(04-21-2015, 11:10 PM)Graeham Ridgefield Wrote:(04-21-2015, 11:06 PM)Domri Blackblade Wrote:(04-21-2015, 11:03 PM)Graeham Ridgefield Wrote: More than once I've seen people express a concern that it is very difficult to break into specific role-playing circles or that they're met with a fairly frosty welcome. Each and every time this then leads to 'popular' role-players rushing to offer their advice and subtly imply that those expressing their concerns simply need to try harder.
Really? We're starting with this again?
Christ.
People are free to disagree, of course, but it's something that I believe there's a lot of merit to. Of course, if you don't believe it's a problem then that's fine - but since multiple people have expressed the same concerns I think it's safe to give the theory more than a dismissive 'Christ'.
This is. . .frustrating to me.
Sometimes, with this whole thing, it seems like the biggest problem is that people are too willing to echo each other without coming up with solutions.
I don't really know how I'm regarded. I know that some people have complimented me, and I know that when I look for it, I can find rp. I talk to exactly one person outside of the game in its entirety (not counting Jager, since I've known him for years and brought him into the game), and if you count people who reach out to me in game to talk, that makes two.
I'm not in a FC.
The few LS I'm in are dead (the rest I've been removed from because of my inactivity streak, which is totally and completely understandable).
Yet I am sure that I could find rp easily if I chose. It's not because I'm in with anyone. It's because I seek others out. It's not because it is not difficult for me -- there are some who can probably remember before August 2014 when I stalked newbies posting and would ask them to rp with me. Most of them never tried to contact me. The few I actually reached out to in pms still did not always work, and this is with me giving them my times available, finding them in game, and trying to rp with them.
The problems that I see are that too often people are willing to point out the problem, talk about it for words and words and words, but they aren't willing to alter their behavior beyond anything superficial. You can't find rp? What are the specific problems? What do you even need help with? Most of the time I find myself giving generic advice because without an active discussion, that's all I can do.
When people get snippy, what do you do? When I'm involved, I try to diffuse it. To me, when people are snippy or frustrated or getting negative, it's often because they feel unheard, like they don't matter, or like they have utterly no control in how things are going. It's like the LoL community. People I talk to who play tell me about how toxic their games can get. I had those same games. You know what? After I made a conscious effort to be kinder and more responsive to people who were feeding, making horrendous remarks, or threatening to afk based on whatever thing I could generally get them to stop with that behavior and participate in a more positive way (no, not perfect most of the time, but still much better). Hell, the best one I can remember was when someone was taking their sweet time to bash the hell out of me. I sweetly told them that I wasn't an expert and would greatly appreciate any advice they had -- and guess what? I got oodles of advice throughout the game, most of which I didn't even follow, but just that little effort of giving that person a sense of control over the situation and letting him know that yes, dude, I hear you and let's try to compromise helped. I remember that one the most clearly because it was the first time I tried that tactic. Most of the time after that, it worked.
It's the same thing here. It's the same thing everywhere. When you get negative, people respond in kind. You can't expect someone else to break the cycle, or someone else to take responsibility. You have to take responsibility to try and address problems you see, even if it is a simple "man, you know, I hear what you're saying but I really wish you could make that point a little nicer.
Snark vs snark is only going to make more snark. It doesn't make you look cooler. Being willing to swallow your 'cool factor' and just say something nice? Yeah, that diffuses things way better than just about anything else. Be tactful. Be kind. Be polite. Rely on your logic and patience to make your point (not everyone understands things the same way, and sometimes people misunderstand things -- I know I have!), not how well you can cut someone off at the knees.
If you find yourself unable to take a step back and cool down, or the other person is having a hard time cooling down: stop.
That's it.
That's really it.
Focusing on how bad things are without offering up solutions tends, in my experience, to exacerbate the problem. I'm not saying this thread is a bad idea, because I believe talking about things is how you move forward. BUT, just giving up isn't going to work either. You don't get anything unless you accept some risk and try.
And putting people on a pedestal, in my opinion, is a huge god damn part of the problem. Everyone here is just like you. It's just some of them post frequently. Yes, there are some beautiful writers here, but don't look up to them! Learn from the bits of writing that you like! Don't treat them like they are some other class of writer from you!
IN SUMMATION.
=> Be specific when you have a problem. If possible, self-identify things you need help with. People can only help if you let them know what works and what doesn't work.
=> You can't do shit without opening yourself up to some risk and potential hurt, and being willing to try different ways of doing things that may be uncomfortable. (do note: social anxiety is a real problem, and shyness can be crippling: but even still you have to be willing to speak up, even if it's through a trusted friend. It sucks, but jack all will change unless you make some sort of move)
=> Be kind to negative people. Chances are they need it, and chances are that'll fix things. If it doesn't, just let it go. Perpetuating is not going to help.
=> No one is better than anyone else, so don't treat anyone like they are.
=> IF YOU CATCH YOURSELF BEING A NEGATIVE NEGATRON, APOLOGIZE IN PMs TO THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE BEEN A BUTT TO, OR AT THE VERY LEAST WITHDRAW FROM THE DISCUSSION.
=> Nothing changes without people making effort to be active of making change.
