Thread Closed
(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)T Wrote: That's top of the line BS. If you go to a public event, then proceed to use a private channel at it, why are you even there? Yes, the scroll does get real, but that's a piss poor excuse to completely ignore /s and /em when you knowingly went to a public event. Hell, it's a piss poor excuse when you watch someone walk up to you and target you.If you cannot understand why people would move to a private chat channel during an event with immense chatscroll, I don't really know what to say. I wasn't at the event, but I have attended similar ones in the past, and am a veteran of some very high-chat-scroll evenings at the Quick Sand. I do not join private chats at these events (unless they are explicitly preferred by the organizers to keep public chat down, which I have seen before), but I completely understand why people would: the chat scroll is the sort of thing that cannot only detract from your enjoyment, but can be downright headache causing. In the end people attend public events for the same reason that they attend any event: to have fun. Whether or not that means being terribly outgoing, social, and friendly really depends on the individual and the circumstances.Â
If people want to slip into private chat in order to be able to take a break from trying to scan the scroll, by all means they should not feel bad about doing so. Its so easy to miss things during these events (not to mention how easy it is for characters to actually fail to load, or become unloaded even when targeted). You simply cannot rely on either public chat, or visual recognition to actually get someone's attention. Whispers are your friend.
I try to go out of my way to meet people I haven't before, and to try to involve those who seem to be off on their own. That's just part of what I try to do as a role-player, and as a member of the community. But, not everyone is the same way. Some are shy, some are tired, some aren't feeling very social. They're not under any obligation, and if you approach them with a presumption that they owe you a connection, you're both being unfair and setting yourself up for disappointment.
The only real reliable ways to meet people and make friends is to both energetically put yourself out there, and to be persistent. This isn't fair. Life isn't fair. Its hard, and its hard to make friends in an on-line community just as it is in reality. Some people have an easier time with it, some have a harder time with it, and that unfortunately is the way it is. We can screw up our eyes, and ball up our fists, and cry to the high-heavens about the unfairness of it all, but it will not change.
There's been some excellent advice offered in the thread so far, and I'd just like to re-iterate a few tidbits.
1) Public events are not good for meeting people. You can sometimes introduce yourself to people, but that's as deep as things are going to go. There is too much going on, too many distractions, and too many barriers to deeper investment. Sometimes people might step aside to engage in a deeper conversation, again, like reality, but more-often-than-not people spend most of their conversation time talking to people they already know, while mixing and only superficially engaging those they don't.
The chat-scroll makes the situation even worse.
After-Parties, and the similar, are vastly superior times to actually make a lasting connection. Once the event has quieted down and most of the people have left, the scroll becomes manageable and those remaining are most likely there strictly to be social.
2) Changing characters, and starting over again is a detriment to building contacts or making yourself known. One way to stand out is simply to be recognized. Even if someone has never met you, or talked to you, if they've seen your character about many times before, or have noticed them even by happen stance, or through forum post, or tumblr, or anything, they're more likely to decide to walk up and introduce themselves, or be interested in engaging.
Faye pointed out that people are not as interested in devoting their energy to developing relationships with characters who they do not expect to last. I think this is spot on. It takes investment of energy from both sides to make a connection.
Similarly, my usual advice to people trying to make friends is to find groups or linkshells and simply make sure to always greet people, and say farewell before leaving. Just be there get your name out there and make it recognizable. Changing names all the time is likely to completely undermine your efforts to become part of the community.
3) Everyone needs to vent at times, and its probably a healthy thing to do. But publicly complaining, and wagging a finger at the "community" is not likely to improve your chances or people's willingness to engage with you. They do not want to become the scapegoat, or the next example of animus, nor do they want to feel the extra "pressure to perform" when it comes to trying to engage with someone.
Failure to have engaged anyone is not usually a sign of hostility or malice. There are numerous reasons why people may have failed to connect that cannot be attributed to either of those.
Lastly, Verad is an amazing fellow. He loves to RP, and will use hooks and ropes to haul anyone into conversation. He also has an unbelievably large community of friends. Take his invitation, and make one of the best friends you could make on the server!
Addendum, for #~5) Warren had an excellent note. Truly excellent. Build a character for yourself. A character that you find interesting. That you want to play. That you want to invest in. Be proud in that character, and unabashed. Don't change for other people. That's not to say that change is bad, but that change should be something that you want not something you think other people want.
![[Image: 21282370099_a814a08664_o.png]](https://farm1.staticflickr.com/590/21282370099_a814a08664_o.png)