(12-02-2014, 03:49 PM)Melodia Wrote: ^ This. Especially that second sentence. If I am trying and making every effort but continue to get walls or silence, I can't help but take that as a giant middle finger to me.
Sometimes it's good to take a step back. Some people are like me, and you know that sometimes I don't respond -- either I'm overwhelmed with something else going on, or I'm afk, or I just didn't see the alert/message/whatever. If it happens persistently and you've tried alternate means of contact then yeah, I totally get the 'oh, huh, guess they don't really look at me the same way I do them' -- and that does hurt.
Buuut y'know. Give the benefit of the doubt first. And then try to talk. Sometimes all it takes is a 'hey, is everything okay?' or a 'I noticed ____, wanna talk about it?' to get things moving. I have misunderstandings with people too, and generally (there are exceptions) all it takes is that initial probe to check in to settle things out. Just make sure you don't put pressure on them and come at it with a positive attitude; if someone is already feeling negative in some way or overwhelmed or stressed or whatever and they get a feeling like you're upset with them, the last thing they're gonna wanna do is talk.
Cuz I mean, hell, I had a very close friend who I roomed with awhile back tell me I was too needy right after all the shit imploded in my personal life. Talk about a big ouch! I had to step back, assess how I was acting, not talk to him for a day or two, and then go back in and talk about it. Things are back to being cool, and, y'know, I was relying on him for more support then I should have, considering the dynamic between us (normally I go to my very close girlfriends for that kinda stuff, but they were dealing with crap of their own and I didn't want to overload them >>).
Everyone is different, everyone reacts to social situations and cues differently. Sometimes all it takes is taking a step back and re-assessing, going in for a neutral conversation, and building back up. Other times you just gotta accept that the individual(s) in question just isn't interested in the same sort of social interaction you are -- that or the communication styles are too different. I'm not that great of a conversationalist, so I don't usually start conversations. When I have something to say, I say it. Otherwise I'm pretty quiet.
