I'm mostly an outsider. I haven't RPd in several months due to my own choice due to my apathy towards my current character. I don't really know a lot of the long-time posters, moderators, or anyone really outside of my friends from other communities or my FC. Most people I've met I've met through doing illustrations for them and talking to them one-on-one. This is not a complaint about my lack of RP. I know it is an on-going issue for some, and not for others, and there are a dozen reasons why it is that way, and none of them the same for everyone. I merely want to make an observation from my own time spent reading various threads.Â
There is a rule in place to not call people out. For good reason. And I agree with the rule. What I see, however, is that I think folks are still afraid that they are being named, or labeled, when people talk about certain behaviors or activities, or demographics in threads. I have seen a few posts start with "I think you may be referring to me." The thing is, no one really knows if that is the case of not. I think folks are very much afraid of being labeled or judged, or invalidated by others.Â
It took me a very long time to understand that while someone may be referring negatively to something I like, or activities I participate in, or something, anything, that I in some way relate to, that they were not really referring to me. They are expressing and opinion, not a fact. So, I stopped jumping to the defensive about it. It wasn't about me, and I didn't need to draw unnecessary attention to myself, and how I was not that thing that was so disliked. It wasn't about me, and I was not that person. I stopped being so distressed by the possibility that my character was in question.Â
I think that some of the tension folks are sensing may be from ongoing or long-term misunderstandings that may have turned to grievance and further resentment. The only way I know how to solve that issue is to identify what is first distressing me, and then talk to the person involved to make sure the misunderstanding is cleared up. Sometimes it's painful, and scary, but I've always felt a sense of relief when I've cleared up the misunderstanding, or, come to find out that it wasn't really about me all along.Â
I think folks may be reading into comments, falsely believing that the comment or opinion expressed is about them. Very rarely have I seen any intentional labeling, shaming, or invalidation on these forums. But, I have seen a lot of folks not wanting to be seen as that thing they are afraid of being seen as, and taking a defensive position, being more afraid of the possibility, than the reality.
There is a rule in place to not call people out. For good reason. And I agree with the rule. What I see, however, is that I think folks are still afraid that they are being named, or labeled, when people talk about certain behaviors or activities, or demographics in threads. I have seen a few posts start with "I think you may be referring to me." The thing is, no one really knows if that is the case of not. I think folks are very much afraid of being labeled or judged, or invalidated by others.Â
It took me a very long time to understand that while someone may be referring negatively to something I like, or activities I participate in, or something, anything, that I in some way relate to, that they were not really referring to me. They are expressing and opinion, not a fact. So, I stopped jumping to the defensive about it. It wasn't about me, and I didn't need to draw unnecessary attention to myself, and how I was not that thing that was so disliked. It wasn't about me, and I was not that person. I stopped being so distressed by the possibility that my character was in question.Â
I think that some of the tension folks are sensing may be from ongoing or long-term misunderstandings that may have turned to grievance and further resentment. The only way I know how to solve that issue is to identify what is first distressing me, and then talk to the person involved to make sure the misunderstanding is cleared up. Sometimes it's painful, and scary, but I've always felt a sense of relief when I've cleared up the misunderstanding, or, come to find out that it wasn't really about me all along.Â
I think folks may be reading into comments, falsely believing that the comment or opinion expressed is about them. Very rarely have I seen any intentional labeling, shaming, or invalidation on these forums. But, I have seen a lot of folks not wanting to be seen as that thing they are afraid of being seen as, and taking a defensive position, being more afraid of the possibility, than the reality.
