Dreams were supposed to be visions of what could be, where one could get lost in their slumber to a world of unimagined possibilities. But this night, as it had been for many nights, Roen’s own sleep was restless, her dreams full of turmoil.
Many faces, those she loved and held dear, now looked upon her with outrage.
"Here ye are tellin' me yer workin' with a murderer,†Gharen said, his expression twisted with disbelief.
Roen could not lie to him. She had always told her brother the truth. So when he had asked about Yoyorano, she told him. She told him about the bloodbath of an entire noble bloodline that Nero had orchestrated. She tried to explain that it was after Nero had learned that Daegsatz had been executed without a trial--when he was driven with cold blind rage. That he had set aside his promise to allow justice to work, instead setting in motion his deadly plans. But Gharen did not want to understand. And a part of her could not blame him.
"An' tha's okay!?" he growled at her. "What part o' women an' children was fine with ye if'n ye knew this!?"
She remembered those words made something snapped within her. "It is not fine!†Her voice rose to match his, shaking with indignation. “It has NEVER been fine with me! I wake with visions of dead bodies, faceless women and children, laying in a broken manse! They haunt my dreams! It is not fine! NONE of this is FINE!" She had hoped that her brother would give her guidance in this mire of guilt and doubt she was sinking in, rather than face his fury. It was too much to hope for.
His anger never abated. He did not want to believe that she saw any good in Nero or that there were any to begin with. She tried to make him see that Gharen too had forgiven others--Hornet and Delial after the foul deeds that both of them had committed. But he did not want to see. Where as he had the benefit of crossing their paths after they had begun their road to redemption, Nero had yet to prove himself in her brother’s eyes. Despite the fact that the pirate’s actions were all driven by a desire to end suffering for so many, Gharen did not want to believe that there was a possibility of atonement. Even for someone she loved.
When Roen tried to argue for the sake of saving Ul’dah, her brother uttered the words that she did not want to hear. The same words that everyone else had told her: Ul’dah was fine. That it would change itself in time. Her insistence that people had suffered enough, even going as far as to accuse him that he too had turned a blind eye to it, it only sparked his ire. When he grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and hissed in her face through gritted teeth, she felt her heart plummeting through her chest. She knew then that there would be no understanding between them. Not in this.
“Don' ye talk te me about livin' in squalor, especially when ye've never walked a mile in my shoes,†he seethed.
“I do not want to oppose you, Gharen,†she pleaded desperately, one last time. “Please do not make me choose. Give me more time. I know I can do this right. Else all this will be for naught.â€
Gharen’s muscles were taut with barely controlled temper, and his expression remained dark. "Well, it's goin' te be fer nothin' I guess. Cause I'm goin' te be workin on puttin' him away. This ends now.â€
Her brother’s voice rang harshly through her memory like a hammer striking an anvil, before his face faded in her mind’s eye. Roen found herself staring at the calm collected countenance of Gideon North instead. Only, his usually placid facade was cold as he looked upon her, shaded with a tinge of sadness.
“Do you believe, Miss, that even if we had the materials, I should bring the young master back into the world alongside the man who shattered him? Who exchanged his parents for coin?â€
Mister Bellveil had betrayed her confidence and had told Gideon that she was hiding the truth about those who had been responsible for his master’s death. Roen had not wanted to reveal it just yet, she wanted to give Mister North another path of closure first. But when the valet was made aware, she had no choice but to tell him the truth. He did not deserved to be lied to.
Gideon received the news that it was Nero who sunk his master’s ship off the coast of Limsa Lominsa with a chill to his demeanor. He bid her farewell and bid happiness in her future with the pirate, but there was only resentment behind his words. Roen could not let him go, she kept stepping in front of him as he tried to leave.
"How do you expect me to answer that..?" Roen stared at him with her eyes wide. "That he should be punished for his crimes? A part of me knows this. For I would argue the same for all the other murderers. I would argue it for those who ordered and paid for that ship to be sunk." The paladin paused, bowing her head in sadness. "But another part of me… believes there is a remorseful side to him."
“Belief, Miss.†Gideon said distastefully.
“Aye. Faith in someone." She peered back up at him. "Sometimes that is all that we are left with."
The valet met her gaze cooly. “I made clear my position on faith at the Ball.†He held it for a moment longer, before his shoulder sagged, his expression falling. ‘I…I do not wish to argue any more with Miss.â€
When she saw his frame falter with exhaustion, she too sighed. “My apologies,†she whispered. "Do as you will, Mister North."
“I…†Gideon began, searching her eyes. “I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Roen. Work for the man who killed my family? Or work for the man who bade me to murder my friends?†A pause fell between them before he spoke again. “It feels like I've come to an...an end.â€
"At...an end..?"
“I've no more way to move forward. I can't hurt him, because you love him, and I can't serve him, because I hate him.â€
Gideon seemed so lost. A man without a purpose. She found herself speechless, there were no words to comfort him.
The butler’s forlorn expression washed away, leaving the familiar visage of a Duskwight merchant. His expression was one of stern reproach.
“I don't know if your pirate is a good man or a bad one. But a good man can make a plan that causes terrible suffering all the same, can they not?"
Roen was desperate to defend Nero, to make Mister Bellveil understand why she stood by him. "Why are you absolutely certain that he will bring just not your death but suffering to all?"
"Because that is what you implied!" Verad pointed at her with an accusatory finger. "When you spoke of the necessity of sacrifices!â€
Those were Nero’s words. Sacrifices. Necessary destruction. Words that justified the bloodshed and the violence that he had orchestrated. All for just the glimpse of a chance that Ul’dah could be saved. She had repeated them to Verad Bellveil many moons ago in desperate hope that the merchant who had always soothed her doubts would do so again. But this time, he was throwing it back at her to question her plans.
"I confided in you my fears!†Roen could not help but feel wounded. Betrayed. “My absolute worst nightmares come to life!"
"Confidant I may have been - mayhaps I will be so blessed that I will remain so in the future - but why do you only confide terrors in me? Why do you only confide fears and agonies?â€
"Because you found me when I was in the darkest of places, Mister Bellveil,†she whispered sadly. “You were supposed to be my point in aether. That one person I could trust and turn to. Instead you took it upon yourself to lead me toward a path you saw fit." She slowly shook her head. "I did not ask for that."
"There are a few types of love, Miss Deneith. I won't bore you with the other ones. But one of them involves helping a person become the best they possibly can be. Even at the cost of the relationship, whatever that may be."
Roen stared at him, long and hard.
"If that has happened - if you are a better person for this - then I can only apologize for doing it in such a manner. If that has failed, then I can only offer apologies even more humbly."
"I know the line I am walking, Mister Bellveil. I am painfully becoming more aware of it, every sun. And I want to do the right thing. I…I have to do the right thing. Else all that I am doing is for naught."
The Duskwight looked to her with a frown. His tone held a hint of patience, but also rebuke. "Why do you think you have time to choose for yourself? What vanity do you hold that you must decide the right path when hesitation causes more harm?"
His words made her falter. Again, she had no answer. Was her attempt in trying to save Nero only costing more lives?
The Duskwight’s face was suddenly swallowed up by the darkness, as screams rang from the depthless void behind him. The black curtain then lifted to reveal a broken manse, bloodstains on the walls, and dead bodies littering the floor. Men, women, and children alike, eyes opened along with their mouths in a silent scream, crimson stains beneath their bodies.
With a gasp, Roen’s eyes shot open and she found herself in her bed. The ending was the same, the visions of the violence visited upon the Yoyorano family, the scene would often return to her dreams whenever she was troubled. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, trying to shake off the shivers that had nothing to do with the cool ocean breeze. Even now, the angry words from her dreams haunted her thoughts.
Gharen would stand against Nero. She had no choice but to oppose him, her own brother.
Gideon hated the man she loved. There was nothing she could do to fix that. She knew he would never look upon her the same way again.
And Mister Bellveil...
She had walked away from him for his own sake. It was something that she should have done when he was attacked by the Brass Blades. His love for her and his loyalty to her were undeniable. But it was obvious that confiding her deepest fears in him was taking its toll. He felt compelled to help her in however way possible. In the end, she believed that it would only hurt them both.
Roen wrapped herself in her blankets as she curled in upon herself. Sitting alone in a starless night, surrounded by naught but sounds of crickets and distant ocean waves, the loneliness suddenly seemed all the more palpable.
Many faces, those she loved and held dear, now looked upon her with outrage.
"Here ye are tellin' me yer workin' with a murderer,†Gharen said, his expression twisted with disbelief.
Roen could not lie to him. She had always told her brother the truth. So when he had asked about Yoyorano, she told him. She told him about the bloodbath of an entire noble bloodline that Nero had orchestrated. She tried to explain that it was after Nero had learned that Daegsatz had been executed without a trial--when he was driven with cold blind rage. That he had set aside his promise to allow justice to work, instead setting in motion his deadly plans. But Gharen did not want to understand. And a part of her could not blame him.
"An' tha's okay!?" he growled at her. "What part o' women an' children was fine with ye if'n ye knew this!?"
She remembered those words made something snapped within her. "It is not fine!†Her voice rose to match his, shaking with indignation. “It has NEVER been fine with me! I wake with visions of dead bodies, faceless women and children, laying in a broken manse! They haunt my dreams! It is not fine! NONE of this is FINE!" She had hoped that her brother would give her guidance in this mire of guilt and doubt she was sinking in, rather than face his fury. It was too much to hope for.
His anger never abated. He did not want to believe that she saw any good in Nero or that there were any to begin with. She tried to make him see that Gharen too had forgiven others--Hornet and Delial after the foul deeds that both of them had committed. But he did not want to see. Where as he had the benefit of crossing their paths after they had begun their road to redemption, Nero had yet to prove himself in her brother’s eyes. Despite the fact that the pirate’s actions were all driven by a desire to end suffering for so many, Gharen did not want to believe that there was a possibility of atonement. Even for someone she loved.
When Roen tried to argue for the sake of saving Ul’dah, her brother uttered the words that she did not want to hear. The same words that everyone else had told her: Ul’dah was fine. That it would change itself in time. Her insistence that people had suffered enough, even going as far as to accuse him that he too had turned a blind eye to it, it only sparked his ire. When he grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and hissed in her face through gritted teeth, she felt her heart plummeting through her chest. She knew then that there would be no understanding between them. Not in this.
“Don' ye talk te me about livin' in squalor, especially when ye've never walked a mile in my shoes,†he seethed.
“I do not want to oppose you, Gharen,†she pleaded desperately, one last time. “Please do not make me choose. Give me more time. I know I can do this right. Else all this will be for naught.â€
Gharen’s muscles were taut with barely controlled temper, and his expression remained dark. "Well, it's goin' te be fer nothin' I guess. Cause I'm goin' te be workin on puttin' him away. This ends now.â€
Her brother’s voice rang harshly through her memory like a hammer striking an anvil, before his face faded in her mind’s eye. Roen found herself staring at the calm collected countenance of Gideon North instead. Only, his usually placid facade was cold as he looked upon her, shaded with a tinge of sadness.
“Do you believe, Miss, that even if we had the materials, I should bring the young master back into the world alongside the man who shattered him? Who exchanged his parents for coin?â€
Mister Bellveil had betrayed her confidence and had told Gideon that she was hiding the truth about those who had been responsible for his master’s death. Roen had not wanted to reveal it just yet, she wanted to give Mister North another path of closure first. But when the valet was made aware, she had no choice but to tell him the truth. He did not deserved to be lied to.
Gideon received the news that it was Nero who sunk his master’s ship off the coast of Limsa Lominsa with a chill to his demeanor. He bid her farewell and bid happiness in her future with the pirate, but there was only resentment behind his words. Roen could not let him go, she kept stepping in front of him as he tried to leave.
"How do you expect me to answer that..?" Roen stared at him with her eyes wide. "That he should be punished for his crimes? A part of me knows this. For I would argue the same for all the other murderers. I would argue it for those who ordered and paid for that ship to be sunk." The paladin paused, bowing her head in sadness. "But another part of me… believes there is a remorseful side to him."
“Belief, Miss.†Gideon said distastefully.
“Aye. Faith in someone." She peered back up at him. "Sometimes that is all that we are left with."
The valet met her gaze cooly. “I made clear my position on faith at the Ball.†He held it for a moment longer, before his shoulder sagged, his expression falling. ‘I…I do not wish to argue any more with Miss.â€
When she saw his frame falter with exhaustion, she too sighed. “My apologies,†she whispered. "Do as you will, Mister North."
“I…†Gideon began, searching her eyes. “I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Roen. Work for the man who killed my family? Or work for the man who bade me to murder my friends?†A pause fell between them before he spoke again. “It feels like I've come to an...an end.â€
"At...an end..?"
“I've no more way to move forward. I can't hurt him, because you love him, and I can't serve him, because I hate him.â€
Gideon seemed so lost. A man without a purpose. She found herself speechless, there were no words to comfort him.
The butler’s forlorn expression washed away, leaving the familiar visage of a Duskwight merchant. His expression was one of stern reproach.
“I don't know if your pirate is a good man or a bad one. But a good man can make a plan that causes terrible suffering all the same, can they not?"
Roen was desperate to defend Nero, to make Mister Bellveil understand why she stood by him. "Why are you absolutely certain that he will bring just not your death but suffering to all?"
"Because that is what you implied!" Verad pointed at her with an accusatory finger. "When you spoke of the necessity of sacrifices!â€
Those were Nero’s words. Sacrifices. Necessary destruction. Words that justified the bloodshed and the violence that he had orchestrated. All for just the glimpse of a chance that Ul’dah could be saved. She had repeated them to Verad Bellveil many moons ago in desperate hope that the merchant who had always soothed her doubts would do so again. But this time, he was throwing it back at her to question her plans.
"I confided in you my fears!†Roen could not help but feel wounded. Betrayed. “My absolute worst nightmares come to life!"
"Confidant I may have been - mayhaps I will be so blessed that I will remain so in the future - but why do you only confide terrors in me? Why do you only confide fears and agonies?â€
"Because you found me when I was in the darkest of places, Mister Bellveil,†she whispered sadly. “You were supposed to be my point in aether. That one person I could trust and turn to. Instead you took it upon yourself to lead me toward a path you saw fit." She slowly shook her head. "I did not ask for that."
"There are a few types of love, Miss Deneith. I won't bore you with the other ones. But one of them involves helping a person become the best they possibly can be. Even at the cost of the relationship, whatever that may be."
Roen stared at him, long and hard.
"If that has happened - if you are a better person for this - then I can only apologize for doing it in such a manner. If that has failed, then I can only offer apologies even more humbly."
"I know the line I am walking, Mister Bellveil. I am painfully becoming more aware of it, every sun. And I want to do the right thing. I…I have to do the right thing. Else all that I am doing is for naught."
The Duskwight looked to her with a frown. His tone held a hint of patience, but also rebuke. "Why do you think you have time to choose for yourself? What vanity do you hold that you must decide the right path when hesitation causes more harm?"
His words made her falter. Again, she had no answer. Was her attempt in trying to save Nero only costing more lives?
The Duskwight’s face was suddenly swallowed up by the darkness, as screams rang from the depthless void behind him. The black curtain then lifted to reveal a broken manse, bloodstains on the walls, and dead bodies littering the floor. Men, women, and children alike, eyes opened along with their mouths in a silent scream, crimson stains beneath their bodies.
With a gasp, Roen’s eyes shot open and she found herself in her bed. The ending was the same, the visions of the violence visited upon the Yoyorano family, the scene would often return to her dreams whenever she was troubled. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, trying to shake off the shivers that had nothing to do with the cool ocean breeze. Even now, the angry words from her dreams haunted her thoughts.
Gharen would stand against Nero. She had no choice but to oppose him, her own brother.
Gideon hated the man she loved. There was nothing she could do to fix that. She knew he would never look upon her the same way again.
And Mister Bellveil...
She had walked away from him for his own sake. It was something that she should have done when he was attacked by the Brass Blades. His love for her and his loyalty to her were undeniable. But it was obvious that confiding her deepest fears in him was taking its toll. He felt compelled to help her in however way possible. In the end, she believed that it would only hurt them both.
Roen wrapped herself in her blankets as she curled in upon herself. Sitting alone in a starless night, surrounded by naught but sounds of crickets and distant ocean waves, the loneliness suddenly seemed all the more palpable.
