Entry Nine
The Smallest Step
Brightest Gods...
Where once fear ruled, I have somehow found courage; where once I was content to cloak myself in shadow and secrecy, I have somehow embraced the light of truth. I think, in part, some of this stems from Seiko Murakami. She is such a creature of faith and gentle honesty that it's hard to remain skeptical about the world when I'm around her. Her point about me trusting the Company is valid; if I don't embrace my Duskwight heritage, then how can I find true acceptance if I am but a shade of who I really am?
Still, it is a daunting thought; old hatreds and feuds die hard, lasting long past time when they should have been turned to ash. The Ishgardian that assaulted me in Ul'dah is proof enough of that. I shudder to think at what might have been had the off-duty soldier not come across us when he did, but even my rescue speaks of the contrast of the world and the glimmers of hope we are given for a brighter future. Twelve, I am waxing philosophical today...
It makes me curious, though, as to what people like Blake Forester think of me now. During the course of the evening, there were several almost confused glances from him and, perhaps, an understanding there that was unexpected. I sometimes forget he is an Au Ra, I think it the name. The Domans have suffered as much as any of us have; it is said that, even in the beginning, their Great Lady Yugiri hid herself behind masks and cloaks, afraid of the judgment that would befall her and her people because of their appearance. There are more in the world than we Duskwights who have suffered persecution, hatred, and suspicion. I don't know why it should surprise me still that I find kindred spirits in the world.
Beyond that, there is still the matter of the wedding between Eorla Brynn and Scorpio Shirica. Eorla continues to look for friendship from me and even invited me to her wedding personally as a means to foster it. I confess an uncertainty as to whether or not our personalities would mesh well. With Seiko, we are as two handfuls of water that join easily when brought together. Eorla and I seem to clash more than anything and I've yet to find myself genuinely comfortable in her presence, for all that she has a cheerful and well-seeming demeanor. Mayhaps it just needs time, so I suppose we'll see. However, a wedding requires a change of attire since I can't very well attend such a formal gala in the robes and clothing I tromp about the world in.
At the last of this entry, I find myself thinking about Rathien Tia and whether or not he was able to serve the stew I taught him to make to his sweetheart. It was almost comical when he told me of it, as if I would find such a pairing repulsive. In the days after the Calamity, those among the survivors I was part of found solace in whomever they could, male or female, so such unions are hardly appalling. Not to my tastes, but it's of little import when speaking of others and their choices. It is my hope that Rathien finds his happiness; he seems a sweet boy who has had so little in his own life, being a servant's son. May Menphina light the way for him.
I think, though, that this is quite enough for today. I must needs return some books I borrowed to the Ossuary in Ul'dah, a task I'm loathe to perform given the incident with the Ishgardian. Yet, it must be done, so I am away.
The Smallest Step
Brightest Gods...
Where once fear ruled, I have somehow found courage; where once I was content to cloak myself in shadow and secrecy, I have somehow embraced the light of truth. I think, in part, some of this stems from Seiko Murakami. She is such a creature of faith and gentle honesty that it's hard to remain skeptical about the world when I'm around her. Her point about me trusting the Company is valid; if I don't embrace my Duskwight heritage, then how can I find true acceptance if I am but a shade of who I really am?
Still, it is a daunting thought; old hatreds and feuds die hard, lasting long past time when they should have been turned to ash. The Ishgardian that assaulted me in Ul'dah is proof enough of that. I shudder to think at what might have been had the off-duty soldier not come across us when he did, but even my rescue speaks of the contrast of the world and the glimmers of hope we are given for a brighter future. Twelve, I am waxing philosophical today...
It makes me curious, though, as to what people like Blake Forester think of me now. During the course of the evening, there were several almost confused glances from him and, perhaps, an understanding there that was unexpected. I sometimes forget he is an Au Ra, I think it the name. The Domans have suffered as much as any of us have; it is said that, even in the beginning, their Great Lady Yugiri hid herself behind masks and cloaks, afraid of the judgment that would befall her and her people because of their appearance. There are more in the world than we Duskwights who have suffered persecution, hatred, and suspicion. I don't know why it should surprise me still that I find kindred spirits in the world.
Beyond that, there is still the matter of the wedding between Eorla Brynn and Scorpio Shirica. Eorla continues to look for friendship from me and even invited me to her wedding personally as a means to foster it. I confess an uncertainty as to whether or not our personalities would mesh well. With Seiko, we are as two handfuls of water that join easily when brought together. Eorla and I seem to clash more than anything and I've yet to find myself genuinely comfortable in her presence, for all that she has a cheerful and well-seeming demeanor. Mayhaps it just needs time, so I suppose we'll see. However, a wedding requires a change of attire since I can't very well attend such a formal gala in the robes and clothing I tromp about the world in.
At the last of this entry, I find myself thinking about Rathien Tia and whether or not he was able to serve the stew I taught him to make to his sweetheart. It was almost comical when he told me of it, as if I would find such a pairing repulsive. In the days after the Calamity, those among the survivors I was part of found solace in whomever they could, male or female, so such unions are hardly appalling. Not to my tastes, but it's of little import when speaking of others and their choices. It is my hope that Rathien finds his happiness; he seems a sweet boy who has had so little in his own life, being a servant's son. May Menphina light the way for him.
I think, though, that this is quite enough for today. I must needs return some books I borrowed to the Ossuary in Ul'dah, a task I'm loathe to perform given the incident with the Ishgardian. Yet, it must be done, so I am away.
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