“Helpful,†she shot back bitterly. “I never asked for such an aid. And just how is it supposed to help me? How am I to reconcile for what I did? I know people died. Do you think I have forgotten about the people that died under your orders? Those deaths that I was complicit in? Do you think it no longer weighs on my soul? I know I lost people. I ran away from that red moon, I fled for my life from what happened at Carteneau. I am still not certain how I lived when so many others died. And then… and then I lost you.†She spun away, hating that familiar heartache that robbed her of her breath. Her voice had risen and her hands trembled by her side.
“No, I killed you,†she spat out, turning back to him. “I drove a blade through your heart because I was convinced that you wanted nothing but more blood to get your way. You screamed at me saying the same thing! Begging me to do what I must do! I was not going to let someone else stop you when it should have been me all along!â€
She was screaming at him. At this man whom she reached out for so many times in her dreams and nightmares. For him to stay a bit longer, for him to understand. Now that he was standing in front of her, pulled by her memory from the lifestream itself, perhaps the closest thing she would ever get in terms of speaking to him again… she was pouring out all of her anger and regret at his ghost.
“I… could not bring you to my side. I tried. I thought I did all that I could. You even… you even wanted to. Why could you not tell me that? Why did that have to be in a letter after you died?†She stepped toward the figure, away from that damned mirror. Her voice had lowered to a hoarse murmur. “And still I could not save you.†Her face twisted in pain. “So I killed you instead.â€
The paladin’s head hung low and her shoulders shook with silent sobs. She reached down with her hand to linger near his that held the amethyst. “So tell me. How am I supposed to reconcile that?†she croaked. “I do not need that mirror to see. My choices led to so many losses. I hoped, after that red moon, that my new path in life would be my way to repay for my mistakes.†She slowly shook her head. “But it only led to more regrets.â€
Roen stared at the amethyst in his hand. She had not taken it back. “I do not wish for any more regrets. Losing you… it nearly killed me. It took all that I had. I cannot do that again.†Her finger lightly brushed it as if wanting to hear its chime once more. “And yet… I no longer wish to feel so lost.â€
She breathed out a long sigh. “I cannot go back. But trying to move forward, it still feels like running away.†She looked back at him, her eyes imploring. “So what am I supposed to do?â€
“No, I killed you,†she spat out, turning back to him. “I drove a blade through your heart because I was convinced that you wanted nothing but more blood to get your way. You screamed at me saying the same thing! Begging me to do what I must do! I was not going to let someone else stop you when it should have been me all along!â€
She was screaming at him. At this man whom she reached out for so many times in her dreams and nightmares. For him to stay a bit longer, for him to understand. Now that he was standing in front of her, pulled by her memory from the lifestream itself, perhaps the closest thing she would ever get in terms of speaking to him again… she was pouring out all of her anger and regret at his ghost.
“I… could not bring you to my side. I tried. I thought I did all that I could. You even… you even wanted to. Why could you not tell me that? Why did that have to be in a letter after you died?†She stepped toward the figure, away from that damned mirror. Her voice had lowered to a hoarse murmur. “And still I could not save you.†Her face twisted in pain. “So I killed you instead.â€
The paladin’s head hung low and her shoulders shook with silent sobs. She reached down with her hand to linger near his that held the amethyst. “So tell me. How am I supposed to reconcile that?†she croaked. “I do not need that mirror to see. My choices led to so many losses. I hoped, after that red moon, that my new path in life would be my way to repay for my mistakes.†She slowly shook her head. “But it only led to more regrets.â€
Roen stared at the amethyst in his hand. She had not taken it back. “I do not wish for any more regrets. Losing you… it nearly killed me. It took all that I had. I cannot do that again.†Her finger lightly brushed it as if wanting to hear its chime once more. “And yet… I no longer wish to feel so lost.â€
She breathed out a long sigh. “I cannot go back. But trying to move forward, it still feels like running away.†She looked back at him, her eyes imploring. “So what am I supposed to do?â€
