky and we both drift off.

These things that are happening within the walls of the Jewel are overflowing, are they not? Why can you not speak to me? Where is Lady Deneith? What duress is she under? Are you not her friend and close companion as I perceive; there is naught of reason. She is a compassionate woman who does absorb all woes and pains to herself. Like a pillar in the sea that muscles and creatures cling to in the merciless beating of waves. For the few times I have been in her presence, I can feel the tension and purpose. 

She is our kin and must needs not be lost in the laws and loopholes of one city under the weight of such a useless metal as gil. Why do misinterpreted words on parchment, poisoned upon the very fibers of the page, hold so much weight over the moral pounding in my heart? Of yours?

The other eve was like a blissful wrinkle in time where we got to sit and eat as if the cares of the world were at peace; but as we sauntered off to slumber you were distraught. Who is this Taeros you pine on about? He is why I fail to find you; no love can come from such mistrust that even I who hold you and cherish and love you above others can see in my blind bias. Were he worthy I would know who he was.

Even at the pilgrimage through the others I saw you with no smile, that practiced one does not count, and demeanor pale as if you are isolated and alone. The dull throb of your heart is torn. Where does the line come that friends and allies fail to uphold their own intentions and grounds in the pursuit to be victorious? Are not these answers easy where the goodwill and welfare create a common goal? Pray do not become lost within a community that is shallow and complex; focus and remember true answers are simple and deep. You are strong enough and capable of upholding that. Your vows are both simple and deep; your heart.

Lady Edda herself did urge me to reach out to you twice-fold for the both your sake and Lady Deneith's. Her practiced smile is by far one of the saddest expressions I have ever laid eyes upon. The amount of sobbing and withheld pain the delicate mouth holds back like an intricate dam on a swelling river. And that is for you in part.

I feel great failure by her side. The few requests she has made of me have slipped through my fingers. Her latent abilities to control conjury and arcanist powers is untapped and untrained; that her father neglected that need with his possessiveness is infuriating. Thaliak only knows how she managed to return to us; I know she will not elaborate on it. 

She asked me to assist Franz. Cannot write all the things I have discovered about that man; simply that anything I try and supply is not good enough. He does seem to be moving about again so mayhaps he can rebuild his own life. All I have on it now is hope; written words and a scroll to go from. My heart fails to write more about him right now.

Would I not fail you as well, Cici. I have felt weak and empty since that voidsent. Endless struggle to fight her influence and reject the possession has taken its toll. I am failing, mistrusted, and more of a liability. I shall recover and overcome; shall not let lies and pain overwhelm me.

Pray not let it overcome you, either. Nymeia does favor our fate and our destiny; it is bright and strong and many others will be carried by it.

I will see you soon. Know I care and love you as much as ever I have; that the word sister in its purest form implies to you.

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 05-27-2015

Coatleque had a semi-permanent room at the Hourglass. Like many, they simply lived there. With a few possessions and easy access to food and bath, it made for an ideal living space for a Sultansworn. 

Jancis looked about the room and got to work stringing up flowers. Wildflowers, blossoms from Gridania's Botany Guild (many of them with the stems broken made for a good deal and only added to the amount) and as many beach-side style flowers she could find around the coastline of La Noscea. Every piece of furniture was climbed on to reach the heights of the ceiling and a net-like mesh was tied off to go across the room so flowers dangled over every ilm. Not all the petals survived, floating down to stay where they landed; random colors decorating the dresser, floor, and bed.

Finally done and only taking enough of a break to finish her waterskin. Jancis took her sealed letter to Cici's office. The knight was sure to be there or to go there before going off duty.

Afterwards Jancis returned, sitting quietly in the room with dinner ready. A small parcel was wrapped up beside it. Best way to celebrate a Nameday; least so the conjurer had been told.

Dear Cici,

It is always nice to bounce ideas off of you. To share my thoughts and sort out my mind. For the first time that I ever opened up to someone and was able to talk; to not simply stare at another person and utter words that felt foreign to hear. It was to you.

Kind of a celebration that so many people rely and depend upon you that keeps us busy. How much life is bustling around in a frenzy of activity to be caught up in. Right now, I simply wish to settle and be calm and think about you.

You are, beyond all, my dearest friend. I have spoken to many about their definition of family and what it means to them. The inherent built in need for support and loyalty; the unquestioning passion to be present and biased. Dare think that encompasses you in many forms.

I know you long for your own family once more; to rebuild what you grew up knowing. Sun after sun you quietly work for others to have a chance at that luxury and I believe you will as well. Dear friend and sister you are more than a knight and more than a soldier; that you still have values and dreams makes you relate to the people and know their true intentions and follow what laws were written to uphold.

When you drink, such emotion pours out. You are either happy or honest and it only makes you more endearing. I miss your accent and just talking away about fishing and sandy shores in the night, fond or wistful, and still feel the urge to make sure they still come to fruition. I have heard no other speak of the Sworn without your name; your impression and example has made a mark on the people of the Jewel and beyond without being beyond grasp. Need no exaggeration for how simple and deep your words come across.

The past Turn has taught us so much. Felt love and loss, accomplishment and defeat, how to drink and what matters most. In the end of all things those that still stay beyond all our flaws are true friends. Know that even though I am not always around I think about you and I know you will be strong and smart and make the best decisions you can. That I would drop everything to be by your side, but I trust you do not need that. We do not need to drop everything; more so that we want each other opposed to require it.

To Llymlaen I wrote out your name, your name, and gave it to the waves. To Rhaglr so He could destroy anything that would bring doubt and mar your memories. To Menphina because you are worthy of love and are loved. And finally to Nophica, because you are a giving, stern, supportive, and inspiring.

I will always be by your side. Pray go to your room as soon as you are able,

Jancis


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RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 10-15-2015

[[Letter sent via Moogle on Maelstrom stationary to Coatleque Crofte. It stops in Gridania, then Ul'dah, then is taken by merchant up north to Foundation.]]

Dear Cici,

Time apart, looking back right now, is much longer than I truly released. I miss seeing you about the Jewel when I pass through and catching up. Did you find your beloved? 

Surely you have seen as I in the Lantern periodical an announcement for his engagement to Lady Edda. Did not think Jameson to be such a common name so I do think it is the one in the same. I know you have duties in the North, but you must needs make way to Summerford and call upon this discrepancy.
While his health is priority and should be addressed first, I cannot help but be concerned about the amount of shadows and complication that surrounds all of what you have said in moons past. It will bring all effort and care into shallowness. 
The Eglantine Estate is not a safe place for him; the cold fear I have seen in Lady Edda's practiced smile on her talk of it and more so when she was forced to return there. Thaliak only knows how she managed to leave the last time; it is a fabric and plaster-covered prison. She is a dear friend to me, when you find them look past those smiles and see what duress might be there.

So many moons have passed. I recall fondly our time together in Gridania Turns past. Sitting with me and opening my eyes to simply talking and being around others. Did help me to speak and find my voice when nothing else was there. Remember when I would read to you at night? That getting so engrossed in the story you would wake back up again and bid me to stop and rest for bells passed since you firsted dozed off and we would spend time figuring out what last you recalled.

Or dancing. Making the images on parchment come to life with our feet, and going on crumpled paper on the floor. Did take so long as we both had to lead to learn how to follow. I was reminded of such warm memories the past suns.

Kurt asked me to help with clothing; after showing up in only a coat and slacks for Lady Cliodhna's bonding he became interested in something more formal. Did assist him into his new corset and skirt, which fits him well as it was tailored for waist and shoulders and the red hue compliments his complexion well, and share what Otto has taught me with his fashion mastery. Still, Kurt stood there awkwardly and we even travelled out to Limsa to look over the sea. 

It was a beautiful vista, yet he stood there only speaking of tripping on feet while learning to dance. After the work of lace and jewelry his flights of fancy (I learned that term the other sun) did not take wing. I misunderstood his words when he spoke of missing his old self; he only meant being a man once more. I had no counsel for him and bid him follow his heart. That all these creative thoughts are blocking and becoming obstacles to what is truly wished for. I left him then and had many of those thoughts myself.

While travelling there, he asked me were I a man and he a woman if I would have pursued him as he did I. At the time I only thought of the Spring where what was a charitable gratitude turned into courtship. I said I would have, yet his nature would have not changed the threads. Forgive me as I still lingered on the imagination of it. 

Were I a man, of different desires, dare think such a chance now would have not come to be. It is a silly thought, but were I a man of such as Kurt suggested, dare think I would have courted you. Surely Menphina would forgive me my faults and you would be patient to teach me how to be a good husband and father. I am not sure if I would be taller than you, mayhaps eye-to-eye.

It is a good laugh, yes? 

Perhaps our love and friendship is too great, surely were I a man I would still find men so fond as I do and am. Would still be like a sister to me and I a brother; at least learning to dance would have been far simpler when you taught me.

I recover in Limsa of late, but will travel back to the Shroud to finish some work. I have a special request for my labors that I will be traded a special pair of linkpearls. Sir Armsbreaker takes on such dangerous jobs and I wish to be only a word away from him. If it relieves his doubts and fears, then I will work hard to make it so. My love for him grows abundantly. So if you seek me, pray do not travel straight to the Isle. Stop in Gridania and inquire to the Leatherworker Guild before continuing on.

Be safe and well,

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 10-29-2015

[[Letter sent via Moogle to Camp Dragonhead]]

Dear Cici,

Asking around I heard you were still in the North. Seems sad to herald the coming winter with the already blizzard that has overcome the land for Turns. I did miss you the past sun in Gridania. There was so much beautiful music that Master Telluride invited and hosted many bards. He had an honorary spot for me! I was overwhelmed. I took to the last moments to refresh myself on the words even as he called me to sing.

There were costumes, too! You will be very happy to hear that one of the Sultana and her handmaiden won!

It is so nice to see Lady Leanne. I saw her sitting by with a large group, the magnetic personality she has with others. It makes me feel gladder, for there was a time when there was a shadow in those bright eyes.

Yet she was sitting there with Lady Lottie and Locke, bright and confident. I sat across the way by Sir Gegenji. Surely he must miss her company; I dare think he was part of why she could smile and laugh so. The party he held for her, his quiet support. Did not think he was as aware of what his longevity and care could help do. No wonder they consider one another family.

I got to speak to her afterwards. It was so familiar to me and it felt like a reunion. Something of a marvel this past Turn is to reunite, which I have not the experience and found it perhaps more wonderful than the others.

It took us so long to depart one another’s company, Sir Gegenji and I continued to bring up words to speak of. Even in hugging to depart it lasted longer and even after did we draw Barengar into the embrace of the hug. It was quite humorous for some reason. At least the others laughed about how the Ala Mhigan was drawn in and surrounded by our arms.

We are to go fishing. Lady Leanne said she would send word to us. I must needs prepare Sir Gegenji for it; I am excited for the time together.

I have heard word of Lady Odette. Forgive me, in truth I know nothing of her beyond the words other have told me. I did get to see her, however, up close as she sang and twirled about. 

Her movements were in time with the song and it was wistful, an eerie peaceful melody that spoke of loss. 

At the Flame Festival she sang about how I ate so much pie; a curious thing to herald over pastries. And now as I walk around I am gifted by the name Pie-Bane. Even Master Telluride referred to me as such to everyone in the crowd.

It is a strange honor that someone whom I have not seen before would bestow upon me such a gift. I am very happy I got to hear her sing; it is more a credit to her that Nymeia wove such music into her thread.

Lady Lucaell. I have only seen her in passing a couple times. Once at the watermelon contest in particular. It is quite common for people to approach Barengar for all how quiet and reserved his demeanor makes him. Her face to him though on these few glimpses have been concerned, nervous, or downright purposefully calm. Also, after Barengar told me about how that aetheric garnet was discovered, it is clear others find her interesting.

With the assistance of her kin Lord Pepe she did find the courage to deem Barengar "lady killer, literally". Alas, death is not something I have found uncommon among people and so my good intentions of clarifying Lady Lucaell's words came with such discomfort and deterrance skillfully masked with a neutral look. Were it not for the time I spent with Lady Edda and other bards I would have surely missed it. Thaliak knows I would have if she had not complimented the color pink upon my person.

After asking Barengar what she had meant, he only said she always had a blank look and was fairly daft. Even so, it is clear that such a confusion upsets her. Nymeia willing, I will be able to ask her of these events and possibly help close this breech between them both.

Though her skill as a singer and bard is quite clear; her music reminds me of poetry I have read before, yet looking through books there was nothing I could truly reference. She must be influenced by such books! Her kin was there in abundance to listen to her sing so she must make close ties. Either that or they have been enthralled by her sound. I know her song spoke to me; how strongly it reminded me of preparing for the cold winter. The image came clearly of how it would be to look from the small towns I would be cloaked and masked in to trade for supplies. To bury and dig up food to make it. To hunt what little there was to be found. For all its beauty it heralded survival.

Lady Ciel! Beyond am I honored always see her, moon to moon practically at least. Cannot say with how much delight I take in listening to her sing, surely only contested by her beloved. She did sing at much of the pilgrimage, nine of them in truth, and I was overjoyed to see her here as well.

Such a bright and happy song that still sits within my mind. As I go about my duties and patrols I find myself humming it.

Shall leave you with the verse that continues to come to me. Be safe and well. I miss you. You can meet Kuchen when you return.

"♪Candles and lanterns are dancing, dancing~ ♪"

Jancis

RE: Dear Cici - Letters to a Knight - Jancis - 11-30-2015

[[Letter sent by courier to Coerthas, stopping at each town in-between Foundation.]]

Dear Cici,

Life feels quiet of late. I looked upon the pearls on my ear and found many of them are no longer used. I am understanding more and more the term old is used for. Dare it seems used poorly to describe things that are abandoned and not maintained, instead of what I originally thought as something that has standed by Althyk's side where others could not, and survived long to be appreciated.

I feel myself seeing that as those who are old friends. While the term should be one of fondness, maybe underlying it are the failures of communication and contact I have not given it.

We are not old friends, right?

The subject of pearls, there is one that eludes me. Ever since that Ruby group you helped thwart, Barengar's daily musings have been gone from me, which I find to be over the moons a deafening silence.

My attempts to acquire a set that would dissuade his concerns have all failed. My words on the matter I know have not been taken in vain by him, yet still I see it does not trouble him as much as it does myself. I am grateful for that; though deep in my heart I would prefer he felt more as I did.

At this time he said he put it on a buying list. What a curious way to think about it. It is kind of cute; written wishes and tasks. and I am upon it.

I wrote Lady Edda a fortnight ago, not that I expected a reply, to trust you. I more tell you because of Lord Taeros and this engagement. Lady Leanne is displeased by it, and I find her reasons valid. Hopefully you have found time to meet Lady Edda more in person and see what I do in her. She reminds you of myself in ways, no? I have no doubt you both must be so close even if only short in one another's company.

But the concern comes from her father and whatever his intentions are in this union. I do not want you to feel as you once did; in men who fail to value and return what love you give. Cici, you must needs find what shackles they are both under. I know you can; you see them so well.

There was a Celebration of the First Snow by the Fury's stone. I was hoping to find you; Master Telluride caught word of an audition I was in. The song I wrote myself, surely to the chagrin of truly talented bards present. Thaliak only knows how they weave words so beautifully.

You will be around for Starlight? You must. I miss you. I eagerly await your reply. Be safe until I see you once more.

Jancis