Roen could see the struggle behind his eyes--a storm of emotions that raged within Nero's tense frame. The muscles of his neck had tightened, and he stared at her long and hard; his icy blue gaze seemed to want to bore straight through her. But no words came forth and finally he turned his glare elsewhere.
The paladin dipped her head in apology. She knew nothing of the man. Perhaps the darkness of his past, or whatever it was that haunted him, were fetters that constrained his hope and optimism. But she knew what that felt like. It was not so long ago, that she too was foundering, aimless; she was lost in a thick fog of her own, without hope and without joy. Somehow she had found threads of purpose, a promise of something better. She had found a way to burn away the miasma of dread and forlornness.
“I...I thought I had lost my way. Not too long ago.†Her words were barely above a whisper, even if there were no other patrons about to hear her confession. These were memories she did not want to revisit.
“I had lost faith in myself. I thought myself too weak. And I thought the world was a much darker place.†Her eyes were affixed to the half eaten fish in front of her. She did not want to meet anyone’s eyes when she recalled those times. “I did not want to return to Ul’dah. I did not want think about anyone else’s pain but my own.â€
“It is easy to forget sometimes... that there is good in the world.†The paladin rolled her shoulders in a small shrug. “When all you see is suffering. When all you feel is anger and despair.†She absently took up the fork in her hand and began to pick at her fish. She paused and peered back up at him. “But then I met good people, those who reminded me that the world is not all dark--not just about whether you survive or not.â€
Nero was watching her with a measured gaze, saying nothing.
Roen regarded the smuggler intently, as if to hold his gaze. “It is about how you live, and make of it what you can. For yourself. And for others.†She set her fork down. “So I decided to do just that. Focusing on helping others…it lent me my own lucidity. It gave me purpose again.â€
Nero’s expression remained unmoved by her story, his meticulously constructed composure remained intact. But his voice wavered, just a bit when he spoke. “And what if I prove you wrong?†He inhaled. “You claim me to be a saint disguised as a devil. You…have poured all your faith into my beliefs.†His eyes narrowed on her as if to challenge her. “You believe my altruism will correct my wrongdoings.â€
"It's…not correcting wrongdoings so much as..." She hesitated.
“What if I prove you wrong?†he repeated.
The paladin met his stare with an intensity of her own. “You said yourself that first day we met. You have not lost your compassion. That is what sets you apart from those you seek to bring low.†She leaned in, her hands curling around the edge of her seat. “What if you prove me right?â€
It was a struggle of wills that neither was willing to relinquish to the other. And yet neither of them could be proven wrong or right either. At least, not yet.
“It is up to you, Nero, what you choose in the end.†Her belief in him did not waver despite the fact that she knew so little of him. Perhaps it was stubbornness that drove her to try and make him see what she saw in him. Even if what she saw were mere glimpses and thinnest strands of hope drowned in a sea of ambition and ruthlessness...the fact that he wanted to bury them so readily made her want to bring them to the fore even more so.
Even if he was starting to despise her for it.
“Just know this. Your choice is not so predestined as you believe it to be.†Her expression softened again as if in peace offering. “I have faith.â€
The paladin dipped her head in apology. She knew nothing of the man. Perhaps the darkness of his past, or whatever it was that haunted him, were fetters that constrained his hope and optimism. But she knew what that felt like. It was not so long ago, that she too was foundering, aimless; she was lost in a thick fog of her own, without hope and without joy. Somehow she had found threads of purpose, a promise of something better. She had found a way to burn away the miasma of dread and forlornness.
“I...I thought I had lost my way. Not too long ago.†Her words were barely above a whisper, even if there were no other patrons about to hear her confession. These were memories she did not want to revisit.
“I had lost faith in myself. I thought myself too weak. And I thought the world was a much darker place.†Her eyes were affixed to the half eaten fish in front of her. She did not want to meet anyone’s eyes when she recalled those times. “I did not want to return to Ul’dah. I did not want think about anyone else’s pain but my own.â€
“It is easy to forget sometimes... that there is good in the world.†The paladin rolled her shoulders in a small shrug. “When all you see is suffering. When all you feel is anger and despair.†She absently took up the fork in her hand and began to pick at her fish. She paused and peered back up at him. “But then I met good people, those who reminded me that the world is not all dark--not just about whether you survive or not.â€
Nero was watching her with a measured gaze, saying nothing.
Roen regarded the smuggler intently, as if to hold his gaze. “It is about how you live, and make of it what you can. For yourself. And for others.†She set her fork down. “So I decided to do just that. Focusing on helping others…it lent me my own lucidity. It gave me purpose again.â€
Nero’s expression remained unmoved by her story, his meticulously constructed composure remained intact. But his voice wavered, just a bit when he spoke. “And what if I prove you wrong?†He inhaled. “You claim me to be a saint disguised as a devil. You…have poured all your faith into my beliefs.†His eyes narrowed on her as if to challenge her. “You believe my altruism will correct my wrongdoings.â€
"It's…not correcting wrongdoings so much as..." She hesitated.
“What if I prove you wrong?†he repeated.
The paladin met his stare with an intensity of her own. “You said yourself that first day we met. You have not lost your compassion. That is what sets you apart from those you seek to bring low.†She leaned in, her hands curling around the edge of her seat. “What if you prove me right?â€
It was a struggle of wills that neither was willing to relinquish to the other. And yet neither of them could be proven wrong or right either. At least, not yet.
“It is up to you, Nero, what you choose in the end.†Her belief in him did not waver despite the fact that she knew so little of him. Perhaps it was stubbornness that drove her to try and make him see what she saw in him. Even if what she saw were mere glimpses and thinnest strands of hope drowned in a sea of ambition and ruthlessness...the fact that he wanted to bury them so readily made her want to bring them to the fore even more so.
Even if he was starting to despise her for it.
“Just know this. Your choice is not so predestined as you believe it to be.†Her expression softened again as if in peace offering. “I have faith.â€
