8th Sun of the 6th Astral Moon
I rather hate to say it, lest I bring about my own fall through my hubris, but I feel rather better about some matters now than I did this time last week.
Worse about others, mind.
First, the good news. Nagano no Kaito finally deigned to show his face before mine once more. He bore gifts and knowledge, and although I still struggle to comprehend much of what he - or his voice within the stone - has told me, I feel I at least have a little more solid footing to stand on.
This shadow of Delterkis is not going away, it seems. It took control of my limbs… spoke with my voice. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything so terrifying.
Kaito tells me that by ignoring it entirely, I help it to grow stronger, that it might one day overpower me. I have to find balance.
Whatever that means.
On the other hand… I confronted Chanar on my way back. Although I appear to have gotten my point across, I cannot help but feel regret for the manner in which I did so… effective, yes, but I felt as though I had kicked a helpless animal. I know it is for the best that I do not visit him until he has had a chance to process all I have said already, but a part of me wishes to remedy the hurt I must have caused…
I do not think there was malice in Chanar’s actions, and therefore I have done wrong by causing him pain. Whensoever such shall not cause a renewal of Chanar’s more grating actions, I should try to make amends.
I suppose I should simply try to get back into a solid working routine; focus on finding Shirogawa a job and a place to stay that do not interfere with my work. Perhaps ask Defiant for another sparring session, now I have a better grip on this “Darksideâ€. Although I must tell her what is happening now that Chanar is no longer trailing me day and night.
I wonder if I should bring the greatsword…