Once again Limsa Lominsa has proved itself a sorry excuse for an attempt at civilized society!  It is a breeding ground for the worst men to come together and wallow in one anoher’s filth. And no, I don’t mean the worst people, I mean the worst men.
I was having a drink at the Missing Member, the only place in that godsforsaken city worth a damn, scoping the place out for any eastern beauties who may have taken refuge within its walls. While my search turned up tragically fruitless, that wasn’t the worst part of the night. Upon exiting the establishment I was accosted by a pervert claiming to be from the far east, obviously a ruse to lure in less worldly women, but we’ll get to that later. He approached me wearing nothing but a coeurl-print thong and a ridiculous Card-Burden-o helmet! He was practically screaming at me to come and celebrate Heavensturn in the traditional far-eastern fashion by touching his enormous yellow cock!
![[Image: tumblr_inline_oj4zo1bMvC1qazgjc_540.jpg]](https://68.media.tumblr.com/d79695cd987234f94f1a224c1c205b3b/tumblr_inline_oj4zo1bMvC1qazgjc_540.jpg)
Naturally and obviously shocked I could not help but ask what in the seven hells he was talking about. It was about all I could do not to strike him, but the helmet looked sturdy and I did not want to hurt my hand, as they’re my moneymakers. He told me that it was the year of the cock and that it was cause to celebrate, he went on and on about the traditions of his supposed far-eastern homeland. As he spoke, and the more and more he spoke of cock, I became more and more enraged.
First of all, I know enough to be absolutely certain that every word he spoke was false, as I am a veritable scholar on the culture of the East, and nothing he said was familiar to me. Yes it is true that Doma has different gods than us but never have they been a people to celebrate body parts at the start of a new year, I knew he was simply trying to lure me with an elaborate ruse. Thankfully, even if I wasn’t as knowledgeable as I am, I am well-informed enough to abhor cock in every form, whether it be attached to a man or flying through the sky.
And so I took it upon myself to solve this problem for the good of women everywhere: I acted interested in his lies and had him follow me to the Missing Member, where I dropped him off. The pirates surely took care of the rest, as the only positive thing Limsa Lominsa can be counted on to provide is vigilante justice.
I mean, honestly. I knew the year would be awful what with the heavens turning to Rhalgr, that ridiculous Ala Mhigan “Godâ€, but I had no idea how awful a start I was in for.
If any beautiful women, particularly Doman women, have had similar awful experiences and wish to discuss them with me you’re more than welcome to come by The Crucible’s offices. We might even interview you for this most esteemed publication!
Written by avian adversary Kagome Voulaizunlezotre.
I was having a drink at the Missing Member, the only place in that godsforsaken city worth a damn, scoping the place out for any eastern beauties who may have taken refuge within its walls. While my search turned up tragically fruitless, that wasn’t the worst part of the night. Upon exiting the establishment I was accosted by a pervert claiming to be from the far east, obviously a ruse to lure in less worldly women, but we’ll get to that later. He approached me wearing nothing but a coeurl-print thong and a ridiculous Card-Burden-o helmet! He was practically screaming at me to come and celebrate Heavensturn in the traditional far-eastern fashion by touching his enormous yellow cock!
Naturally and obviously shocked I could not help but ask what in the seven hells he was talking about. It was about all I could do not to strike him, but the helmet looked sturdy and I did not want to hurt my hand, as they’re my moneymakers. He told me that it was the year of the cock and that it was cause to celebrate, he went on and on about the traditions of his supposed far-eastern homeland. As he spoke, and the more and more he spoke of cock, I became more and more enraged.
First of all, I know enough to be absolutely certain that every word he spoke was false, as I am a veritable scholar on the culture of the East, and nothing he said was familiar to me. Yes it is true that Doma has different gods than us but never have they been a people to celebrate body parts at the start of a new year, I knew he was simply trying to lure me with an elaborate ruse. Thankfully, even if I wasn’t as knowledgeable as I am, I am well-informed enough to abhor cock in every form, whether it be attached to a man or flying through the sky.
And so I took it upon myself to solve this problem for the good of women everywhere: I acted interested in his lies and had him follow me to the Missing Member, where I dropped him off. The pirates surely took care of the rest, as the only positive thing Limsa Lominsa can be counted on to provide is vigilante justice.
I mean, honestly. I knew the year would be awful what with the heavens turning to Rhalgr, that ridiculous Ala Mhigan “Godâ€, but I had no idea how awful a start I was in for.
If any beautiful women, particularly Doman women, have had similar awful experiences and wish to discuss them with me you’re more than welcome to come by The Crucible’s offices. We might even interview you for this most esteemed publication!
Written by avian adversary Kagome Voulaizunlezotre.
![[Image: rGK6voX.png]](http://i.imgur.com/rGK6voX.png)
