Dear Phoenix,
I am at a loss in a problem of an amorous nature, and I fear you are the only person with whom I can discuss this matter to. Ideally, this would be in private, but it is my hope that my own experience is maybe shared and so your advice reaches ears not unlike mine own.
I have fallen hopelessly in love with a woman. A serving girl from a tavern. Her smile dazzles the eyes, her voice entrances like a flock of sirens and her eyes command your attention whenever one is fortunate enough to have them fall upon your countenance.
The problem I have, however, isn't one of shyness, but of size. I am a very large Roegadyn, and she a petite and porcelain Lalafell.
Would that I could whisk her to my bedchamber in my hand and please her as a woman of her beauty demands to be pleased! Alas, I fear that my ministrations would literally smother the flower...or do significantly worse harm to regions that should be admired and adored.
I beseech you, as a man whose heart and loins both ache. Help me display my love to her without splitting the doll in half!
Signed,
Loving Yet Large
