6th JULY 2012
I feel weak. Powerless. Fighting my own mind for self-control. Every little shadow, every little movement... it brings back horrible, horrible memories... but I feel safe with Miyuki. Safe and content. Aly as well, but I don't really get to see her as much... and now I'm starting to feel slightly comfortable with Leanna too.
I'm starting to feel more and more able to beat back the flashbacks and the depressing thoughts, but I still can't bring myself to speak... I still have minor access to my voice, but I've only ever made vocal sounds under extreme stress... mostly screams and squeaks. But at least I've built up the confidence to produce simple gestures... things are somewhat easier now that I can communicate at least in some way.
I hope nobody notices that I've gone out by myself today... I don't want to worry anyone... just me and the marmots, out in the black shroud like old times. Away from civilisation, where I can be free of all the things that keep me contained... buildings, stone, rules, crowds, clothing... now it's just me and nature. But even still I can't relax. Even now, I jump at shadows and forever worry about my former captors... I wish these feelings would go away and leave me alone for once...
I feel weak. Powerless. Fighting my own mind for self-control. Every little shadow, every little movement... it brings back horrible, horrible memories... but I feel safe with Miyuki. Safe and content. Aly as well, but I don't really get to see her as much... and now I'm starting to feel slightly comfortable with Leanna too.
I'm starting to feel more and more able to beat back the flashbacks and the depressing thoughts, but I still can't bring myself to speak... I still have minor access to my voice, but I've only ever made vocal sounds under extreme stress... mostly screams and squeaks. But at least I've built up the confidence to produce simple gestures... things are somewhat easier now that I can communicate at least in some way.
I hope nobody notices that I've gone out by myself today... I don't want to worry anyone... just me and the marmots, out in the black shroud like old times. Away from civilisation, where I can be free of all the things that keep me contained... buildings, stone, rules, crowds, clothing... now it's just me and nature. But even still I can't relax. Even now, I jump at shadows and forever worry about my former captors... I wish these feelings would go away and leave me alone for once...
![[Image: RSig2015.png]](https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/51152173/RSig2015.png)
