Poe's Journal Entry
The handwriting appears more fluid, perhaps some ease has come over the writer…They talked…not sure if for better or worse. The whole situation…My head is still spinning actually. I returned from seeing Lan-I-Mata. She seemed disappointed I had not gotten further with my training. But…I guess I got a small compliment. She said I had made a little progress. She packed me up some herbs and told me to go and find a quiet, safe place and enjoy tea. I tucked the items away and headed to Limsa, figured I could stay at Relan’s. I would have asked Rose to make sure I was ok, but she has had enough going on.
But…I didn’t get to Relan’s. Feeling a bit misty from memories I wandered out to the point. And ran into a few. Ry was on top of his game, already had a list of ingredients for me for the party. Ace and his sister were there and S’anhu. I spoke with his sister and will be getting flower arrangements for the party. I wonder if I am trying too hard to make this party fun?
And then…it got awkward, Lina showed up. Ace went to speak with her, he needed to and I understand that. I am not sure anything got figured out though. Rose called over the pearl and I headed off to meet her. I was worried how she was doing.
On my walk over, I had to pass S’anhu and Lina. And S’anhu…I wanted to go to Lina and give her a hug. I mean, I understand, I really do. But S’anhu…he stopped talking. He clearly didn’t want me to hear their discussion and then it was just awkward. I wish I knew what I did. He seems unhappy with me lately, won’t really talk to me. And I miss him…
And since…yeah, I headed to meet Rose. We hugged and she ended up spilling her confusions and worries. I tried to give her the best advice I could…to be honest. We walked back to the point. Saw S’anhu and Lina again…I don’t think Rose is aware of Lina’s feelings for Ace.
When we finally approached Ry and Ace speaking at the point, well, it was a….interesting conversation we came upon. Ry mentioned something about reading a lot…and then he said no females around here were interesting. Rose heard it too and commented. It got me thinking, what makes anyone interesting? I don’t understand what it is that causes us to sometimes pause longer with some more than others. Or to pause at all?
Ry and I gave Ace and Rose space, moving away to chat. We discussed plans for the party. I…I was nosy. It’s a horrible trait, but I was so curious. I asked him about reading…but he must have caught on, asking me if I had heard what he said. Of course, I tried to smooth it over…and then he said he was a loser!? I don’t understand. I mean, he doesn’t come off abrasive like some of the males. If anything…he just seems, maybe it’s insecure. He commented he didn’t let his emotions show because that way he was less likely to be hurt. I almost frowned…I dunno, maybe I even did visibly. And he surprised me by asking if having those feelings were worth it. Part of me wonders myself sometimes…but the heartache is worth the happy moments. And even when it hurts…it will fade and one is left with sweet memories.
And then his question…were Dae and I…were we happiness for each other? I like to think yes, for the time we spent together. And I made it clear to Ry, it doesn’t mean it’s forever, things change…I never did give him an answer about Dae. He is curious about emotions…I should warn him I am the worst to ask this stuff about. Ace said good night and Rose stopped over. Ry said he had studying to do, he seems dedicated, busy. Too busy for silly things like emotions.
I followed Rose back to her place so I could stay. I am lucky to have a good friend, she has been there for me through all of this. I appreciate it so much. After a good night’s rest, I went about starting to gather the items Ry needs for the party. I was surprised when I checked in the innkeeper, I had a note.
It was from S’anhu. He wants to talk? I mean, I want to talk. And he said in his note he wanted to say he was sorry. Sorry?! Sorry for what? I have obviously done something and ruined a friendship. Not sure why he has to apologize. I quickly sent a note back. Yes! Yes, I want to speak with him. To apologize. For so much really, but first for being an emotional wreck. I know he has a pure heart and really wants what is best for everyone. And so don’t I…so why does it feel like we can’t get along?
