(ooc: Doing a full edit for some plot points that have comeup in "A Captain's shoulder the grief" and not including some other plot element that took place at the Grindstone this past Saturday. All I'll say is, Sei if you see thisthread. I'm sorry I didn't have Johnthank her for not only pointing out the wound that he miss but also the help with the aether.)
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John sat on the Grindstone, allowing himself the quietmoment to draw. Charcoal press to paperas he let his mind drift back the last few days. The first talk with Howl, finding out thatwould not be able to help his friend because the stone in his left eye was a Soulstone instead of something dealing with the void. Then the kiss that Howl had given him, makinghim remember that it had been 11 years since he had actually touch another person. How much he had wanted to reachout and feel the warmth from Howl's face.  After he ran off from Howl, all he could thinkwas how much it hurt, how tired he was from hiding, but that he had too. Then when Sam had found him, having found himby accident, and ask him who had kissed him, in that remember moment of panic, his mind told him that he had to leave Ul'dah.
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He stop for a moment to rub out a bit charcoal that had smudgeon the face he had just finish, before going back to the drawing.  John couldn't help the tiny smile that tug athis lips now that he had gotten a lot of weight off his chest. Warren had known him better than even he didhimself, catching him before he could board the airship. Luck or fate, John didn’t know or care now,because there was more than just Sam that knew.Â
They had listen, letting him pour off his shoulder what he had beencarrying for a long time. Oak, Warren,Sam, and Howl were in that small circle of friends and he hope that it would continue to grow, even if he would never be close with someone, like Sam and Tanya had been and Warren and Sei were now.Â
“I guess I’m finally seeing the forest through the trees, Sister.â€Â And maybe when he was more comfortable, hewould start learning about the ‘Dreaming’ instead of trying to hide from it.
Â
John finish up the details of the face, holding off on theeyes so that he could begin work on the body of the person he was drawing. After the two of them left, Sam had stop him,knowing who the notes had really been about.Â
"You can't hide this from Howl, John. You're going have to tell him just like youtold Warren and Doc Oak. Tell him whyyou can’t be close to them. It'll be hisdecision on if he want to have that kind of a relationship with you." He place a hand on John's shoulder. "Just be back at my office by theeleventh bell tomorrow. I'll need yourand Axe help going over some reports."
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Once he had finish the body of the person, he went back tothe face, doing the eyes last. He had tomake sure to get this part of the drawing right. He had call Howl to the stone and spilleverything about his curse and the way he understood it. About why he had to keep everyone away...andHowl accept him for it, and had told him that no one could live that way. Howl was right, he had only just been, noteven trying to live his life, and in that that moment of courage, he finally did something that he hadn’t done in eleven years. He had remove his gloves and allow himself toreach out to someone and Howl reach out to him.
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That first moment of touch, of feeling those pattern afterall those years, had overwhelm him, and he fell into Howl’s before he realize what had happen to him. He had warn Howlthat the strongest emotion made the clearest memories, and because if had been so long since he had done this that he forgot that it was in fact Howl’s memories. They had flash by confusing intheir way, many of them not very happy, until those last few, the strongest being the snow cover mountain and the "Master..." he growl, removing the charcoal from the paper and setting it down so that he could stare at it.
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What was on the paper was huge Highlander, diamond whipraised as if to strike at something off the paper. But the face wasn't looking off at what hemust have been aiming at, it was turn toward John. It was the one memory that he held on tobecause of how different it had been. ‘Thepast is the past, and I can’t change it, no matter what I do, but…’ he thought, staring at the eyes that gleam up at him from the paper. What happen should have happen but memory ofthe Highlander had turn to him, had realize that he was there, when everything he knew about the ‘Dreaming’ scream that it shouldn’t been possible. Then the claws had begun to dig into his mindand he tried to fight it. He was surethat if Kit hadn’t somehow form herself in that memory and attack, the dragon would have gotten him too. Even now, hecould still feel the after effects of the 'claws' that had try to dig their way into his mind. He picks up the paper, foldingit and slipping it into his jacket pocket.Â
He need to speak to Howl, see if it was alright for him to let bothWarren and Sei know what happen.
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He hadn't been sure what Sei had wanted to speak to himabout. "Do you love,Violet?" He wanted to hate her forusing that name but all he could do was snip that violet wasn't his name, just like Snow wasn't her's name. All thewhile he came to despise the Highlander/dragon more for what he took from them in exchange for the power that they had.Â
Still, he answer her honestly, that he truly didn't know what love feltlike, in the way that she asked him.Â
Only that he wanted to protect him but he wouldn't stop him from goingwith her to war. He then told her why hecare so much for not only Howl but Warren and her as well. "You all have been so kind to me, evenwhen I feel I don't deserve it."  Healso told her the truth as well, that even if she was ‘his’ disciple, she was their dragon, and that he wanted them both to return to them.
Â
“Sei,†he whisper. Whenthe chef had been injury, she was the one that knew he had miss the wound in her stomach. “Thal’s balls, I didn’teven notice the blade in her stomach.â€Â
He knew that she was far better than him…even better than hissister. “I want to be as good as you andHowl.â€Â He stood up from the stone. “Hope I can catch them before they leave forthe North and let them know that if they needed some extra help later, that they would contact him. He also neededto apologies to Sei, for not thanking her for the help and the aether that she had given to him. “I still can’t believeI forgot to do that. She must think I’ma barbarian or something.â€Â He wouldcontact Warren so they could meet up before Howl and Sei left.
Â
John sat on the Grindstone, allowing himself the quietmoment to draw. Charcoal press to paperas he let his mind drift back the last few days. The first talk with Howl, finding out thatwould not be able to help his friend because the stone in his left eye was a Soulstone instead of something dealing with the void. Then the kiss that Howl had given him, makinghim remember that it had been 11 years since he had actually touch another person. How much he had wanted to reachout and feel the warmth from Howl's face.  After he ran off from Howl, all he could thinkwas how much it hurt, how tired he was from hiding, but that he had too. Then when Sam had found him, having found himby accident, and ask him who had kissed him, in that remember moment of panic, his mind told him that he had to leave Ul'dah.
Â
He stop for a moment to rub out a bit charcoal that had smudgeon the face he had just finish, before going back to the drawing.  John couldn't help the tiny smile that tug athis lips now that he had gotten a lot of weight off his chest. Warren had known him better than even he didhimself, catching him before he could board the airship. Luck or fate, John didn’t know or care now,because there was more than just Sam that knew.Â
They had listen, letting him pour off his shoulder what he had beencarrying for a long time. Oak, Warren,Sam, and Howl were in that small circle of friends and he hope that it would continue to grow, even if he would never be close with someone, like Sam and Tanya had been and Warren and Sei were now.Â
“I guess I’m finally seeing the forest through the trees, Sister.â€Â And maybe when he was more comfortable, hewould start learning about the ‘Dreaming’ instead of trying to hide from it.
Â
John finish up the details of the face, holding off on theeyes so that he could begin work on the body of the person he was drawing. After the two of them left, Sam had stop him,knowing who the notes had really been about.Â
"You can't hide this from Howl, John. You're going have to tell him just like youtold Warren and Doc Oak. Tell him whyyou can’t be close to them. It'll be hisdecision on if he want to have that kind of a relationship with you." He place a hand on John's shoulder. "Just be back at my office by theeleventh bell tomorrow. I'll need yourand Axe help going over some reports."
Â
Once he had finish the body of the person, he went back tothe face, doing the eyes last. He had tomake sure to get this part of the drawing right. He had call Howl to the stone and spilleverything about his curse and the way he understood it. About why he had to keep everyone away...andHowl accept him for it, and had told him that no one could live that way. Howl was right, he had only just been, noteven trying to live his life, and in that that moment of courage, he finally did something that he hadn’t done in eleven years. He had remove his gloves and allow himself toreach out to someone and Howl reach out to him.
Â
That first moment of touch, of feeling those pattern afterall those years, had overwhelm him, and he fell into Howl’s before he realize what had happen to him. He had warn Howlthat the strongest emotion made the clearest memories, and because if had been so long since he had done this that he forgot that it was in fact Howl’s memories. They had flash by confusing intheir way, many of them not very happy, until those last few, the strongest being the snow cover mountain and the "Master..." he growl, removing the charcoal from the paper and setting it down so that he could stare at it.
Â
What was on the paper was huge Highlander, diamond whipraised as if to strike at something off the paper. But the face wasn't looking off at what hemust have been aiming at, it was turn toward John. It was the one memory that he held on tobecause of how different it had been. ‘Thepast is the past, and I can’t change it, no matter what I do, but…’ he thought, staring at the eyes that gleam up at him from the paper. What happen should have happen but memory ofthe Highlander had turn to him, had realize that he was there, when everything he knew about the ‘Dreaming’ scream that it shouldn’t been possible. Then the claws had begun to dig into his mindand he tried to fight it. He was surethat if Kit hadn’t somehow form herself in that memory and attack, the dragon would have gotten him too. Even now, hecould still feel the after effects of the 'claws' that had try to dig their way into his mind. He picks up the paper, foldingit and slipping it into his jacket pocket.Â
He need to speak to Howl, see if it was alright for him to let bothWarren and Sei know what happen.
Â
He hadn't been sure what Sei had wanted to speak to himabout. "Do you love,Violet?" He wanted to hate her forusing that name but all he could do was snip that violet wasn't his name, just like Snow wasn't her's name. All thewhile he came to despise the Highlander/dragon more for what he took from them in exchange for the power that they had.Â
Still, he answer her honestly, that he truly didn't know what love feltlike, in the way that she asked him.Â
Only that he wanted to protect him but he wouldn't stop him from goingwith her to war. He then told her why hecare so much for not only Howl but Warren and her as well. "You all have been so kind to me, evenwhen I feel I don't deserve it."  Healso told her the truth as well, that even if she was ‘his’ disciple, she was their dragon, and that he wanted them both to return to them.
Â
“Sei,†he whisper. Whenthe chef had been injury, she was the one that knew he had miss the wound in her stomach. “Thal’s balls, I didn’teven notice the blade in her stomach.â€Â
He knew that she was far better than him…even better than hissister. “I want to be as good as you andHowl.â€Â He stood up from the stone. “Hope I can catch them before they leave forthe North and let them know that if they needed some extra help later, that they would contact him. He also neededto apologies to Sei, for not thanking her for the help and the aether that she had given to him. “I still can’t believeI forgot to do that. She must think I’ma barbarian or something.â€Â He wouldcontact Warren so they could meet up before Howl and Sei left.
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