Nabi squeezed her hand firmly, pressing the nail of her thumb hard into the palm of her other hand as they were both clasped in front of her abdomen. It was easier to calm the fluttering in her stomach by concentrating on the pain.
Her body wanted to shudder with dread, her instincts screaming for her to flee. As she made her way up the floors of the Hostelry, where she knew Elam Grave to be dining, she had to focus on her steps, so that she did not stumble on the stairs from her nervousness. She began to see armored men, standing idly by the walls as she ascended, giving her a once-over. The first one reached for his ear, muttering something low. All eyes seemed on her.
There was fear that gripped her heart and threatened to steal her breath, and a part of her wondered if she had ever been this scared before. She nearly faltered in her stride when she remembered: running away from Elam Grave after being struck, waking up tied and gagged in a small crate, then having a bag pulled off her head to see strange men gathered about her. Indeed, she had been much more afraid than this.
Nabi clutched onto those memories as her pillar of strength. Those were the events that guided her now, as she rounded the last turn before the final floor of the Hostelry. That double door to the right leading out to the bridge to the airship port, it was her last possible means for escape. As another patron walked right through it, the sunset beyond seemed almost blinding in its temptation. It called to her.
But she could not. There would be no turning from this. She had already asked Mimiyo and Yoshinari to leave Kugane, to stay with their distant relatives in the mainland of Hingashi. At least for a little while. She did not, she could not tell them everything, only that she might be away awhile, and for their safety, she wished for them to travel to Hingashi. Mimiyo of course had questions, and Yoshinari refused. But Nabi would not take no for an answer. She pressed that it was a matter of life and death, and that they needed to trust her. And that she would have Tserende here, so that they needed not to worry about her.
It was a lie, of course. But for their safety, she insisted and pleaded, and eventually Mimiyo agreed on the condition that Nabi wrote to them and often. And that they would return soon. Since her return, there was always a quiet concern hidden behind their gaze when they looked upon her, as if they knew something had happened. She could not hide her heartache, and even though her tears came silently beneath the blankets at night, Nabi knew that Mimiyo knew her heart. But Nabi could not tell them the whole truth. But they understood that the matter was of grave importance to her.
Would they let her do this?
Nabi was certain of that answer. She had pleaded with Tserende just bells ago, for any aid that could be given to Anchor. Tears fell as she told him that she simply could not go on, knowing Anchor suffered in her stead. She had hoped that Tserende understood, that he of all people would help her find Anchor.
"I doubt that you coerced him into making his choices.†Tserende was calm in his response, his pale blue gaze intent upon her, even as he carefully wiped away her tears. “Just as I did not coerce the person who ended up giving their life for me to be here at this moment. If he has indeed perished, then he believed that your potential was worth that much. The most important thing that you can do with that confidence is to live up to it. Ensure that you bring about some good with your time here. Ensure that you do not cast it away impulsively."
Why did none of them understand? Tserende, Brick, and Shael. Why wouldn’t anyone help her find Anchor? The very thought of him tightened her chest, pierced her clear through with grief every sun. How could they throw away his life so easily? Agree to this unacceptable trade?
“And what of all of the aspiring herbalists and alchemists that Grave will try to replace you with? How many of them would you like to exchange for 'Anchor?' That is the state of things, as they stand. I understand that you would like to help him. I have my doubts that there is anything to be done for him at this point, however, even if we were to try. We should minimize the loss others are bound to suffer, now."
Tserende’s words finalized her decision. He was right. How many others to replace her? What would Elam Grave accept in trade for Anchor? It started with her, it should end with her.
“I know you only wish for my well-being.†Nabi remembered her last words to Tserende before they parted for the evening. “I also know you did what you could to make sure Mimiyo and Yoshinari were safe.†She remembered trembling as she looked up at him. “Would you always do so? For me?â€
“Of course,†Tserende had looked upon her with a curious if not somewhat confused expression. “You needn’t worry over that. Why would I not do so?â€
That was one comfort she would hold onto. It took all she had not to shed any more tears as he kissed her goodnight. Yes, that would be a good parting memory to treasure.
What little courage she had been clinging onto began to slip away like sand through her fingers, as her heart started to pound painfully in her chest, when she spotted Grave seated at his table. He had not looked her way yet, even though the rest of the men standing near him trained their gaze upon her immediately. Nabi squeezed her hand harder, steadying her steps as she came to stand in front of his table.
Elam Grave languidly put a piece of fish into his mouth and poured himself some sake, before he finally granted her his attention by looking up. Nabi thought she could feel herself shake as she stood there, waiting.
“Miss Nabi,†he said her name slowly, thin lines appearing at the edges of his eyes. “You are looking well. What can I do for you?â€
It took her a breath for her to gather her words. His calm low voice nearly unnerved her. It was that same unmoved expression he had held when he came to visit her that fateful night. But this wasn’t about her anymore. That wasn’t why she came. She swallowed, and her throat felt like sand. “I have been told of your agreement with Ironsong.†Her voice shook. “And with Anchor.†She slowly lowered herself to her knees, placing her hands upon her lap. She bowed, her head coming to nearly touch the floor.
“I am here to beg for his release.â€
Her body wanted to shudder with dread, her instincts screaming for her to flee. As she made her way up the floors of the Hostelry, where she knew Elam Grave to be dining, she had to focus on her steps, so that she did not stumble on the stairs from her nervousness. She began to see armored men, standing idly by the walls as she ascended, giving her a once-over. The first one reached for his ear, muttering something low. All eyes seemed on her.
There was fear that gripped her heart and threatened to steal her breath, and a part of her wondered if she had ever been this scared before. She nearly faltered in her stride when she remembered: running away from Elam Grave after being struck, waking up tied and gagged in a small crate, then having a bag pulled off her head to see strange men gathered about her. Indeed, she had been much more afraid than this.
Nabi clutched onto those memories as her pillar of strength. Those were the events that guided her now, as she rounded the last turn before the final floor of the Hostelry. That double door to the right leading out to the bridge to the airship port, it was her last possible means for escape. As another patron walked right through it, the sunset beyond seemed almost blinding in its temptation. It called to her.
But she could not. There would be no turning from this. She had already asked Mimiyo and Yoshinari to leave Kugane, to stay with their distant relatives in the mainland of Hingashi. At least for a little while. She did not, she could not tell them everything, only that she might be away awhile, and for their safety, she wished for them to travel to Hingashi. Mimiyo of course had questions, and Yoshinari refused. But Nabi would not take no for an answer. She pressed that it was a matter of life and death, and that they needed to trust her. And that she would have Tserende here, so that they needed not to worry about her.
It was a lie, of course. But for their safety, she insisted and pleaded, and eventually Mimiyo agreed on the condition that Nabi wrote to them and often. And that they would return soon. Since her return, there was always a quiet concern hidden behind their gaze when they looked upon her, as if they knew something had happened. She could not hide her heartache, and even though her tears came silently beneath the blankets at night, Nabi knew that Mimiyo knew her heart. But Nabi could not tell them the whole truth. But they understood that the matter was of grave importance to her.
Would they let her do this?
Nabi was certain of that answer. She had pleaded with Tserende just bells ago, for any aid that could be given to Anchor. Tears fell as she told him that she simply could not go on, knowing Anchor suffered in her stead. She had hoped that Tserende understood, that he of all people would help her find Anchor.
"I doubt that you coerced him into making his choices.†Tserende was calm in his response, his pale blue gaze intent upon her, even as he carefully wiped away her tears. “Just as I did not coerce the person who ended up giving their life for me to be here at this moment. If he has indeed perished, then he believed that your potential was worth that much. The most important thing that you can do with that confidence is to live up to it. Ensure that you bring about some good with your time here. Ensure that you do not cast it away impulsively."
Why did none of them understand? Tserende, Brick, and Shael. Why wouldn’t anyone help her find Anchor? The very thought of him tightened her chest, pierced her clear through with grief every sun. How could they throw away his life so easily? Agree to this unacceptable trade?
“And what of all of the aspiring herbalists and alchemists that Grave will try to replace you with? How many of them would you like to exchange for 'Anchor?' That is the state of things, as they stand. I understand that you would like to help him. I have my doubts that there is anything to be done for him at this point, however, even if we were to try. We should minimize the loss others are bound to suffer, now."
Tserende’s words finalized her decision. He was right. How many others to replace her? What would Elam Grave accept in trade for Anchor? It started with her, it should end with her.
“I know you only wish for my well-being.†Nabi remembered her last words to Tserende before they parted for the evening. “I also know you did what you could to make sure Mimiyo and Yoshinari were safe.†She remembered trembling as she looked up at him. “Would you always do so? For me?â€
“Of course,†Tserende had looked upon her with a curious if not somewhat confused expression. “You needn’t worry over that. Why would I not do so?â€
That was one comfort she would hold onto. It took all she had not to shed any more tears as he kissed her goodnight. Yes, that would be a good parting memory to treasure.
What little courage she had been clinging onto began to slip away like sand through her fingers, as her heart started to pound painfully in her chest, when she spotted Grave seated at his table. He had not looked her way yet, even though the rest of the men standing near him trained their gaze upon her immediately. Nabi squeezed her hand harder, steadying her steps as she came to stand in front of his table.
Elam Grave languidly put a piece of fish into his mouth and poured himself some sake, before he finally granted her his attention by looking up. Nabi thought she could feel herself shake as she stood there, waiting.
“Miss Nabi,†he said her name slowly, thin lines appearing at the edges of his eyes. “You are looking well. What can I do for you?â€
It took her a breath for her to gather her words. His calm low voice nearly unnerved her. It was that same unmoved expression he had held when he came to visit her that fateful night. But this wasn’t about her anymore. That wasn’t why she came. She swallowed, and her throat felt like sand. “I have been told of your agreement with Ironsong.†Her voice shook. “And with Anchor.†She slowly lowered herself to her knees, placing her hands upon her lap. She bowed, her head coming to nearly touch the floor.
“I am here to beg for his release.â€
