tons of self indulgent whining under the cut. Tl;dr: I'm a weenie, okay?today I had what was quite possibly the worst experience in DF I've ever had.

IRL I'm going through some difficulties, so I mean, I'm already kind of feeling horrible, but I come on to play and relax and all. 

I play as a healer and I understand there's a lot of pressure to do your job well and everything. I get that.

I rolled duty finder for Cutter's Cry because I'm trying to level my SCH and I'm allllllmost to 40. I've already done this dungeon like, three times today. 

but this last time had to be the one where I wound up screwing up in every possible way. I mean, yes. I understand. you're just probably going through duty roulette and you REALLY don't want to be here. 

I'm still learning my class and I'm used to WHM. not having burst heals is weird. I'm manually controlling my fairy, so it's not like she's just flying around willy nilly and only healing once every five minutes.

the first time you died was your fault. 'oops, forgot oath. lol' and we all just kinda rolled with it and all was good.

first time we wiped was because you were abnormally squishy and I had a difficult time kiting the adds at the first boss and keeping you alive. I apologized and we got through it without too many issues the second time around.   

at another point, I got distracted and accidentally cast before a minor pull. there were no deaths and I apologized profusely. 

next time I died was with the sandworm because I was freaking out because shit, where's it going to pop up next? ...not remembering that I could've just run to the edges and avoided it all together.

and you decided to get all rude and snippy every time I died, like 'dude, are you asleep or something??' I apologized profusely yet again and we kept going. 

one of the DPS died two or three times midboss because they kept standing in front of the boss and in AoEs. I swiftcast + raised them each time and threw every single barrier I could think of on them, and we kept going. 

and you kept making snide, passive aggressive comments at me, at one point asking 'what, are you on Balmung or Gilgamesh?' like, I know I messed up, but are you going to tell everyone on my server or something? (and are you making rude insinuations? not cool...)

I don't even remember precise details at this point, but you died twice the entire run. my deaths hardly mattered because I just got back up, ran to the shortcut and was back on track within a matter of ten seconds. 

after your second death, you got all huffy and said 'if I die again, I'm leaving.' and I resolved not to let you die - and you didn't. you kept trying to supplement my heals throughout the entirety of the second boss, even though no one dipped below 85% and I was a bit offended, yeah. as if your >125 HP heals were going to help much. 

but once we hit the final boss, you said 'fyi, the only reason I haven't dropped is because I know how long DPS have to wait.' nobody had died for a long time and I was thinking of how to word my apology for the end of the dungeon. and that just. holy shit. I nearly left myself, but that was probably what you would've wanted, wasn't it? we went through the chimera with little issue - that one DPS kept sitting in AoEs and getting hit with status (leeches isn't until 40...), but we were alive and doing fine. well, except for the fact that you were passive aggressively healing everyone for ~100 HP the entire time and hardly did your job. and I died with about 8% left on the boss, because hell, it was just my luck that I'd screw up again, huh? 

and then you proceeded to say a ton of really nasty things to me. 'wow, that's pathetic. I was throwing out heals the entire fight too lol', among other things. like, shit. I know. I kept fucking up. I KNOW. you wouldn't have let me forget even if I wanted to. when I've wound up with crappy parties in DF, I would just politely give advice and not say anything rude or derogatory. what happened to "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? (I couldn't have apologized more unless I literally started groveling. I'm doing my best, come on. it's not like I'm messing up to spite you personally.)

at this point, I don't even know what I was going to say, but... I don't know, maybe I'm just being too sensitive? maybe I'm just making excuses and I deserved to be harassed the entire dungeon for sucking? all I know is that I'm still pretty upset about it and I don't know if I really want to do DF dungeons anymore. (hell, I don't even really want to play at all right now.) I'll just stick to FATEs, I guess.