(04-23-2015, 09:56 AM)Gegenji Wrote: As for what I'd like critiqued, while I'd love some overall feedback on my Gogon story, I know that's asking a bit much (and against the stated rules, no less!). So, could someone look over the latest bit I posted not too long ago and let me know what you think? I... kinda feel like I'm overplaying Gogon's paranoia a bit, but I'd like some honest feedback.The paranoia is more than reasonable, Gogon is a paranoid based on what I have read. He looks at the world as a web of plots and suspicion, and that's what comes through in the piece.
Its essentially a stream of consciousness, a look in Gogon's mind, and if that's the insight its trying to provide it does a good job of it, but to me it doesn't really hold attention because it lacks a real hook, and contains no description, action, dialogue, or anything like that... its just a stream of thoughts, perception, and attitude. Well written, but it really doesn't seem to go anywhere (although it does go to Revenant's Toll!) I feel a little more aware of Gogon's psychology (but I already had some insight into that from a previous story of yours that I read), but I don't feel enriched. Does that make sense?
Edit: I'll also just add.. I haven't read the full story in part because I don't find Gogon very interesting (I generally dislike dark-out-for-revenge characters, they just have nothing to offer that pulls me in). I like him as a foil to Chachan, and if the story were Chachan's with Gogon as an antagonist I probably would read it. The bits and pieces of it that I have read have definitely been well and smoothly done
That's not a suggestion (we all write stories because they're what we want to write, and they're not really meant to be something that everyone would like to read), but it is an observation.
![[Image: 21282370099_a814a08664_o.png]](https://farm1.staticflickr.com/590/21282370099_a814a08664_o.png)
