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RElNHART · **12-31-2016, 04:45 PM**

(12-31-2016, 04:10 PM)ArmachiA Wrote: Roleplaying can take A LOT of time, for sure. Some sessions I just.. completely forget how long I've been there and suddenly it's 7 hours later. Has she just started rping and this is all new to both of you?

Don't be afraid to tell her you feel like she's spending too much time on the game either. But... do that carefully, she could get defensive quickly.

She's done plenty of other forum based RP's. So this was her first one in an MMO.

Anyways. Thanks everyone I'm gonna be busy for the rest of the day. I really wished I asked about this several months ago when the issue was fresh. I'll explain what's happened up until now sometime when I get back. I wanted to hear your thoughts on the situation on what I could have done differently, I'm sorry for the dishonesty on my part. I'll explain what's happened since then.Â

Â I'm also partially to blame as well. I did some savage raiding with a different group of people, i felt too guilty to quit the raid group so I kept trying even though I stopped liking it.
This in turn put a small rift between us since this ate a lot of my time and energy. coupled with job I hate.

Encourages me to get a new job instead.
Fast forward a bit: She meets new friend. They grow close, like sisters. Never thought anything of it. Little insecure about the amount of in game gifts that her new friend showers on them. In turn I also try gift showering IRL to win some attention.

Finally get my act together, start new job, quit raid group. Girlfriend goes on vacation with her family. Calls me mid vacation saying she wants a break. (she wants to have some time to herself so she can focus on getting her own life together, full time job, savings etc. bsically be well off enough so she can take care of herself and others in her family) Reluctantly agree because what else can I really do?Â

New job is ok. Kinda lonely now I don't have a raid group anymore.Â

Girlfriend starts her married RP relationship with her friend about a week after we go on break, spending A LOT of time together.

we both find out that her friend is a guy playing Â girl character. That point I'm incredibly insecure with everything. She insists that it's only in character and sees him as nothing more than just a friend out of game. I really wanted to be ok with the RP relationship but I feel like it was the absolute worst possible timing to do that.Â

So everything is pretty ok on VOIP. but having just been put on break and having to see their two characters being all lovey dovey really felt like the knife twist in my heart. I felt discarded and jealous, especially now since we really didn't spend any time outside of game now. In turn I lashed out.

She broke up with me. I frankly deserved it. The other guy left to play a different MMO.
I feel really guilty about how I acted but I just wasn't ready to deal with that.
At least I think I do. I don't know, I felt abandoned and I lashed out, To have that happen in such a short amount of time, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to take that.

she cares about me a lot, after I fell into a really bad depression, (like seriously I broke down in a grocery store after 3 days trying to keep it together.) She recommended I see a therapist and even gave me the contact info for her old therapist. even offered to pay for it.

so as it stands we're still on good terms. I'm actually going to lunch with her but I really want to get over this I just still feel really guilty about it.

Edit: I do believe it's our goal to get back together eventually, we're both still focusing on financial stability independently at the moment.

ArmachiA · **12-31-2016, 05:27 PM**

Whoo there was a lot more to the story.

I have seen this happen before. We like to pretend that rp romance doesn't ruin real relationships and, while it happens less often then people would think, it happens more often than rpers want to admit to. I have some pretty gnarly stories of people from my own FC.

You and your girlfriend were dealing with some pretty hefty issues, compound that with the fact this RPing in an MMO stuff was new to both of you and I can see where you thought something was there that probably wasn't.

It's possible, because you were so miserable yourself, while nothing was going on between the two, the attention and support she was getting from that friend and the fake relationship they had was really nice to her. It's easy to forget your problems when you have lovey dovey kissy face rp to help you. I've seen A LOT of rpers use it as a crutch for their own issues.

However, it's a shame you couldn't trust her, here. If she hadn't done anything previously to harm the relationship there was no reason not to. After 6 years, she should have had that.

I'm going to give you the same advice I did previously. If you two want to make it work - communicate communicate communicate. I know talking about feelings isn't easy, but it's necessary. Feeling neglected? Say so. Feeling Jealous? Say so. Need reassurance? Say so. In those moments where we feel weakest is when we need to put away pride and actually talk about how we feel. It's not irrational to do so. It's not weakness.

I really hope you two can work this out. I wish you luck.

Also,
HAMMER DOWN.

Tyndles · **12-31-2016, 06:54 PM**

After reading your last post, I gotta assume the worst for you. I don't think she's into you anymore man. I think she cares and wants to be friends, but I think you lost this one.

RElNHART · **12-31-2016, 07:47 PM**

That's what i want to think too, but she keeps saying stuff like everything's going to be ok between us eventually. But the way she acts says otherwise and it's driving me nuts.

Kailani · **12-31-2016, 08:03 PM**

Yeah you left out a huge part of the story... Dazed

I've always believed that words aren't actions. If someone feels a certain way, they will SHOW you. Not use the words you may want to hear. And I hate to say it but she may just be keeping you in play simply because she doesn't want to lose the security blanket. You clearly care a lot about her.

Worry about you right now and consider moving on. I personally don't think anything you do will change your situation. You can't control it. But you can control yourself. It'll suck, it'll be painful and you'll want to run back every time she says something nice. But respect yourself enough not to be 'that guy'.

Best of luck with it all. Thumbsup

Nebbs · **12-31-2016, 08:07 PM**

Yea, look at what people do, not what they say.

Get yourself sorted and then you can be there for someone else.

Faye · **12-31-2016, 08:33 PM**

(12-31-2016, 06:54 PM)Tyndles Wrote: After reading your last post, I gotta assume the worst for you. I don't think she's into you anymore man. I think she cares and wants to be friends, but I think you lost this one.

I'm gonna have to echo this, sorry. For some relationship advice that is not at all role-play related: give it up and move on. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's the simplest way to put it. A "break" is never a break. In my experience (not personally, as I've never had someone try that with me, but from what I've seen with others) a break is always an excuse for a breakup that's left indefinite so the other person "can't" get as upset, and is often a ploy to keep the person around in case the one who broke up with them changes their mind or gets lonely. The fact that you two are still talking regularly, she's entertaining the idea of the getting back with you and making plans to have lunch with you, makes me think the latter is indeed happening.

There's no reason someone cannot work on themselves while still having an SO--in fact, having an SO to support you even just emotionally can be so, so helpful in these things. Worst case scenario, someone might have to tell their spouse, "Hey, I can't talk or hang out much for a while, but we'll stay together if you're cool with that." There's no reason for a relationship to need any sort of "temporary breakup." And I think the fact that she did it while mid-vacation (when I'm assuming you hadn't seen her for days, and wouldn't be able to see her for days still) and not in person is pretty telling of how little she is invested in any sort of (potential/future) relationship with you.

ArmachiA · **12-31-2016, 11:29 PM**

Yeah I can get behind that. If her actions are the complete opposite of her words, you gotta go with her actions here bud.

RElNHART · **01-01-2017, 12:53 AM**

Thanks for the talk guys. I'm going to give Â it some time and see if things improve.

Mimifu · **01-01-2017, 01:12 AM**

(01-01-2017, 12:53 AM)RElNHART Wrote: Thanks for the talk guys. I'm going to give Â it some time and see if things improve.

That's good- and I certainlyÂ agree with what Faye said completely. Just wanted to pop in the thread for one thing though; I wanted to say, good on you for coming to see what you did wrong and get advice. It takes a lot of courage to do so, and even more to admit your mistakes on a public forum. With that said, keep up the courage and the determination to improve, and you'll be able to handle these kinds of situations and more!

Valence · **01-01-2017, 05:43 AM**

Maybe I missed that somewhere in your story, so my apologies if so, but does she have a job? In my humble opinion, that can change everything.

RElNHART · **01-01-2017, 08:23 AM**

She did for a bit when we were dating, then stopped for health reasons. Then picked up a new job when the break started.

RElNHART · **01-04-2017, 11:34 AM**

Just want to say I've bookmarked this post. Every time I start feeling loneliness creep in, I come back and read over your guys advice. It's keeping me focused on the things that do matter and I want to thank you guys for all the help.

ExAtomos · **01-04-2017, 11:50 AM**

Many of us have been in similar situations, man. Just know this too will pass (sorry for being trite, but it's true. ^^; ) Good luck in the future!

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