I still can't decide on what it is but something about DMing in an MMO intimidates me far more than in a tabletop game to the extent where I constantly convince myself I can't do it despite how much I want to. I'll have ideas that I'm confident will be very fun and am told they sound fun but I never get to them thanks to the mindset that some incapability of mine will make it all go to shit and I'll waste everyone's time. What's worse is that I've said several times "I'm cooking up X event and will be hosting it soon!" just to let those words fade and never have it happen. It'd never result in characters being caught in a dead arc since I could never start the damn thing but being all talk to have nothing to show for it makes me feel like an ass. I did that a lot on Gilgamesh and it's kind of embarrassing to think back on. To try and make myself DM on Gilgamesh, I put my character into a situation where he'd be AWOL until an event I had in mind occured. Next thing I know, I take a hiatus and decide to try Balmung when I return, leaving yet another event idea to rot.
I'm hoping to arrange a DM'd event or two for Eddard's story soon. I keep telling myself that I'll follow through instead of being a big ol' baby, that DMing this first event will finally let me overcome the anxiety and DM more. I feel far more confident that I'll be able to since my RP on Balmung has been stronger than it was on Gilgamesh. Still, a seething doubt seems to perpetually stay in the back of my mind. It is unnerving.
I'm hoping to arrange a DM'd event or two for Eddard's story soon. I keep telling myself that I'll follow through instead of being a big ol' baby, that DMing this first event will finally let me overcome the anxiety and DM more. I feel far more confident that I'll be able to since my RP on Balmung has been stronger than it was on Gilgamesh. Still, a seething doubt seems to perpetually stay in the back of my mind. It is unnerving.
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix
