Roen stepped out through the heavy double doors of the Saint Reymanaud Cathedral, her eyes squinting as the darkness of the church was washed away by the snow-brushed brightness of a rare luminous afternoon. Snowflakes spun and twirled in their descent, and her breaths still puffed in a cloud of white steam before her lips.
It was four bells after the midday, always on the sixth sun of each sennight. She had returned to this place of worship after their first two encounters; the first one was by chance, and second one by fortuitous happenstance. Then in the following sennights, she had found herself waiting for the same bell and day to return.
It was all to speak to her anonymous confessor--a Duskwight knight of Ishgard and a fellow shield bearer.
Roen still knew not the Elezen’s name, but it mattered little. She knew of his proud family, who held their duty to Ishgard above all else. She knew of their allegiance to the Holy See and their honored tradition of serving as dragoons. The paladin had also learned that her polite and well-spoken confidant had chosen to go against his family’s wishes and bear a shield instead.
Was it that common thread--both of them being shield bearers--that drew her to seek his advice? Or was it the security in anonymity that she felt some freedom in sharing some of her deepest doubts?
As they spoke under the arched roof of the cathedral, Roen found more commonality between her and the knight. Even though she could not ultimately admit to the exact nature of her own losses, she had shared with this stranger her guilt in failing someone who was precious to her. And he in turn, admitted the same. The blame the knight held for himself in losing his sister still seemed to weigh heavily upon him, even though he admitted it was a distant scar rather than an open wound. The paladin found herself promising to pray for his sister’s welfare, if a prayer ever left her lips. Where as he feared the worst, she held some hope that the one he held dear, still lived.
Was that the reason then, that Roen felt free to admit her own guilt about her brother, the next time they spoke? While the Duskwight had forfeited his honor and duty to try and save his sister, and eventually be ostracized by his family for his sacrifice, Roen had done the very opposite. In losing someone she loved, she ran away from her family and friends. And when Delial and Kage sought her out to ask her for her aid, the paladin turned them away.
She was not ready to face her brother or anyone else that cared for her. Roen had worked so hard to construct her fortress of apathy, she was not prepared to tear it down yet.
But the fate of her missing brother still plagued her thoughts. Roen told herself time and again that she had sent the most capable tracker to aid them. If Kiht could not help Delial and Kage, who else could? Certainly not she.
The paladin told Delial more than once that she did not want to be involved. The Highlander had acquiesced begrudgingly. The keen woman seemed to suspect that something had happened, but kept her silence on the matter. There was fire lit within her amber eye that Roen knew that Delial would not stop until Gharen was found. And she had Kage standing by her side. That should have eased her mind. That should have been enough.
And yet…
She could not ignore that small sliver of doubt whenever the apprehensions returned. She confessed those thoughts to the Duskwight knight; since he had been exiled by his family for choosing his sister over all else, Roen could not imagine that her revelation would be met with anything but disapproval.
But no such censure came. He asked for more details on the circumstances, but when all was said and done, he sympathized with her need for solitude. Even from her family. He also offered gentle encouragement to allow herself to face her fears and her loved ones when she was ready.
“What is it that you said about forgiveness?†Roen had said in response. “Another gifting such to me would mean little… if I am not ready to accept it."
The Duskwight then answered her with something she was not expecting, a smile. "I must say, it is refreshing to have one listen so intently to my words."
That made the paladin pause, blinking. There was a reluctant and unexpected curl to the corner of her lips as well. "You have no idea... how your words stayed with me." She shook her head again but this time it was with less sobriety. “You are wiser than you know.â€
The knight only smiled wider with a dip of his head. "Ah, mayhaps I am then. I would not have considered such before."
She exhaled, a quick release of breath with a hint of rebuke. "Then perhaps it is I who is out of sorts. I usually do not pay such close attention to strangers." Her tone remained neutral, but some of that somber cloud was dissipating from her mind. "Believing a deity speaking through you and all that."
The Elezen grinned but shook his head. "I cannot say I would ever claim such for myself!"
Roen pursed her lips, rolling her eyes slightly. "Would I be getting better guidance from the clergy then?"
His grin was now ear to ear. "I do believe you stated you much preferred mine words to that of the robed clergy."
"At least our attentiveness is mutual,†she acquiesced begrudgingly. “Aye, shield bearer. I do think your wisdom exceeds that of the clergy."
Perhaps it was the fact that the organs had just finished their song and was preparing another, that her words carried a bit too far. Another Elezen noble seated on the pews ahead of them gave her an incredulous glare over his shoulder. The paladin pressed her lips together as she glanced away, clearing her throat.
Amusement only seemed to grow on the knight’s visage as he shook his head at her. He offered the noble a polite dip of his head. "Quite mutual, indeed." He turned to her with an earnest smile. "I am grateful for these conversations, however."
Roen widened her eyes, a sense of relief washing over her. “Are you? Whatever for? It is I who should be grateful. I always seem to come here and demand answers from you, Ser Knight. And never return the same consideration."
The Elezen quirked a brow, apparently bewildered. "Is such how you view our interactions? Truly?" He canted his head in thought. “I believe I have learned much from speaking with you as well as listening. I have stared at mine self and mine own wounds. You have never demanded anything of me, my friend."
The paladin chewed her lower lip. "I am... glad," she finally said softly. "In my own struggles, I know I have only asked. And asked again. It is you who have found a way to turn that into something hopeful and benign.â€
He inclined his head in a nod. "And I have but answered, conversed where I can. Tis enjoyable, truly."
She snorted softly. "Enjoyable. Surely, you are just humoring me."
The knight arched his brow again, with a hint of an admonishment in his voice. "Were it not, would I return time and again to speak with a woman whom I do not know?"
Roen blinked. "...And here I thought I was the clever one, somehow discerning your schedule on visiting this place."
"Truly?†A look of amusement split across his face. “I thought I found myself here in times that you would arrive."
A hand rose to cover her mouth, and hide her sheepish expression. "Well then." She wrinkled her nose. "I suppose we were both clever and yet not as clever as we thought."
"What a strange pair we are.†He then flashed her a bright, genuine grin.
Roen regarded him oddly, but her expression eased with a slight curl of her lips. "Indeed." She exhaled, organ music filling the silence between them.
"Gratitude," she said quietly.
"Much and more back to you,†he nodded.
Then as if remembering herself, she inhaled quickly and rose. "I should go, however. I have indulged myself long enough."
The Elezen rose as she did. "But of course. It was, as always, a pleasure." He bowed deeply at the waist.
Roen bowed in return, her frame having lost much of the tension from before. "I will... continue to think myself clever... next sennight." There is an upward tug to one corner of her lips.
To that, the Duskwight laughed. "And I shall likewise do so. Be well, Shieldbearer."
A stranger and a confidant…
Roen raised her hand to shield her eyes as she looked up at the sky, the distant shafts of sunlight somehow breaking through the eternal grayness of this wintry place. That was when her reverie was broken by an approach of a familiar figure as Stray Oak lumbered up the steps leading to the Cathedral.
“Deneith! Ser Tournes is looking for you.†The Hellsguard gave her a shrug when she quirked a questioning brow. “Blacke and Fenco again. They didn’t report back in time. He probably wants ya ta go track ‘em down.â€
The paladin let out a long exasperated sigh and nodded. Those two were becoming a thorn on her side when it came to their indolence.
“I didn’t know ya were a religious type,†Oak said, eyeing the cathedral with some measure of suspicion.
Roen shrugged, a small amused curl to one corner of her lips rising as she began to walk away. “I am not. But I have found that confessions are surprisingly cathartic.â€
[[Events that follow can be found here]]
It was four bells after the midday, always on the sixth sun of each sennight. She had returned to this place of worship after their first two encounters; the first one was by chance, and second one by fortuitous happenstance. Then in the following sennights, she had found herself waiting for the same bell and day to return.
It was all to speak to her anonymous confessor--a Duskwight knight of Ishgard and a fellow shield bearer.
Roen still knew not the Elezen’s name, but it mattered little. She knew of his proud family, who held their duty to Ishgard above all else. She knew of their allegiance to the Holy See and their honored tradition of serving as dragoons. The paladin had also learned that her polite and well-spoken confidant had chosen to go against his family’s wishes and bear a shield instead.
Was it that common thread--both of them being shield bearers--that drew her to seek his advice? Or was it the security in anonymity that she felt some freedom in sharing some of her deepest doubts?
As they spoke under the arched roof of the cathedral, Roen found more commonality between her and the knight. Even though she could not ultimately admit to the exact nature of her own losses, she had shared with this stranger her guilt in failing someone who was precious to her. And he in turn, admitted the same. The blame the knight held for himself in losing his sister still seemed to weigh heavily upon him, even though he admitted it was a distant scar rather than an open wound. The paladin found herself promising to pray for his sister’s welfare, if a prayer ever left her lips. Where as he feared the worst, she held some hope that the one he held dear, still lived.
Was that the reason then, that Roen felt free to admit her own guilt about her brother, the next time they spoke? While the Duskwight had forfeited his honor and duty to try and save his sister, and eventually be ostracized by his family for his sacrifice, Roen had done the very opposite. In losing someone she loved, she ran away from her family and friends. And when Delial and Kage sought her out to ask her for her aid, the paladin turned them away.
She was not ready to face her brother or anyone else that cared for her. Roen had worked so hard to construct her fortress of apathy, she was not prepared to tear it down yet.
But the fate of her missing brother still plagued her thoughts. Roen told herself time and again that she had sent the most capable tracker to aid them. If Kiht could not help Delial and Kage, who else could? Certainly not she.
The paladin told Delial more than once that she did not want to be involved. The Highlander had acquiesced begrudgingly. The keen woman seemed to suspect that something had happened, but kept her silence on the matter. There was fire lit within her amber eye that Roen knew that Delial would not stop until Gharen was found. And she had Kage standing by her side. That should have eased her mind. That should have been enough.
And yet…
She could not ignore that small sliver of doubt whenever the apprehensions returned. She confessed those thoughts to the Duskwight knight; since he had been exiled by his family for choosing his sister over all else, Roen could not imagine that her revelation would be met with anything but disapproval.
But no such censure came. He asked for more details on the circumstances, but when all was said and done, he sympathized with her need for solitude. Even from her family. He also offered gentle encouragement to allow herself to face her fears and her loved ones when she was ready.
“What is it that you said about forgiveness?†Roen had said in response. “Another gifting such to me would mean little… if I am not ready to accept it."
The Duskwight then answered her with something she was not expecting, a smile. "I must say, it is refreshing to have one listen so intently to my words."
That made the paladin pause, blinking. There was a reluctant and unexpected curl to the corner of her lips as well. "You have no idea... how your words stayed with me." She shook her head again but this time it was with less sobriety. “You are wiser than you know.â€
The knight only smiled wider with a dip of his head. "Ah, mayhaps I am then. I would not have considered such before."
She exhaled, a quick release of breath with a hint of rebuke. "Then perhaps it is I who is out of sorts. I usually do not pay such close attention to strangers." Her tone remained neutral, but some of that somber cloud was dissipating from her mind. "Believing a deity speaking through you and all that."
The Elezen grinned but shook his head. "I cannot say I would ever claim such for myself!"
Roen pursed her lips, rolling her eyes slightly. "Would I be getting better guidance from the clergy then?"
His grin was now ear to ear. "I do believe you stated you much preferred mine words to that of the robed clergy."
"At least our attentiveness is mutual,†she acquiesced begrudgingly. “Aye, shield bearer. I do think your wisdom exceeds that of the clergy."
Perhaps it was the fact that the organs had just finished their song and was preparing another, that her words carried a bit too far. Another Elezen noble seated on the pews ahead of them gave her an incredulous glare over his shoulder. The paladin pressed her lips together as she glanced away, clearing her throat.
Amusement only seemed to grow on the knight’s visage as he shook his head at her. He offered the noble a polite dip of his head. "Quite mutual, indeed." He turned to her with an earnest smile. "I am grateful for these conversations, however."
Roen widened her eyes, a sense of relief washing over her. “Are you? Whatever for? It is I who should be grateful. I always seem to come here and demand answers from you, Ser Knight. And never return the same consideration."
The Elezen quirked a brow, apparently bewildered. "Is such how you view our interactions? Truly?" He canted his head in thought. “I believe I have learned much from speaking with you as well as listening. I have stared at mine self and mine own wounds. You have never demanded anything of me, my friend."
The paladin chewed her lower lip. "I am... glad," she finally said softly. "In my own struggles, I know I have only asked. And asked again. It is you who have found a way to turn that into something hopeful and benign.â€
He inclined his head in a nod. "And I have but answered, conversed where I can. Tis enjoyable, truly."
She snorted softly. "Enjoyable. Surely, you are just humoring me."
The knight arched his brow again, with a hint of an admonishment in his voice. "Were it not, would I return time and again to speak with a woman whom I do not know?"
Roen blinked. "...And here I thought I was the clever one, somehow discerning your schedule on visiting this place."
"Truly?†A look of amusement split across his face. “I thought I found myself here in times that you would arrive."
A hand rose to cover her mouth, and hide her sheepish expression. "Well then." She wrinkled her nose. "I suppose we were both clever and yet not as clever as we thought."
"What a strange pair we are.†He then flashed her a bright, genuine grin.
Roen regarded him oddly, but her expression eased with a slight curl of her lips. "Indeed." She exhaled, organ music filling the silence between them.
"Gratitude," she said quietly.
"Much and more back to you,†he nodded.
Then as if remembering herself, she inhaled quickly and rose. "I should go, however. I have indulged myself long enough."
The Elezen rose as she did. "But of course. It was, as always, a pleasure." He bowed deeply at the waist.
Roen bowed in return, her frame having lost much of the tension from before. "I will... continue to think myself clever... next sennight." There is an upward tug to one corner of her lips.
To that, the Duskwight laughed. "And I shall likewise do so. Be well, Shieldbearer."
A stranger and a confidant…
Roen raised her hand to shield her eyes as she looked up at the sky, the distant shafts of sunlight somehow breaking through the eternal grayness of this wintry place. That was when her reverie was broken by an approach of a familiar figure as Stray Oak lumbered up the steps leading to the Cathedral.
“Deneith! Ser Tournes is looking for you.†The Hellsguard gave her a shrug when she quirked a questioning brow. “Blacke and Fenco again. They didn’t report back in time. He probably wants ya ta go track ‘em down.â€
The paladin let out a long exasperated sigh and nodded. Those two were becoming a thorn on her side when it came to their indolence.
“I didn’t know ya were a religious type,†Oak said, eyeing the cathedral with some measure of suspicion.
Roen shrugged, a small amused curl to one corner of her lips rising as she began to walk away. “I am not. But I have found that confessions are surprisingly cathartic.â€
[[Events that follow can be found here]]
