Regret.
Roen did not know whether to laugh or cry at the poignancy of the warrior’s question. It was her guilt and regret that had haunted her every waking moment since that day in Aleport. Would recalling the circumstances, retelling Khadai of all that had happened, would it reopen the wounds?
"Their causes are abandoned. Their ideals forgotten. What made them people are left behind, to litter the past like these stone markers litter this hill."
In trying to banish her sorrows, was she rejecting all that she and Nero had worked for? Forget all that he was? All that they had hoped to accomplish?
The amethyst earrings jingled softly as she laid them upon her palm.
‘May you forever have the strength to defend what you believe…’
“More than I can say,†the paladin rasped.
She exhaled, gathering her thoughts. “Many refugees, those who fled the incursion of Garlemald in the north, fled south, and ended up on the Gates of Ul’dah. Only they were not let in. The wealthy ruling class deemed that the city could not support nor aid those people who had nowhere else to go. So they rejected them, left them to live in squalor outside the walls. Within the walls, exotic dancers performed for the pleasures of men, and drinks and food were plentiful for anyone with coin. And nobles walked about dressed in rich silks.â€
“It is very much like what you saw in the Brume. Only people do not freeze to death in Ul’dah. The refugees and the poor there die from starvation, disease, and misery.†Sorrow darkened her countenance as she continued to stare at the gems in her hand. “He wanted to change all that. To force those in power to take another look at themselves, and to restructure things.â€
A sad fleeting smile rose. “And I believed him. I tried to help him.†She paused for a long time, as her melancholy slowly gave way to something more sober. Her expression hardened.
“But he was not like me, in that he was willing to do anything to achieve that goal.†She closed her fingers around the earrings. “He meant to kill people. Many people. Men, women, and children.†She fell silent, still staring at her closed fist. A deep frown twisted her face; it was almost as if she was glaring at the earrings within her hand.
“I… thought I could save him,†she muttered darkly. “I thought I could save the poor, the refugees, but him too. He warned me from the start what he was willing to do. He was willing to bathe the streets in blood, to see the city burn, if it would bring about the change he wanted to see.â€
“I thought I could save him,†she said again with a shake of her head. “That if his heart wanted to save those people from suffering... that it could not be all black.†Her words shook and she fought to keep the warmth from rising to her eyes. “That I could somehow find a way to help him change his course and still help those in need.â€
Another long silence fell between them as she struggled to keep her composure. The wounds… they had not fully healed. Not yet.
“In the end, I could not abide by the violence he had planned. And… many people died still."
Her voice was the barest ragged whisper. "And nothing changed. I saved no one.â€
Roen did not know whether to laugh or cry at the poignancy of the warrior’s question. It was her guilt and regret that had haunted her every waking moment since that day in Aleport. Would recalling the circumstances, retelling Khadai of all that had happened, would it reopen the wounds?
"Their causes are abandoned. Their ideals forgotten. What made them people are left behind, to litter the past like these stone markers litter this hill."
In trying to banish her sorrows, was she rejecting all that she and Nero had worked for? Forget all that he was? All that they had hoped to accomplish?
The amethyst earrings jingled softly as she laid them upon her palm.
‘May you forever have the strength to defend what you believe…’
“More than I can say,†the paladin rasped.
She exhaled, gathering her thoughts. “Many refugees, those who fled the incursion of Garlemald in the north, fled south, and ended up on the Gates of Ul’dah. Only they were not let in. The wealthy ruling class deemed that the city could not support nor aid those people who had nowhere else to go. So they rejected them, left them to live in squalor outside the walls. Within the walls, exotic dancers performed for the pleasures of men, and drinks and food were plentiful for anyone with coin. And nobles walked about dressed in rich silks.â€
“It is very much like what you saw in the Brume. Only people do not freeze to death in Ul’dah. The refugees and the poor there die from starvation, disease, and misery.†Sorrow darkened her countenance as she continued to stare at the gems in her hand. “He wanted to change all that. To force those in power to take another look at themselves, and to restructure things.â€
A sad fleeting smile rose. “And I believed him. I tried to help him.†She paused for a long time, as her melancholy slowly gave way to something more sober. Her expression hardened.
“But he was not like me, in that he was willing to do anything to achieve that goal.†She closed her fingers around the earrings. “He meant to kill people. Many people. Men, women, and children.†She fell silent, still staring at her closed fist. A deep frown twisted her face; it was almost as if she was glaring at the earrings within her hand.
“I… thought I could save him,†she muttered darkly. “I thought I could save the poor, the refugees, but him too. He warned me from the start what he was willing to do. He was willing to bathe the streets in blood, to see the city burn, if it would bring about the change he wanted to see.â€
“I thought I could save him,†she said again with a shake of her head. “That if his heart wanted to save those people from suffering... that it could not be all black.†Her words shook and she fought to keep the warmth from rising to her eyes. “That I could somehow find a way to help him change his course and still help those in need.â€
Another long silence fell between them as she struggled to keep her composure. The wounds… they had not fully healed. Not yet.
“In the end, I could not abide by the violence he had planned. And… many people died still."
Her voice was the barest ragged whisper. "And nothing changed. I saved no one.â€
