If there is anything I've learned, it's that everything I feel, even the scary feelings, the ones people label as negative, are all telling me something about myself, or about a situation I'm in. I don't always know what it is immediately, but if its nagging me enough, I sit down, and I go over all of it to get to the root of it. I also have a person for that. I'll say "Hey, there's this thing. Can you help me root it out?"Â
While this is a gaming community, it's really no different than real life. This is an online game, with other people. They are not sitting in front of me, but they are there. And inevitably, my feelings are going to be hurt by a behavior, or an action, and I may inevitably upset someone else with my behavior, or my actions. But it's just that, usually a one off. Or it might be a repetitive behavior. No one is a bad guy, or a terrible person, typically. Sometimes it's just thoughtlessness. And if it's ever a deliberate behavior that is meant to harm others (not hurt, harm, ie cause damage on a physical, emotional or mental level) then I need to cut that person from my life.Â
If I am hurt, I like to figure out why. And I like to own that feeling. Owning my own feelings gives me a sense of empowerment. If I ever say or am thinking "this person MAKES me feel so angry," or "this person MADE me feel this way," I am giving them way too much power over me. I need to communicate with that person. I don't jump down their throat, I just assess whether it's worth bringing up. If I care about the relationship with the person, I calmly collect my thoughts (this can take a few days sometimes) and say "Hey, this is the behavior, and I didn't like it for this reason. Please don't do it anymore," and state my boundaries without attacking the person's character.
I want an open dialogue. It's not usually about the person, it's about the behavior. And if it continues despite efforts to communicate, then I cut the person from my life. It's okay for any of us to make a mistake. It's how I learn and grow. That mistake may really sting me or others, and I or someone else might lose out on something or someone whenever I or someone else makes a mistake, but its a mistake worth making if I've learn from it, or anyone at all has learned from it. A lot of shit isn't intentional, and people still have hurt feelings. But it's worth communicating with people to make sure that a misunderstanding never turns into a grievance.Â
If I don't think it's worth bringing up, and I just want to let it go, I go and write about it. I write it all down and never share it with anyone. Ever. I always feel better, too, after I've made the effort and spent the energy to do it.
While this is a gaming community, it's really no different than real life. This is an online game, with other people. They are not sitting in front of me, but they are there. And inevitably, my feelings are going to be hurt by a behavior, or an action, and I may inevitably upset someone else with my behavior, or my actions. But it's just that, usually a one off. Or it might be a repetitive behavior. No one is a bad guy, or a terrible person, typically. Sometimes it's just thoughtlessness. And if it's ever a deliberate behavior that is meant to harm others (not hurt, harm, ie cause damage on a physical, emotional or mental level) then I need to cut that person from my life.Â
If I am hurt, I like to figure out why. And I like to own that feeling. Owning my own feelings gives me a sense of empowerment. If I ever say or am thinking "this person MAKES me feel so angry," or "this person MADE me feel this way," I am giving them way too much power over me. I need to communicate with that person. I don't jump down their throat, I just assess whether it's worth bringing up. If I care about the relationship with the person, I calmly collect my thoughts (this can take a few days sometimes) and say "Hey, this is the behavior, and I didn't like it for this reason. Please don't do it anymore," and state my boundaries without attacking the person's character.
I want an open dialogue. It's not usually about the person, it's about the behavior. And if it continues despite efforts to communicate, then I cut the person from my life. It's okay for any of us to make a mistake. It's how I learn and grow. That mistake may really sting me or others, and I or someone else might lose out on something or someone whenever I or someone else makes a mistake, but its a mistake worth making if I've learn from it, or anyone at all has learned from it. A lot of shit isn't intentional, and people still have hurt feelings. But it's worth communicating with people to make sure that a misunderstanding never turns into a grievance.Â
If I don't think it's worth bringing up, and I just want to let it go, I go and write about it. I write it all down and never share it with anyone. Ever. I always feel better, too, after I've made the effort and spent the energy to do it.
