Well, it started off a good day. Seeing as how the moonfire is full swing, I decided to spend some of the gil I had gotten from the last hunt on some festive clothes. I don't know why really. I suppose I was just trying to be normal, like everyone else. I'm trying, I really am.
I knew this would be hard, but I didn't know just how hard. Things were going well, and I felt alright. But then, something I did not foresee. I had seen the horrors the so called camp doctors have left in their wakes. I have witnessed unspeakable things at their hands, and myself nearly taken to be sold by one of them.
Now I don't know what in the seven hells came over me, but when I seen the doctor up close, I began to panic. As hard as I tried to hold it inside, in the end, it proved more than I could bare. The unfounded notions intruding my good sense was bad enough, but to actually let it show and then speak it? The twelve must have had a sense of humor this night.
After embarrassing myself to the point of wishing to crawl under the floor, it turns out the doctor is kind. The words spoken to me were understanding and comforting at the same time. I broke one of my own rules. Rule seven, never judge lest you be judged. I did just that. And in kind, I felt just like the fool I was. My behavior inexcusable, and a mistake that will not soon be repeated.
However understanding my new found friends may be, I shamed myself. And now, I must do what I can to remedy this, in my own eye if no one elses. I am finding that the more I try to look past my own plight, the more it comes to light. The harder I try to forget that my past eludes me, the more reminders I find of that very fact. The more I wish to let go, the more I realize that to do so I must have answers.
A most inconvenient paradox.
I knew this would be hard, but I didn't know just how hard. Things were going well, and I felt alright. But then, something I did not foresee. I had seen the horrors the so called camp doctors have left in their wakes. I have witnessed unspeakable things at their hands, and myself nearly taken to be sold by one of them.
Now I don't know what in the seven hells came over me, but when I seen the doctor up close, I began to panic. As hard as I tried to hold it inside, in the end, it proved more than I could bare. The unfounded notions intruding my good sense was bad enough, but to actually let it show and then speak it? The twelve must have had a sense of humor this night.
After embarrassing myself to the point of wishing to crawl under the floor, it turns out the doctor is kind. The words spoken to me were understanding and comforting at the same time. I broke one of my own rules. Rule seven, never judge lest you be judged. I did just that. And in kind, I felt just like the fool I was. My behavior inexcusable, and a mistake that will not soon be repeated.
However understanding my new found friends may be, I shamed myself. And now, I must do what I can to remedy this, in my own eye if no one elses. I am finding that the more I try to look past my own plight, the more it comes to light. The harder I try to forget that my past eludes me, the more reminders I find of that very fact. The more I wish to let go, the more I realize that to do so I must have answers.
A most inconvenient paradox.
