(10-02-2014, 03:40 PM)Berrod Armstrong Wrote: Dear Phoenix,
It has been a few moons since I lost my little boy. He went out on an adventure and never came back. I miss him so, he was my everything, my life, my light, my very reason to be.Â
It's been so hard to carry on. Some days death tempts me but if I do not live, then I cannot carry on his memory. I cannot go into his room and remember what a precious thing he was upon this good land.
I ask you then. Do you think adopting another son is a good idea? I don't want to replace my little Tombleweed boy, but this void aches more than I can bear. In addition, I feel that I may do some good for a poor orphan by giving him all the love that my boy did not live to see.Â
What do I do?
Signed,
A Grieving Mother
Dear Grieving Mother,
First, my condolences on your loss. I myself cannot say I know the feelings you have but I can imagine in some small capacity.
In regards to adoption, however, I do have some experience. I can say, with no small amount of pride, that yours truly was fortunate enough to be received into a loving and generous home by those not of blood. Your desire to bring joy into the life of a child who likely has little is a grand endeavor and I applaud the effort. I was fortunate, in some ways, to have no recollection of my parents for being too young. It made things easier for a large number of years. If you adopt a child that is in the same plight then your life may be made easier by this, and I would very nearly recommend this option if possible.
However. There is another part of this that makes me feel the easier option is not the best. Consider your loss and reverse it--to be a child who knew their parents and lost them both. A similar void is open in another heart. I cannot say whether they would want to replace their parents--but I can say with some certainty they likely have just as terrible a hole in their chests as you do. And so, the greater act of giving and charity, I feel, would be to instead take in this wounded soul and together help one another to heal.
A mutual adversity, when overcome, creates a powerful bond and one that will likely prove to last through the years in a way that a child that has never known loss could ever feel.
There is, also, one more option and this one is likely the most difficult of all. I've been made aware that there are people much like yourself that for some reason or another wish to open their homes to children but have found that they take far greater joy in giving them a home and love for a time until a family that wishes to adopt them fully is found. New lives are fostered out of this, and I believe that there are ways to make this arrangement by speaking with the local officials in charge of orphan affairs. In this way, you have also the option of giving the love you feel to many children, rather than just one--though as I am sure you can imagine, this also can create a different set of emotional struggles.
Whatever you road you chose, understand that your pain, while real and likely lasting, can still be turned to something good--you have found the strength to point yourself in this direction and now it is up to you to take the first steps towards a future of your own making.
Godspeed and I would ask, if possible, to write again to allow my readers and myself to share in what I hope will be a joyful new life.
Signed,
The Phoenix
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